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Why do so many women hang on to loser men and than complain that a good man is hard to find?
Dating / 9:48 AM - Monday June 28, 2010

Why do so many women hang on to loser men and than complain that a good man is hard to find?

I don't understand I work with a women who does nothing but bash men. Every time she speaks she speaks of how bad ALL men are and how they all cheat. But yet she sits and speaks of this one loser who has been stringing her along for years he's had multiple children with other women through there "relationship" she's totally brainwashed by him. But in the next breath she speaks of how hard it is to find a good man. I see this all the time and never understand it. My personal view is that people deal with what they want to and I don't think All men are bad either. I happen to be in a very loving relationship and personally won't allow myself to be treated like shit.

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Some people have such low self-esteem that unconsciously they think they deserve to be treated badly - so they just get into one bad relationship after another.

It's always much easier to try to blame everyone else than to look to yourself to figure out why you're unhappy all the time.

I agree with you that not all men (or women) are bad -- I've been married to the same guy for 39 years. We treat each other with respect and have a wonderful marriage.

I suppose too if someone grows up around an abusive or unhappy marriage -- they think all relationships are that way.

It's just a vicious cycle ... very difficult to break for some people.



- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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It's blame shifting. It's easier to just say there are no good men to be found in the world than to admit they picked a loser. That way, her problems are the fault of men in general and not her own short-sightedness.
Just a guess.

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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That's GREAT for you! You were very lucky to be raised well enough to be able to look for that from the start...

However, people (men and women) usually end up dating who they were taught to be attracted to (by example) and who is available to them, not necessarily who they 'want' to date.

Example 1: (No gender used here because this situation can be generic :) A child is brought up in a poor environment. Their parents fight often and the child learns that these are the types of people that are 'normal' to be around. The child becomes COMFORTABLE with that environment so they then become ATTRACTED to that type of behavior. In addition, that is who is AVAILABLE in their world. The 'good' people seem to be way out of reach for them, physically AND emotionally.

Example 2: The child is brought up in a rich environment. They are taught to never settle for less. They are spoiled their entire life, getting EXACTLY what they want - on demand. They grow up, are introduced to another rich person with another spoiled personality - and they are in constant conflict since they were both taught that nothing will ever be good enough.


Ones who will have healthy relationships are taught something in the middle (to LOOK for what they want BUT realize that they need to compromise)... and they are also taught compassion.

That is not common in our society and that's why so many relationships fail.

I hope that answers your question. =-)


- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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I too ask that question. If you find an answer, I would like to know

- Response by paul7313, A Career Man, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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All men are bad BUT she can't find a good one. Like they are some endangered species and they are hiding in caves down in Africa. Gimme a break. She would not know a good man from a bad one. The fact that she thinks this distinction even exist is proof that her view of men is completely off. Just like their are few serious issues that are black or white, people are the same. There isn;t a line in the middle of the group that separates bad from good (although she believes that she lives on the bad side of the line), it's gray. People aren;t inherently good or bad, there is alot of in between, in fact, the in between is usually the biggest part.

So she will never get a "good man" but the sad part is that you have to listen to her whine about it. God bless ya!

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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I see this all the time also. I call it the "any man is better than no man at all." If you hang on to a loser, atleast you won't be without a man-even if he IS a jerk.I never understood that thinking.

- Response by hrdmn10, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Other Profession

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Because she most likely give up the goods real quick and never got the chance to see what love is all about...I bet if she got in a relationship with a good man she would treat him like shit..... Just dont let her bullshit get into your relationship

- Response by melman, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Washington, DC, Civil Service

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