Back to Home

Active Questions

How long should you wait after marriage before trying to have children?
Sex & Intimacy / 8:59 PM - Sunday June 20, 2010

how long should you wait after marriage before trying to have children?

We got married april of this year, and we both want to get on the road to starting our family. My husband is getting deployed october 2011, and I want him to be there for our baby, and he wants to be here too. so we've desided to wait until her returns home, which is reasonable.

however after talking to my mother about our decision my mom jumped down my throat and told me that I should wait even longer, at least 5 years to make sure we "stayed" together, and I was like mom, we could be married 27 years have 3 or so kids and still end up getting divorced... it's not going to matter if end up staying together 5 even 10 years... at 15 years we could still end up getting divorced.

I don't understand how my mom doesn't understand this, I mean it's logical, and reasonable, right? how do I deal with this? and how long would you wait after getting married to start having children?

Update: June 20, 2010.
What I was really asking is how do i deal with my mother on the subject? she doesn't want us having kids for at least 5 years, weather we're ready or not. she's convinced that he's going to leave me once we have kids, which doesn't make any sence seeing as he's the one to usually bring it up. but she believes this b/c his father cheated and left his mother after she had him and his brother... "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" she says, but she's never met his father, neither have i and I don't intend to. so what is her problem?

Update: June 20, 2010.
to all those who replied, thank you. and we are finacially stable for those who brought that up, and I did say that we were waiting until after he got back from his deployment. We've been through one deployment together already, and we've been married to eachother emotionally and mentle for 2 years before we actually got married on paper. so if you will we've been married to eachother for about 2 and a half years now, and we're both ready to have a child, and want one, but as I've said we plan to wait until he returns home, and even after that it will be another year before we start trying so my husband has time to adjust. thank you.

- Asked by An Engaged Girl, Female, 22-25, Self-Employed

Read more about the Rating System


Yes there are no guarantees that things will work out but I think you have plenty of time to have children and you want your husband to be around when the kids are born so why not wait until he is back in the States. It isn't easy taking care of a child on your own on a military base and he is gone most of the time. How long does he have to be in the military? We waited for 7 years before we had children. We enjoyed our time together by traveling.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


I've always thought that having kids might make you think twice about getting the divorce. Try when you are financially and emotionally ready to try for kids. It's not your mother's decision; you are a responsible adult. She will just have to deal with your decision.

- Response by bliss0392, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

Rating Received:


Its good to spend a couple years together as a married couple, before you add a baby to the mix.

I dont buy your mom's argument either, as I was married 22 years, before my divorce.

Still, its ideal to "be a married couple", for a few years before starting your family. That's harder for military couples, with the separation involved.

My sons have done that...my daughters didn't. Its ok. I'd never tell them how to run their lives. I just celebrate when I get grandbabies. :)

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

Rating Received:


Wait til you are better off financially. We waited til we could buy a house before our first son was born. Save as much money as you can before the kids arrive.

We were married 5 years when he was born.

- Response by scooper, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Your mother is a wise woman. Listen to her. I would be willing to bet that she told you not to get married, yet, as well. Compounding the issue is the fact that your man is soon going to be deployed. This will be a test of your marriage right off the bat. Will he believe you when you say you aren't doing anything while he's gone? Will he be the same man when he comes back from his deployment? Will having a child be overwhelming on you and become a burden to your relationship because he won't be able to be there to help you with it? These are all things that your mother is thinking of while all you are thinking about is moving it along. The reason that people say wisdom comes from experience is because it does. Heed the word of the wise, she knows more than you think she does.

- Response by dangerdad71, A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Seattle, Political / Government

Rating Received: