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How do you tell a guy that you love him without freaking him out or scaring him away???
Dating / 1:15 PM - Thursday July 15, 2010

How do you tell a guy that you love him without freaking him out or scaring him away???

I am in the typical not-committed-to-someon e situation. I've been having sex and hanging out with this guy for about a year now. We both have feelings for each other, and I know for a fact that he cares about me (he always tells me and broke down when I told him the possibility of me having cervical cancer). The catch is, we are not in any form of a relationship and are pretty much just friends with benefits, although it feels way different when we are together. I've been driving myself crazy because I've realized that I love him, but I don't know how to tell him. He is your average 25 year old who has difficulty committing to a relationship because it scares him. I think I would feel better about everything if I just got it out and told him how I really feel, instead of keeping it all in and acting awkward around him....Any suggestions on what I should do or say?

Update: July 15, 2010.
To clarify the situation...I am the one who is capable of commitment and I want a relationship with him, but he is not ready for one.

- Asked by An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Law Enforcement

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My current boyfriend was the same way. We started with the same kind of arrangement he actually told me that "he did not see a future for us but if I wanted to still be friends with benefits he obviously would not mind". I have always been either a boyfriend or friend type of girl nothing in between so it was really difficult for me to accept anything else and my girlfriends gave me a really hard time about losing respect for myself etc, BUT deep down I knew we had something special and he was just scared of the title and letting someone get close sooo I took it easy with no pressure and just enjoyed getting to know him. 6 mths later he told me he loved me 1ST and was formally my boyfriend shortly after. We are now celebrating our 1 year anniversary and I have never been happier soo my advice if you really feel he cares and boyfriend material then play it cool don't pressure him with words and allow things to just happen..GOOD LUCK

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Managerial

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Men are ALWAYS ready for a relationship with the RIGHT woman. If he tells you he is not ready it's a sure sign you are not the right one. Because men will NEVER tell a woman that she is the wrong one. Do yourself a favor and don't waste any more time on him. Let alone telling him you love him to move things forward. This won't work.

- Response by fly404high, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Frankfurt, Other Profession

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If you are ok with him not reciprocating
I would just let him know how you feel and tell him that you have no expectations, you just needed to let him know your feelings for him.

If I love someone I tell them . And I let them know I do not expect the feelings returned. It is my heart I can care for it. It is when I do not speak the truth that I struggle~ in all situations.

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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Definitely don't just tell him that you love him right off the bat.

You can, however, tell him things like:
-You enjoy being with him
-He makes you very happy
-You feel good when he is around you, etc.

The thing is that, usually a guy is afraid of a relationship due to the negative factors that come with it.

You want to build up the BENEFITS of a relationship before you tell him that you are interested in having one.

If you don't do that, he is going to assume that your idea of a relationship is to trap him into a way of life that he is not happy with.

If you show him FIRST that your idea of a relationship is to have MUTUAL contententment, you can slowly warm him up to the idea without scaring him off. =-)


- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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To answer your question as to how not to freak him out/ scare him... Actually be in a stated form of relationship before you tell him. So since that looks like its not going to happen I say keep it to yourself.

- Response by drallig9399, A Hip Hop Guy, Male, 29-35, Dallas, Military

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i wish women would stop lying to themselves....guys are "not scared of commitment" they ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO IT..they ahev no probs commiting to someone they are in to

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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if I feel that I love someone,I just say it regardless if it will scare him or not..

- Response by le_gem735713, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Who Cares?

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Or, maybe he has difficulty committing to someone who has difficulty committing...

If you have these feelings and you speak up about them, and you also lose him... perfect. Now you know, and now you are freed up to find someone else.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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