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Guys advice needed - when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship.......
Dating / 7:55 PM - Sunday June 13, 2010

Guys advice needed - when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship.......

I met this guy on a night out last weekend, he came up to me a few times but I wasn't particularly interested especially in a random hookup on a night out so I was friendly but didn't give him much time, the following night we were out again and he came up chatting to me and after talking for awhile I was quite impressed with him so I told him to take my number and he could contact me.
So the following day he did and we chatted for four days straight, I was impressed that he was really trying to get to know me so I thought all the signs were there that this could lead to something good. Then he asked me if I was "a relationships person or do i just go with the flow" I didn't expect such a serious question so soon but I had to be honest so I said I go with the flow but don't believe in casual relationships either.
He told me his ex broke his heart and wasn't into getting into something else now so if I wanted to stop contact he would understand. I replied saying I thought that would be best. I really didn't want to get involved with another commitment phobe or get into a friends with benefits situation. He didn't stop contact then though, he insisted he liked me and wanted to see me again more than once and just go with the flow. He said he thought i meant i wanted a boyfriend right now which really insulted me because I don't even know him well enough to know if I really like him yet. He continued to text me for a full day but I just said I couldn't get involved with him now as I had been hurt so much in the past by casual relationships.
Anyway I've asked guy friends and they said I should have gone with it and see how it went and my girlfriends say the opposite so I'm confused. Did I do the right thing? or should I give it a shot?

- Asked by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, London, Other Profession

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You're young enough to give it a shot. But give yourself a time limit. If you find you are spinning wheels with this guy, extricate yourself from the situation. Just don't get in over your hubcaps.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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I have to agree with rougemarie that there is nothing casual about "going with the flow". It really doesn't sound like you two are on the same page, I think leaving it alone was a good choice.

- Response by kappow, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Student

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There's nothing wrong with going with the flow. You stated that. But, you also know this guy isn't looking for a relationship to develop from the women he's meeting or dating. Anyone can talk, see you out, and be impressive. You know if you want to meet a man that doesn't want a casual relationship, but would be willing to develop something more serious as you date. You also know this dude is not wanting anything but a casual relationship with the women he meets. Yeah, it could turn into something when he's ready.

But, you know right now, he's already seeing what you'll settle for. I'm glad you stood your ground on what you're willing to engage in. You weren't pressuring him for a relationship. You said, you'd go with the flow, but not if it flowed straight into a fwb or casual relationship. If he's was really cool with that, he would have stated this. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. It's what you want that matters. If you make a decision, stand by it. Don't allow what someone else thinks or does make you second-guess your decision. Just from what you've stated this guy seems like a guy looking for casual.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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