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What should I do if my boyfriend listens to his mom and can't see my point?
Dating / 11:08 AM - Saturday July 10, 2010

what should I do if my boyfriend listens to his mom and can't see my point?

I have a problem recently and my boyfriend's mom doesn't care for me and I see it and so does my family and my boyfriend's friends see it. Though my boyfriend says he loves me but when it comes to his mom he listens to her which he should but the problem I'm having with him is that when something does arise he will never let me talk and will talk over me and point the fingers at me that I'm to blame when I think everyone is going to flaws not just me and I know myself I have flaws but I don't know what to do anymore and then he threatens to break up with me. which makes me sad we've been together for 5 yrs now and that's what he wants us to amount to because he cant change his habits when I've done a lot of changing throughout the years we've been together. I don't know what to do anymore about this or how to handle it. Please help!?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Chicago, Self-Employed

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And so history repeats itself

He's going to have to grow up. Took me till it was to late to figure that out. Best of Luck!

- Response by sillyrabbit879, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Retired

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It's been my experience in life that the only person that can change a fool that does not want to change is the one not trying to impress him who tells him the sorry truth about himself and then walks out. In that case the fools takes the dare and changes his behavior just to get even with the one who challenged him--and then finds himself liking the new and better man he's come to be, and everyone else around him equally.

You have been putting up with wrong behavior by boyfriend here for five years now in your mistaken belief that playing false to your own heart and not speaking the truth would change him to loving and it hasn't; as in your desire to impress him and and acquire and maintain his love and respect, you have pampered a fool and acquired nothing! And so, if you want to change this boyfriend into a truly loving man, you are going to have to play him as the enemy he is to you and tell him all the ugly truth about himself that you hate and then walk away and give him a change to either clean up his act and become a true man to you: or leave him for the true fool he is that you've let play you stupid for five years!

- Response by thedaimler2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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I read this, and was shocked when I got to the end and you weren't 18.

This is unacceptable. He is a GROWN man. He should act like one. Who the hell cares what their parents think when they are 30 years old? I mean, come on.

You are fighting a losing battle. Move on and find someone who puts YOU first.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35

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You really need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life battling with this.

Your boyfriend sounds a bit immature and not really ready for a relationship. It's nice that he's close to his Mom, but she really should play no role in your relationship with him.

It's all up to you to tell him what you want. He can only control your relationship if you allow him to.

Good Luck.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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Effective communication is one of the most important foundational bricks of a relationship. When that brick is damaged or missing, the foundation is weak & the building will crumble! The thing is how much longer will you continue to allow it to happen? Turn the tables! Let him know you have no problem ending the relationship! It's ok to agree to disagree yet if you're unhappy & your relationship is unraveling right before your eyes, maybe it's the time to move on, or maybe step back & give it space. Anytime you have meddling moms in the picture, that is always a recipe for disaster!

- Response by syncaset, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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if you marry into his family, your life will be a complete hell and dominated by his mom.
sounds like you have a choice of letting him go or enduring his mother and him not listening to you. seems like he is still tied to her apron string.
call his bluff about breaking up...see what he says and does.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

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I've had this problem before. The next time your boyfriend threatens to break up with you, make a HUGE deal out of the fact that he keeps bringing that up after you've been together for 5 years. Tell him that you can't be yourself when you constantly feel like you are walking on egg shells with your relationship. Tell him that he needs to stop threatening your relationship because it makes you really sad. If this does not work the first time, then the next time he says it just snap and walk out. Leave him for a little while. Let him know that he cannot take advantage of you that way. If he doesn't come crawling back then he was probably looking for an out from the relationship for a long time.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35

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