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My husband pulled my nighty up while I was sleeping and he masturbated. Does that seem wrong?
Sex & Intimacy / 5:53 PM - Monday July 19, 2010

My husband pulled my nighty up while I was sleeping and he masturbated. Does that seem wrong?

Firstly, I should say we have been in something of a sexual dry spell. Just been busy lately, with schedules that temporarily don't coordinate well. So, when one of us is ready for intimacy, the other is tired. But I;m not worried about that. I think it's situational and will be fine once our schedules ease up.

I am also totally fine with him masturbating. I masturbate myself even. However, something about him doing it right next to me and removing my clothes while I slept (and doing it quietly/sneakily) makes me feel a little violated. It's weird. I'd be totally cool with just about anything sexually, but something about this make me feel a little upset. While he was doing it, I felt so shocked and uncomfortable (and tired) that while it woke me up, I pretended to remain asleep. Now I'm trying to figure out how to bring it up with him. I also feel a little bad that I didn't let him know I was awake.

Any thought/advice?

Update: July 19, 2010.
Thank you all who have responded. In response to those inquiring whether I'd rather him masturbate to porn, I say "yes" if it is while I am sleeping. I don't mind him looking at porn. I don't mind him looking at me either. In fact, it's great that looking at my body can still help get him off! The part that bothers me is along the lines of joybird's comment, I think. That is- being asleep, I was unable to participate/consent. Something about that bothers me, eventhough I'd gladly participate awake. Anyhow, in response to one of the others- this is NOT my biggest problem (nor the world's). However, it was something I thought others would be able to help me with and think about differently. So, for all of you who really did think about it and provided some food for though, thanks a lot! It's not a big deal- more weird. Both in that it happened and that it bothered me. Thanks again!

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Hi any form of sex should be between cosenting adults. that means they both should be fully aware of whats going on.
I understand your discomfort. But i'm the type of person that see 2 sides to a story. He was awake, he need it you, and knowing you were sleeping and tire didn't want to wake you. He probably thought he could let you sleep and still get his. A win, win situation. In his simple mind he didn't see anything wrong with it. If I were you I bring it up lightly. Just
ask to be waken up next time, so you can to enjoy the sex to. It sounds simple but you don't want to hurt his feelings.I don't he didn't meant to hurt yours. Just tell him you want to join in next time. But do keep your word. good luck ;-}

- Response by 2hot2handle, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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I can see why you'd feel a little weird about it. because you were not awake etc.
but look at it this way, he was masturbating to YOU and not to some random chick on a porn video or magazine.
he finds you sexy. he was just horny. if it really bothers you, just tell him not to do it again, but don't make a big deal about it. he was probably trying to either not wake you or he was maybe hoping you'd wake up.

why not tell him that next time he is horny like that, to wake you up and have real sex and then you could both fall asleep after.

- Response by fondacox, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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People are starving in Africa and dieing in Afghanistan.

And this is your biggest problem.

By all means go on Oprah and cry a river.

Then go home,kill your husband and then back to Oprah.


Because once married a husband must always ask permission from his wife if he wants an orgasm.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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Would you rather it was his secretary? Or some porn star? Or what, did he finish on your face or chest?

- Response by quikslvr, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Farming

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