My second husband feels I care more about my adult children than him
I am 47 and have been married (my second, his third) to a man that's 50. He has a 19 year old daughter, very religious and according to him, a disappointment with regards to how he had hoped her life would turn out.
I have a 25 years old daughter and a 24 year old son.
My son is presently in medical school, doing well. My daughter, has emotional and financial issues, and recently moved back into our home. Though he wasn't thrilled, her moving back in was with his consent.
His daily life is very stressful. He's an attorney and works 60 hrs/wk, sometimes more.
I also work, 30 hrs a week, maintain the home and most of the household chores, and am the emotional caregiver of all 3 children (my 2 and his 1)
With all on my plate, I have offered to help him do things related to his practice that might help alleviate some of his stress. However, his response is, "without a law license there's little I can do to help"
I find whenever he's stressed, I become an easy target for him to yell at.
Lately, whenever he hears me talking to my children, he accuses me of caring more about them and their needs then his.
When his own daughter comes to visit, he falls asleep on the sofa and I am the one talking and spending quality time with her.
I have been googling "second marriages and dealing with adult children" on the internet.
Many seem to think that his stress from his job, and his frustration with his own child makes me an easy target to dump on.
I told him I am not choosing my children over him. The way I deal with things is as they come, one step at a time.
I will pose to you the question I always pose to him, when he acts this way. "If you do not feel I treat you well what is keeping you in this relationship?"
Personally, I would not want to be married to someone I felt was treating me lousy.
This is not new. Ironically, this is something that started after we married. We dated a year and then lived together a year before marrying. He showed little sign of feeling this way then.
I also find myself emotionally withdrawing from him.
The more he tries to make me choose, the more resentful I become, especially when he tells me I am a lousy spouse for not putting him first.
I would appreciate feedback from those who are in second relationships dealing with adult children from the first.
- Asked by zritzistme
, A Thinker, Female, 46-55