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Should I respond to my ex's email?
Dating / 11:49 PM - Monday August 02, 2010

Should I respond to my ex's email?

My ex ended our 2 year relationship a month ago saying I was the perfect girlfriend, however he just had a deep feeling like he's not sure I'm the one. I of course tried to talk it out with him but he continued to remain firm on his decision. We had contact after the breakup on two occasions. One to exchange things and one email where he told me things would get better for me and that he would be praying for me to return to being happy without him. I stopped speaking to him after that email and stopped all contact to start moving on.
I now feel like I'm coping well, two weeks go by and I get an email from him saying he wanted to check in with me to see how I'm doing and that he hopes I am well. In all honesty I still love and miss him. If he apologized and explained it was 'cold feet' i would think about forgiving him. I'm trying to accept what has happened and get on with my life but this is giving me false hope.

Any ideas why he's contacting me? Should I respond? If so, how? Should I just ignore his email and see if he makes any more attempts to contact me?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Let's put it this way:
If he's a good guy and really and truly 'concerned' for how you're getting on since he broke your heart, then he's taking far too much credit / responsibility for your well-being. He's important to you NOW, I understand, but in two weeks the pain will diminish and in two months you'll have to think back to recall what he even looked like. You'll get over him, if allowed to do so. So tell him -- regardless of how you REALLY feel at this moment, and definitely don't see if he has 'changed his mind!' -- "WTF do you care? Get gone and stay gone." You don't need him to hold your hand after he breaks your heart, and heartbreak ain't fatal, it just hurts for awhile.

On the other hand, he may really not be such a good guy. It may be, as other respondents have stated, that he really just wanted to sow some more wild oats with a more or less clean conscience, and now he's looking to see if the door is still open and he can come back to you, at least for now until something better comes along again.

Unfortunately for you, if that's the case, your emotions are tied up in him, so if you give in to him for the booty call / FWB / "let's try again" option, then you'll be opening yourself up to more hurt when he does leave again. And he will. So the best answer you can give him is the one that I already showed above: "WTF do you care? Get gone and stay gone."

Sometime after your pain diminishes -- and preferably after you have gone through your rebound guy, made a full recovery, and are in your own real relationship after this (because you'll probably do both of those things) -- you may consider reopening the friendship ONLY if you think that he really is a decent guy and worth having as a friend, but for now you need to heal yourself, and it's going to be hard doing that with him keeping the wound fresh.

- Response by regnadkcin, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Boston, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Community Rating: Community Star

WHY he is contacting you, should not matter at this point! He has told you basically that HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Cold feet has nothing to do with what just happened.

What REALLY happened, is he broke it off with you, and then did not find anyone to have sex with. Now he is feeling it.

Forgive if you want to. But, do not FORGET what he said to you. Continue with this guy and he will break your heart over and over again. He can easily do this to you, because he doesn't care!

Grap your dignity and DELETE his phone and address from your memory.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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My gut says he broke up to "experience" someone else and so you couldn't accuse him of cheating while he explored other options because he had doubts about settling in with your for the long term.
So he is out there periodically calling you to keep you on the hook.
IMO you don't respond. As soon as you drop the volley you can start to move on. In fact if you delete his number from you address book and then tell yourself you aren't going to answer unknown numbers you will no longer feel compulsed to answer it because his name won't popup on the can just start hitting ignore for all calls that come up with no name.
And hit delete if he leaves a message before listening to it.
Than go out and do what you have been to cope and rebuild life without him. Same goes for e-mail...don't open them...just forward them to a file unopened.
He broke up and now let him really experience life without you.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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Well truth be told this guy probably does not have your best interest in mind. He has contacted you because he wants to have you as an option. he wanta or control you while still doing what he wants. he wants to think that you can't live without him and is disturbed that you are not trying to contact him. Kepp on moving, 90% chance this guy is bad news. He wants his cake and eat it too.Let him know he missed his oportunity and remain firm. Better yet ignore his email and avoid him all together. He sounds like a sly fox, stay away. good luck1

- Response by bedrmbully1, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Boston, Managerial

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i think he's just being a friend as he cares about you and knows you might be hurting ... please dont get any fasle hope .. i think he was clear that he wants the relationship to end//.. i think you should tell him that you're okay and he doesnt need to check up on you .....because everytime he contacts you the feelings come back as well as false hope

- Response by morena1112, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I completely agree with joybird and redkin.

- Response by Authenticity, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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This email was not meant to start it all over. You don't forgive him what he said to you. You are a creature unlike any other and stay away from him. No emails and anything alike. You start a new life with someone who deserves you.

- Response by fly404high, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Frankfurt, Other Profession

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Don't bother. He's not worth waiting to see if he just might possibly change his mind. Get on with your life.

- Response by mrs2robin, Female, 66 or older, New York

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