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How can I get my boyfriend to be passionate and spontaneous with sex instead of a normal routine?
Sex & Intimacy / 4:22 AM - Tuesday June 15, 2010

How can I get my boyfriend to be passionate and spontaneous with sex instead of a normal routine?

I've been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years now and we have been living together for about 9 months. We have always had a very healthy and pleasurable sex life. The sex is amazing the way it is but at the same time I need more. I need to come home from work or walk into the room and him grab me and rip my clothes off like he just can't control himself. We have never had sex spontaneously it's like it is always planned. Including positions that we start and end with. I've tried numerous times to change it up but he always finds a way to shut me down. I've even tried to turn him on at times but if it's not late at night he isn't interested, or he will look at me and say we'll see, like he has to think about it or like I'm a child and if I behave then I'll get my surprise. I've tried everything I can think of but nothing seems to work. I can't help but think at times is it me? I know he loves me and I love him but I honestly feel like when we have sex he is only doing it b/c he feels it's his job or to keep me from getting sexually frustrated and being one of those women that nag all the time. If you have any advice please help me out

- Asked by brittanyheart43, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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Have you tried doing a slow strip tease, or something like a pole dance? You could come and start ripping his clothes. It would work for me..
Sorry I, can't think of anything else. I, do wish you, the best of luck.
Have a great day..

- Response by oldman52, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Sydney, Retired

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First off, you have to tell him flat out what you're thinking. If your needs are not being met, you will eventually get bored and want to stray. He needs to know now that just getting it isn't doing it for you, that you need something more adventurous. If his needs are getting met, it doesn't seem like he's one of those guys who wants to mess with simple satisfaction. I, for one, could never just be "satisfied". I want to know that HER needs are being met. Unfortunately, my drive is much stronger than hers, so that has never been an issue in my relationship. I think the issue for you is that your communication is lacking. If you feel like being a closet freak, don't take no for an answer and make sure he knows that YOU want it this way or that. Most guys love it when a girl lets us know what they want. It takes the thinking out of the equation and allows us the freedom to push the boundaries. If he's not one of those guys, you may want to weigh the important issues in your relationship and figure out if he's the right guy for you. In all honesty, just from your pic here, you seem to be a pretty girl and he may just be holding back because he doesn't want to push those limits in fear of scaring you off. I think if you open up communications, you might be able to bring the freak out of him. Good luck :)

- Response by dangerdad71, A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Seattle, Political / Government

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OMG! I'm kinda in the same boat! But it's not changing it up for me that's the prob, well, I don't really ask... but it's getting it more, whenever I want it that I'm having some issues with...

I basically get the same reaction from him though, he'll tell me "mayyy-be" if I ask if I'm gettin lucky tonight... or he will say "if you are good!" lol. I welcome that kind of talk though because that sounds a little kinky and I will definitely be a good little girl if I'm gonna get laid tonight, ya know? lol.

But changing it up is hard... I always ask my man if there is something different that he may want to try, a fantasy he has thought about, something I can do extra or special for him to get in the mood... He usually just says "nope, I'm good." lol.

Maybe ask him if there are things he wants to do or has thought about doing...

I recently (within the last month) told my guy I wanted to see him tub his own boat... I think it's sexy, well, cause I think he's sexy... And him gettin off and I get to watch... oh man, I get hot just thinkin about it... But seriously, at first, he was like, you are crazy... lol. Serious, he would say that... lol. But one day, out of the blue, we are gettin into it, get a little foreplay goin on, even some penetration... and then, he starts doin it... omg that was so friggin HOT! I couldn't believe it! I didn't question it, I just enjoyed it! But I talked to him about it and told him what that'd do to me... ya know? like, that's so HOT! Kinda like "I'd suck your d*ck if you did that to me (or with me)[and more details]." ya know?

- Response by thefemalemind, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles

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