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My boyfriend doesn't like my dog...
Dating / 12:22 PM - Friday July 02, 2010

My boyfriend doesn't like my dog...

No matter what I do, my bf refuses to try and like my dog. My dog has been a great source of comfort for me over the past few years when I was going through a tough time.

Now, my bf and I live together, and he is starting to wish we could move into a nicer apartment. However, ours isn't bad at all (and I'd rather save up for a house) and it allows pets. A lot of the nicer rentals don't allow pets.

I don't know what to do. My parents offered to take my dog for me until we have our own house, but I get so upset at the thought of giving him away, even if it is only for a little while.

However, I am also starting to resent that he (inadvertantly of course) is starting to cause all this trouble between me and my boyfriend.

Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Update: July 02, 2010.
Thanks to everyone's thoughts on this! While I agree with all of you (I am far too attached to my dog to give him away) I am not ready to let go of this relationship yet. My bf says he has just not bonded with my dog the way I have, but now that we live together, is it too much to ask for him to at least try?? He has a cat that is super mean to me, and tears the crap out of our carpet, but I put up with it because I love my bf and the cat is starting to grow on me. Shouldn't me and my dog have the same respect?

- Asked by booknerd258, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Internet / New Media

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Any guy that doesn't like my dog, doesn't date me. My dog is easy on the eyes, and a sweetheart! Most dogs are. Me thinks there is a HUGE flaw in a guy that can't like a dog!

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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"Love me, love my pet." Or drop dead.

No way I'd give up my dog for a guy. No way. And I wouldn't resent my dog for "causing trouble" - I'd resent my boyfriend for being an asshole.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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I'm assuming the dog has never tried to bite him and he just isnt a dog person.....That being said, he needs to realize the dog is part of you. I'm a big animal lover that grew up wit a ton of different types of pets. As an adult I have always had pets. My hubby is just the opposite, cant stand animals but he knows they are a part of me and he has accepted it. I have 2 big dogs, 3 cats and fish. he may not want to curl up with them at night but he knows they are part of our household. Good luck!!

- Response by youngfuddyduddy, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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.....jettison the boyfriend.......a good dog is too hard to find.

- Response by namebecarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Oostende

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"Its me or the dog -- someone has to go" A classic choice.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Who doesn't love dogs? The boyfriend's gotta go!

- Response by infantrystud, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Military

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I would chose my Yellow Lab over any man, any day of the week.....

Ditch the loser......

- Response by selectivegirlsdna, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Montreal, Managerial

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It is hard to tell if you are more loyal to your dog or your boyfriend in this particular situation.

Personally, when you begin dating somoene, you make them aware of your life situation and they can either chose to accept it - or not... dogs included!

If your boyfriend is not accepting your dog, I wouldn't consider getting rid of your dog over it... unless, of course, you really are not all too attached to your dog in the first place.

If that's the case, definitely give him to a good home and move on with your boyfriend. If you are attached to your dog, remind your boyfriend that your dog comes as part of your life and he will need to find some way to accept that - just try not to bring your dog around him as much. =-)

- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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what kind of guy doesn't dig dogs? you sure he's not ghey? ... ok, with all seriousness aside, tell him to man up and dig the dog... unless it's one of those pain in the ass yappy dogs that chews on your feet...

- Response by dudemcguy, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Student

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sweety, please don't resent your dog over a man... men come and go..if ya were to break ,if he loved you enough he would except you pet... {family member} i would never give it a second thought,see how he reacts when you ask him to get rid of his cat,,your dog depends on you, he would die of a broken heart... i could never let my cheche go...he is a huge part of my life, i raised him since he was 3 weeks old... look i hope you make the right decision... just a thought i wonder if you had children and he didn't like children, would he ask you to give them away... it's not like the dog is taking anything from him, or bothering him.. your boyfriend is just a selffish person... god luck sweety.

- Response by mburgos, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Who Cares?

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my bf didn't like my dog at first,but he eventually learned to get along with my i'm sure he'll get attached to your dog if he loves you.

- Response by le_gem735713, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Who Cares?

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Listen, Men come & go! But your dog, is like your child, with you til death. I am on your side!

- Response by pearl2, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles, Teaching

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Does your bf have specific concerns? For example, if your dog jumps on him, or tries to sleep in bed with you two, or is super-hyper - then those are specific behaviors that you two can address. Take the dog to obedience training and firmly enforce the rules.

My husband and I have a cat, and we agreed when we got her that she should not be on any surface where food was eaten or prepared. We firmly enforce this rule, and our cat has learned to obey it.

Similarly, it's perfectly fair and reasonable for your bf to ask that you address problem behaviors with your dog. However, if your dog is well behaved and your bf simply doesn't like the dog - well, tough for him. Particularly since you are putting up with his cat.

It makes me wonder - is your bf a jealous person? Does he have problems with anyone being close to you, or is it just the dog?

