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What do you think of a guy who won't buy his girl an engagement ring? His reason
Dating / 9:11 AM - Sunday June 20, 2010

What do you think of a guy who won't buy his girl an engagement ring? His reason

is that he thinks it's a waste of money. This guy makes 6 figures, wants her to contribute to his mortgage after they marry. He feels she does'nt need a ring to prove he loves her. She really wants one and believes it's an important tradition.

Update: June 20, 2010.
Sorry, I did not add. He won't put her name on the mortgage. He wants her to move in to his house! So, she will basically be paying his mortgage which she won't be entitled to anything but his kids will get the house.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Well he's right...a ring isn't needed to prove he loves her...the ring is a gift binding the promise of marriage and the wedding ring itself symbolizes her vow to him and him to her and all who see the ring knows that the two are not single.

He won't buy the ring cause he's too cheap and seriously he doesn't want to be married. If I were you I would be very careful of him and dont jump into marriage if you have any doubts.

He should buy the ring because he knows that this would make you happy.

- Response by lasttrueromantic, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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get a new guy.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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Community Rating: Community Star

He's cheap and is being inconsiderate of her feelings.

And that's unlikely to change. She might want to consider that fact carefully.

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Internet / New Media

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That would tell me he is one inconsiderate cheap person with no respect or concern to someone's feelings.That is all I would need to hear.I would tell to find some one worth it.And I sure wold find some one who thinks I am worth it.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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There are already too many red flags when it comes to money on both sides for this marriage to last...

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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Let's find his motivation.

1. He wants the sex woman gave him only after he asked for it (she did not initiate) and naturally, does not trust her to be into him even for that, but only his money

2. Because trust and love go hand-in-hand, in that love never fails, that he does not love her is why he feels no necessity to give her a ring to prove "nothing"

3. That he is at ease in continuing to have sex without marriage first against his own flesh and then second against hers is the final proof that he has not found love and his conscience, or heart motivation, has not pricked him to do right by his own flesh and soul and hers and propose marriage to her with an engagement ring of promise!

My fourth question, then, is:

4. WHY HAS SHE BEEN PLAYING FALSE TO HER OWN HEART WITH THIS LIAR FOR HOWEVER LONG IT'S BEEN...?!

- Response by thedaimler2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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Let's find his motivation.

1. He wants the sex woman gave him only after he asked for it (she did not initiate) and naturally, does not trust her to be into him even for that, but only his money

2. Because trust and love go hand-in-hand, in that love never fails, that he does not love her is why he feels no necessity to give her a ring to prove "nothing"

3. That he is at ease in continuing to have sex without marriage first against his own flesh and then second against hers is the final proof that he has not found love and his conscience, or heart motivation, has not pricked him to do right by his own flesh and soul and hers and propose marriage to her with an engagement ring of promise!

My fourth question, then, is:

4. WHY HAS SHE BEEN PLAYING FALSE TO HER OWN HEART WITH THIS LIAR FOR HOWEVER LONG IT'S BEEN...?!

- Response by thedaimler2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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Missed point!

Additionally, him wanting to marry her with no engagement ring of promise equates to NO MARRIAGE of give and take afterward, another statement as to why he wants her to contribute to his mortgage before the fact without giving anything to her--he doesn't trust her to be anything but his money!


Again: Why is she with him...?



- Response by thedaimler2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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In my humble opinion, he is covering up his inability to buy her a decent engagement ring with bravado. Another way to look at it is: if he won't invest this in her (their relationship), what else will he chince on?

- Response by iapage, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Baltimore, Who Cares?

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I messed up. He is only thinking she wants him for his money. Maybe even that she wont stay with him even after they marry. He has some trust issues to work through. But this is only one side of the story. Has she given him reason not to trust in her completely?

- Response by iapage, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Baltimore, Who Cares?

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I think he's smart, a lot smarter than she is. She's a "slave" to marketing hype, while he's wise to avoid the hype of a very violent industry. Go watch the movie "Blood Diamonds" again.

The money would be a lot better saved and spent on a home for your family. Wise up. And don't be so gullible to marketing.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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he is very sensible

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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to buy a very expensive one would be a waste of money, but he can still get you something basic, at least a cubic zircon or such. But guys that make more than 6 figures usually are rather cheap and self centered and stingy. He doesn't need the ring to prove his love, but unless you are buying a very expensive house and he needs the help with the mortgage then he shouldn't worry about it. Also if she makes very good money too then she should contribute to it based on how much they make.

Many women today are making almost as much as men and yet when it comes to sharing expenses, their horrible attitude is "My money is MINE, your money is OURS" bullshit. If he is making 6 figures and she is making 30-40K then he should pay the mortgage and let her take care of all or part of the bills. If she is making almost as much as him then again they should split it proportionally.. 60/40 in favor of him or 50/50 if they make the same money.

Women today want equality only when it benefits them, but especially not when it comes to paying half because women still think like little girls or want things as it was 150 years ago and want to be "taken care of". Bullshit, it doesn't work both ways as feminism teaches where the rules only apply when it works in your favor in selected situations, then when equality works against you, you suddenly want things to go back to a traditional way where the man takes care of and supports you.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Once again, Joybird is off the mark. The ring is unimportant, but contributing to someones mortgage, a mortgage he took out before the marriage entitles her to nothing in the event of a split.

Get your name on the deed or make sure you contribute nothing more that what it would cost you to live alone.

And then save the rest for when you are single again.....

- Response by selectivegirlsdna, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Montreal, Managerial

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Call me crazy if you want to. But I think said chick in this situation needs to move along and away from this guy. I mean this dude is expecting her to pay for a debt that he incurred well before they were married and before she even moved in after they get married. What kind of craziness is that? I mean I could see going in half and half if it was on a SHARED place they found together and moved into. But as it is his solely, she could be kicked out at any time and he would have still gotten the benefit of her paying off some of his house for him. That alone sounds pretty messed up to me for sure. And to add icing on the cake here, the dude doesn't even want to get an engagement ring for this woman, but just the regular wedding ring once they get married. Which I know most women don't mind getting the engagement ring as it is just a symbol to them. But to me this dude sounds like he is all out stipulating the terms of a BUSINESS contract here and would just be using the woman to have HIS means be met. I mean her body will be used to bear his children if he is expecting to leave HIS home to them. And said woman is just EXPECTED to move in and pay off said house she has no rights to. I would definitely think it is in the woman's best interest to move on right away. As this guy is not looking for a wife or even someone to share his life with. He is looking for a marriage of convience that shorts the hell out of the woman all day. So the chick would be nuts to even consider marrying this guy at all. Oh and in case you needed a further hint. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH IN THIS SITUATION!

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Columbus, Student

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He sounds like a self-absorbed and selfish ASS.

A ring is a promise. The value of which - traditionally - required some planning and saving, and was more than he could easily walk away from. Six figure income, would mean that he'd be - properly and traditionally - spending 10-20k on a ring. Not because she wants him to, but because HE wants to show her his commitment. Anything less, is just that - less.


I had a co-worker get into one of these situations several years ago. She spent over 20k on *his* mortgage over the next year or so - which is insisted was "rent" - and a bunch of us moved her out after she "stood up for herself" and got smacked around for her troubles.

Ditch this guy, fast. He is contributing NOTHING of himself to this "relationship" and if pressed, will probably say "I gave you a place to live," which you'll have paid dearly for.

Nothing good CAN come from this.

- Response by cd92835, A Career Man, Male, 46-55

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GET OUT NOW< LIKE LAST nIGHT,EVEN THE DOGS WoNT PISS ON HIM, Doug

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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he is extremely cheap, and if he won't put her name on the mortgage that he expects her to pay, then he is a thief too! This guy likes money and himself more than anything - that is not the right mindset for a marriage. tell her to break it off - better to be safe now and upset than really sorry later - I would guess this is only the tip of a bad iceberg....

