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When do I tell him I'm a 36 year old virgin?
Sex & Intimacy / 10:42 PM - Saturday June 26, 2010

When do I tell him I'm a 36 year old virgin?

I'm 36 and a virgin. My question is: when do I reveal this little tidbit of information? Here's a little background info... it's not for religious reasons. I just haven't had a serious relationship. I made the mistake of falling for my best guy friends in the past... waiting for them to realize what a catch I am, but sadly they never did. For the last 5 years or so I was the main caregiver for my parents, so I put my dating life on hold. So, now- I'm back in the dating arena and wondering if my life is going to turn into a movie title. LOL. I'd love some responses from guys my age but all serious input is welcome- was that a pun? Thanks!

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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I wouldn't spring that on him until the time of your first sexual reaction with him...

He should know at that point, so's he can treat you gently...but dear, you may be 36, and you may have never had sex, but I'm thinking you've definately felt passion...go with that...that is what will take you through this. :)

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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Well, as a guy who got thrown back into the dating pool at 50 know for my age I found the topic of sex generally comes up (is that a pun?)pretty quickly. When it does I'd expect you to at least admit you are rather inexperienced right off. Until it comes up no need to announce it. Some guys will love the fact, some run from it and some be indifferent. You might as well be honest right off the bat, as honesty and communication are what leads to having a good relationship.

- Response by grinandbareit, An Engaged Guy, Male, 56-65, Other Profession

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I dated a 34-year-old virgin several years ago. She was very sweet and enthusiastic about the things we did (we did several interesting things besides intercourse). I must admit, however, that when she told me she was ready to have sex with me (over the phone, not while we were fooling around) I broke the relationship off a few days later.

I broke it off because I didn't think our relationship was strong enough to last and I didn't want her to resent me for having "taken something" from her (her virginity). It was painful for us both but I think she appreciated my ending it before we'd done the deed.

So, to answer your question, I don't think you should tell your partner you are a virgin at all unless he asks directly. Why bother? Are you embarrassed? Do you think he will guess you are a virgin because of your performance? Do you think it will be messy?

Look, your virginity is special to you. You've obviously treasured it this long and that's great. When you finally lose it I'm sure you will remember the moment (and the man) for the rest of your life. And I hope it's a good memory.

But for your partner it could be kind of a burden. The last thing a man in his thirties expects to deal with in a partner is virginity. How would you like a partner to say "You'd better give me a really good kiss because I am going to remember it for the rest of my life!" Talk about pressure.

If you care about someone or even love him and want to make love to him, do it. If you and he stay together and your relationship grows then maybe you can reveal your former virginity to him later. I'm sure it will be very special to him after the fact (when there is no pressure to perform).

And don't worry about your performance. I've always felt that the most wonderful thing anyone can bring into the bedroom is ENTHUSIASM -- and any virgin can have plenty of that!

- Response by steveharrymike, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Why spoil the suspense?

- Response by joeblow1234, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Whitehorse, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Best to decide for yourself when it is appropriate to have sex with this guy. Though a virgin, and now you actually have a guy, you may still choose to be sure before you have sex. Being inexperienced is not so much of a problem. Just be educated about safe sex. If the guy is respectful and loves you for who you are, it won't be a big deal at all. I think there are a lot of older virgins out there than people willing to admit, but that doesn't really determine who you are and what really matters.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28

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Me too, took care of my parents and put life on hold. Not a bit sorry as I am not a fan of recreational sex or one night stands. Dated again in 2005 after years awol. I was like a scared But most guys never made a sexual move on me. One I just told I was celibate and he was okay with it. If I get to have sex it will be because I have found someone to love and who loves me. Not for an empty sexual experience. I will not be telling anyone exactly how inexperienced I am unless the relationship is emotional and exclusive. I am sure after someone takes the time to know me they will understand I would hope that both you and I will be valued even more by the one that we become intimate with. We so deserve it.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I wouldn't tell him until after a few dates. When/if you guys get more comfortable about sex or at least talking about sex you'll know. He may not be the one for you so no sense in telling him right away.

- Response by infantrystud, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Military

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At your age, virginity is a big red flag for men. Normal women have grown up and gotten on with adult relations many years ago. Somehow, for some reason, you have avoided adult relations and relationships. A man will worry about your emotional health and whether you have a normal libido.

Fortunately, virginity is curable. I suggest you ask the first man you meet to help you get over it and learn about being a functional adult woman.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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