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Long-distance girlfriend out drunk until early morning, is it acceptable?
Dating / 4:37 PM - Friday July 30, 2010

long-distance girlfriend out drunk until early morning, is it acceptable?

i'm in a long distance relationship with a girl, single-mom...I told her that while I don't have the right to prevent her from going out with her group of friends on weekends, I do have the full right to be upset that my significant other (which is apparently in love with me) is completely drunk until the early hours of the morning while i'm spending my weekend nights at home. She says i'm being unfair! what the hell? would you accept this? Don't I have the right to:
1. be upset and feel disrespected from her behavior.
2. feel hesitant about moving in together; I make 85K+ while she makes $10.50/hr, why the hell should i work my ass off and support her when we move in, meanwhile she's out drunk and partying?
3. feel lack of trust; god knows what's going on at clubs while she's drunk

I wish I didn't get myself into this long distance mess....

Update: July 30, 2010.
I'm not asking her to stay in!! re-read my question, I said I have NO right to prevent her from going out! all i'm asking is can't she go out without getting so drunk till the early hours of the morning? my question was simply: am I being unfair if I get upset at her being so drunk every weekend?

- Asked by Male, 29-35

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I think you have a good point.

I am in a LDR and we do respect each other. If we do drink, it's usually together on the phone.

I have one friend whom I've gone to a bar with once, but that's only because she lives out of state and she came in to visit. We used to do that together and we did it for 'old-time's sake.' I was respectful about it, though, and I considered my boyfriend's feelings on it.

Honestly, you are only asking that she treat your LDR as a REAL relationship. It'd be an acceptable request if you lived together, right? What's the difference? =-)


- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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there are some cross-currents in your question, and i won't speak to the issues of money earned, etc.

you are, seemingly, suspicious of her. you don't know what she does, aside from speaking with you while she's drunk, but your harbor whatever suspicions which are not healthy for you, nor do they bode well for you and she being in a relationship.

again, i am not speaking about her actions, but to the issue of your trust. i think that it's your perspective that potentially dooms the relationship, and would advise breaking it off now, rather than sooner or later.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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Community Rating: Community Star

To me it sounds like you two are on very different levels of maturity. You want to live a successful life and all that jazz NOW. While she wants to wait. She almost seems as if she is still in her partying stage. Maybe she doesn't want to grow up? To me, it seems like she is acting like a teen still.

If you think she is the one, or has that possibility, talk to her. Make her see things your way. If she can't do that (or won't even try) then she's not the one. You need to be happy with your life, and not worry about what shes out doing.

If you need more help with this, message me!

- Response by briiannabananaxo, A Life of the Party, Female, 18-21, Student

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So don't.

But no,you don't have the right to tell her she can't go out.

Can you imagine if she said that to you?

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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I feel your pain. My guy is always out while I'm always in. He calls or texts me hammered at 2am just about every friday saturday and sunday.. while I'm at home. (he lives on the other side of the planet) As horrible of a situation it is, you can't put too much pressure on it. If you keep thinking about what they're doing, you're going to drive yourself insane. It's not about the lack of trust. You obviously love them. It's about the fact that you're jealous. Not that other guys are around her, but the fact that everyone but you gets to see them. That everyone else is making her happy. It's all about the fact that you just want to be the one making her happy and showing her a good time.

Let her have her fun and good time. While you're at it, do the same. I don't have many friends at all, but when he's out doing his thing, that night, I'll watch a dvd marathon, go to the gym, or hell, even call someone up and get a cup of coffee.

Never wish that you didn't get yourself into that mess... I say the same thing to myself all the time, but when you think about it, you love her.. Other wise you would of given up. It's EXTREMELY difficult, but keep the faith. God LDRs really do suck. You can't over think it though my dear.

- Response by jenjen221984, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Civil Service

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You can't expect her to stay in just because you do. If she likes to party and you like to stay home, maybe you two aren't right for each other - especially if you don't trust her.

I think as long as she is making sure her child is in proper (sober) care while she is having fun, I say more power to her. Moms, especially single ones that are pulling all the weight, need a break sometimes.

You also should give her the benefit of a doubt that when you do live together, her habits on the weekends would change. If she has you to hang out with, she'd probably stay in more.

- Response by bundleofopinion, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28

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