- Response by ruffian, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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dont be surprised if the next thing hes wanting her to do is to sign a prenup. the main reason why hes not wanting to invest any sort of money in the relationship is because he doesnt plan to have her around for long. what hes wanting is a legalized friend with privileges. another thing i can see happening here is him pushing for her to help pay off the house quickly,(while keeping her name off the title) and then throwing her out on the streets. hes using her as a means to an end as well as a steady supply of sex. and what i see as a strong possibility is him becoming verbally and even physically abusive before he kicks her out. men becoming abusive because they cant control their anger or it being jealous rage is largely romanticized.
all too often men start doing it when they want you gone. NO
man does what hes doing if hes really into her.

this is the scenario of a man who feels he has her pegged:some
what dim, whos going to obey him no matter what, wholl do anything even if it means lowering her standards to stay in this relationship, and whos wont care what he does. men rarely mistreat or even abuse women unless they know they can. the first thing she needs to do is remove herself from his house and life. then she needs to sit down and really take a look at just what it was in HER that got her into this type of relationship.

God bless, lisa

- Response by u2joshuadesireu, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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I'm constantly amazed that women can find these men and fall in love with them. Are they that desperate to get married?

- Response by hnimsoc, A Creative, Male, 56-65, Edmonton, Retired

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Goodness, this so isn't about a ring. That's just a diversion.

It's about love and trust and respect and partnership.

Things about which he doesn't seem to have a clue.

I'd free myself up to find a better man by dumping him.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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Hell no. OH HELL NO!!!

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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And my response is to your update, BTW.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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He must know something about her infidelity and be having second thoughts about her. IF he could be assured she is loyal and does not have a long history of lovers he might be more likely to buy her an engagement ring. He has to be assured she is faithful and not lying to him about her past.

- Response by whitewhiskers, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65

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Sounds like it is time to walk away.

- Response by A Creative, Male, 29-35

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Tell him you won't move in without a ring on your finger and that if you pay half the mortgage your name should be on the title. He is accruing equity and so should you if you're paying. It's an investment that you are helping pay for. If you aren't married and don't own the home together then you're just a paying roommate and he is your landlord who also gets to sleep with you. Not a fair trade off.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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First of all in many states she hast to be on the title if they are legally married, my state is one of them (she may not be on the mortage note but has to be listed at the courthouse) but that is besides the point.. this guy will get worse with time.. he needs to goo.. yesterday.

- Response by smartblond, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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I think the guy is being cheap and selfish.

- Response by le_gem735713, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Who Cares?

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Neither one of them is wrong, but they're clearly a mismatch. He should date a non-money oriented woman who agrees that a ring is a waste of money, and she should date a guy who doesn't mind buying an engagement ring.

- Response by lmarks, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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Didn't you ask this question last month? Our answers haven't change. He is one selfish dude!

- Response by ebm3, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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I'd need to hear his side of the story. Somewhere between what you are saying and what he would tell us, is probably close to reality.

- Response by etbass, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Executive

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she sounds greedy, i wish he could tell us his side of the story. no woman should be be able to walk away with their pockets stuffed with cash just cuz she changes ehr mind.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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I can't understand why some idiots are calling YOU greedy and spoiled because HE wants YOU to pay on HIS mortgage, for a house that you won't even own.

For some reason, the fact that women are allowed SOME human rights in our society is used by misogynistic pigs everywhere to excuse males' being selfish and stupid in regard to money. It's pathetic. And note that ALL the males that made comments like that are single; the old hag that made a similar comment is just that--an old hag. She's also fat, incidentally--so she's hoping that by being misogynistic, she'll attract positive attention from men who are as undatable as she is. What a hope. ;)

I think you should drop this selfish guy and let some other stupid woman pay for his house. If he can't buy you a ring because YOU want one, he's really not worth marrying. He should care enough for YOUR FEELINGS to do such a small thing. The average decent engagement ring is around 1K. Why would a guy who makes six figures even think twice before spending 1K to keep his girl happy? He's showing a huge red flag here.

Find a generous man who loves you. This one's not going to cut it.



- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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cheap bastard!

- Response by istaywired, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Political / Government

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well, I cant knock him without knowing him but the word cheap comes to mind. Is he an accountant? he should want to buy a ring, not to prove his love but to show it. wanting a fiancee or s/o to pay rent, ok if your both struggling but if he is able to host, it shows he is a miser and wants a roomy, not a s/o.
no, dont move in if its a roommate thing, no rent and no ring, no bling. I go back to my mothers old saying, why buy the cow if the milk is free.
move on, there are red flags all over this guy.

- Response by mtusa007, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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