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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If your dog is well behaved, then he shouldn't have any problems. If he is a hot mess, send him to obedience school, then revisit the topic with your bf.

- Response by howjm, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Managerial

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i think you should have made sure the boyfriend got along with the dog before moving in together. no way i would move to a place that did not allow my pet or my girlfriend's pets.

- Response by sirkermittsg, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Transportation

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A dog, in most cases, is an animal that shows unconditional love no matter what. Unless it has been mistreated, it will be this way.
It is not your dog causing the problem, it is your boyfriend's inablility to accept both you and your dog.
Unless he accepts this, you may have to choose between the dog and your b/f.
Which is more important to you now and in the future.?
Why does he feel the way he does?
If he cannot accept the dog now, he may not accept any animal in the future.
I was brought up around dogs and loved them very much.
Had an Alaskan Husky that went to the picture shows with us kids and even got his own ice cream cone from Dairy Queen.
You could have your parents take the dog and you see it when you go over there, but you seem to like having Fido around day after day.
Good luck!
Hun, it sounds like J.R. is bitchy and not giving you a right o have an animal.
What happens when you move to a new place?
He has the cat and you can't have your dog?

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

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This is very telling about your boyfriend. I would lose the boyfriend. A mate that can't accept a pet that you've had way before the boyfriend, should leave. Don't make the same mistake I made. I had 4 cats for nearly 14 years and had a boyfriend move in with me which was my first mistake. I was so swept off my feet by the boyfriend that I set my feelings aside of my pets momentarily. Soon I realized my boyfriend was not treating my cats right and they were afraid of him--he was not a pet person at all. Recluctantly I gave all my cats to my daughter to care for as they deserved a better life than what I was providing, but my heart ached. The relationship ended anyway and in the time away from my cats, my favorite died and I was heartbroken that I could make such a horrible decision. I put a man before my pets. I will never do that again. I should looked at the warning signs. If a man truly loves you, he would never think of asking you to give up your dog. Don't make the same mistake I did. Your dog deserve better. Blessings!

- Response by blossoming1, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Seattle, Civil Service

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There may be an unlying reason why your boyfriend doesn't like dogs, like he had a bad experience with one. Or if it is just your dog that he has a problem with, to me that says a lot about your relationship. Think of it this way, your dog would never abandon you for another relationship. If your boyfriend really loved you, he would try to bond with your dog, or atleast make an effort to deal with it around. I understand you don't want to break up with your boyfriend if you got a good thing going, but your dog was there first. In my opinion, any man that doesn't like my dog or won't atleast make an effort, isn't worth my time.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Buffalo, Political / Government

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I love dogs. I love animals in general. I grew up with dogs, lots of them, and I was always having to clean up after them in the yard out of all the siblings... I was delegated consistently... and we had great danes... big dogs, big messes... I never really got used to it or enjoyed that part much. But I had fun wrestling with the great danes, playing, and messin around.. going for walks was always fun too... sitting in front of the fire for iconic Rockwell type images always played out... but if I struggled with feeling clean, hair shedding everywhere and the constant issue of never feeling quite "picked" up, then it kind of sat with me and now although I really love and enjoy dogs and think they are such wonderful creatures honestly... I very much so still struggle with the continual cleaning up of the messes, and inability to ever feel like I have fully cleaned up hair and such, etc. as you never really can get there... It's my problem really and I have worked hard to ignore it or overcome it, but it still sits with me at times... that said.. my "ex" is a lover of dogs and she cared for them more than me... gave them more attention and they had a higher place in her world than I did.
With cats... I am not so good. Very few cats have ever appealed to me. I am not a cat person, although there have been a few my sisters had that were very good and nice ones that I did well with. But most cats are not for me.
That said, maybe talk to your s/o about this and maybe there are some underlying things that he cannot resolve. Try to discuss what the barrier is to him bonding with the dog instead. And just remember that cat people, and dog people are two very, very different types of people. It's much like wine vs. beer says a lot about a person.
You are right though... your dog and you should both have the same respect.

- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Managerial

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I really don't understand why your boyfriend doesn't like your dog.. What's not to like? The only thing I can think of is that he's afraid of it.. but that seems really stupid! Is there some other *thing* going on.... ? Is he... jealous??? I really don't think he should make it a deal breaker and that you should have to abandon your dog who has been your friend and has been with you through the good times and the not so good.. all an animal asks for is affection. Something is amiss here but heaven knows what it is..

You haven't liked his cat because of how it tears up the carpet.. but now you're starting to get fond of it.. because it is his cat. A relationship is give and take, not a one way street..

I know you want this relationship and, although this is focused on an animal (that is yours), I would wonder if this is a signal of what would be to come with other things..? Its only a guess, I could be completely wrong, but its food for thought?

- Response by heatherjune123, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, London, Who Cares?

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I read all the "dump the bf" replies, here's the other side of the story. I once dated a girl who was an animal lover, and nothing is wrong with that.. but, her cat would get on the table and try to eat out of MY plate, the house smelled like cat shit. She had a parakeet that would sit on top of an open door, and the doors had streaks where his bird shit had run down the door. She also had a small dog that smelled like moldy carpet all the time.
Within 6 months. she had to replace ALL of the carpet in the house.
When I voiced complaints about the FILTH and STENCH, she gave me the same old line: I had my pets before you and I met.
I said "GOOD, you will have them after I'm gone too", and I got the hell out of there.
I'm not saying your situation is that extreme, but some people just don't share your love of dogs. I do agree that if this issue is a sticking point, what will happen if something more serious arises? You two are not meant for each other. I'm not saying either of you are wrong, you are just different, and that difference is too much to overcome, IMHO.

- Response by hearmenow, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Other Profession

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Sorry, but the dog was a part of you before he was. The boyfriend needs to get over his fear of your dog or it's time to let him move on. Sorry, but if he can't accept a part of you, then he's not accepting all of you. The reason he wants to move into a "nicer place" is because it'll force you to get rid of the dog. I can spin it jsut as much as he can and sound like it' ain't the dog, but if it's suddenly so important, and you know he's trying to get rid of the dog, put one and one together.

- Response by doom2ruler, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Technical

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If he loves you that much then he would learn to respect your dog. And who doesn't love dogs anyway? Anyone who can't appreciate a dog (as long as the dog isn't mean) has got underlying issues.

- Response by dallas007, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Minneapolis, Managerial

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Yes, you and your dog should have 'respect'...just think about what you just said.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Ottawa

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It seems like a whole lot fo dog people reacting here. I've had this situation from the guys perspective. My now husband had a dog when we met and we have still 7 years later not bonded. The dog is dog like, needy, barks at the mailman, gets overly excited and agressive at the front door, barks and bites the vacuum and constantly needs to be told not to stare and try to beg food.
It's like having a 3 year old that never grows up. All day it's don't do that, stop, sit, etc. etc.
Dogs are a HUGE amount of work, and they are quite smelly creatures.
I have a cat now and love him to death, so i have no jealosy issues nor do i hate pets! I just don't like this particular dog. Dogs aren't all the same. They have personalities just like people and this one is hyper when i'm mellow...not a good mix.

I think it can be worked out. The guy just has to deal with it. But don't force or expect him to love your pet as much as you do. And try to keep in mind that he's putting up with something he doesn't want in order to be with you. Give him credit for that.

I wouldn't give up the dog...i mean would he give up his cat? but realize It's hard living with something you didn't sign up for and that may be at total odds to your personality. And consider that you might not have another dog in the future if you guys stay together and this one eventually passes away. Can you live with not having dogs in your life down the line?
good luck to you it's a tough one!!!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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My reply certainly isn't in line with the others, but it's worth considering - in conjunction with the other good replies here.

Humans and human relationships come first and they should receive your best and most efforts. It wouldn't be mere jealousy on your bf's part if he were annoyed that you were giving your dog more and better attention than he received from you. It would be tantamount to you telling your bf that dogs are more important than he is. That is highly insulting, especially if you are considering an adult committed relationship with him.

I don't think you should get rid of your dog either. But I've seen relationships end because the animal owner just didn't understand that the primary relationship is the one between the people, and not the one between pet and pet-owner. Many of these other replies are just sad, because they claim that boyfriends (humans) are more expendable and replaceable than pets are.

You need to identify why your bf is not happy with this dog. Is it because he was raised with a different attitude towards animals? Is it because yours is not well behaved and causes him grief? Is it because your behaviors make it seem as if the dog is more important than he is? It's great that your dog was helpful to you in a difficult period of your life, but a dog isn't "supportive" in the way a human being can be - a dog is basically good company, but not human company. If you don't value human company and human relationships, let your boyfriend know quickly so he can move on to somebody who will appreciate him more. If you want a relationship with a human boyfriend, then you need to create some serious and meaningful compromises with him regarding how you will manage the issue of this pet and possible future other pets. You will not likely ever find somebody who sees eye-to-eye with you on all topics 100% of the time, and you must understand that if you are not willing to make compromises with your bf (and he with you) that you will likely always be alone. Selfish unwillingness to make allowances for others is a primary cause of relationship failure these days.

For instance, you can have the dog, but maybe he doesn't like it begging at the table, or sleeping in your bed. Maybe your bf doesn't like it when your dog jumps on him when he's reading or watching TV or trying to talk to (or kiss) you. These are not unreasonable desires on his part.

The basic idea behind animal obedience training is that there are clear boundaries between animal and human, and the humans call the shots. Untrained dogs that don't understand these boundaries are usually unruly and not liked by anybody other than their over-indulgent owners. Think about it as if you had a favorite female friend - your boyfriend doesn't share that bond you have with her, and never will. But as your partner, he is #1, and she isn't. It's the same with pets.

- Response by chuck99999, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Tasmania

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