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How does a guy get more emotionally involved with a girl?
Sex & Intimacy / 11:05 PM - Wednesday June 09, 2010

How does a guy get more emotionally involved with a girl?

I find I have no trouble finding a nice girl to have sex with... But I can never seem to get more than that. I want a woman I can share deep emotions with, but I don't know how to escalate my feelings for her without scaring her away.

Am I putting the cart before the horse? Should strong emotions come before or after a couple starts getting sexual? In my experience, it's the same either way. So long as I only be a little bit emotional, a girl will stay with me. Once I need her to reciprocate the burning desire I have for her, she's suddenly not interested. It's painful and frustrating for me. Doesn't everyone want to be in love?

- Asked by A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Student

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You may have answered your own question... or at least, you asked the right one. If you truly want to be more than a sexual partner with someone, sloooooow it down. Take a girl out for coffee, lunch, dinner and a movie. Actually spend some time with her and get to know her and let sex become an expression of feelings for her. Then, maybe, just maybe it could blossom into something real. Best of luck to you.

- Response by walkdup3, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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You are taking this all backwards. You usually show how deeply you feel, by NOT attempting to sleep with her. You show them by wanting to spend a lot of time with her and desiring to get to know her better, again, by spending more time with her.

When you do this backwards, you tend to get the same type female (like yourself) which is superficial and only looking for a physical encounter.

You have to develop deep and tender feelings BEFORE you mesh emotional feelings.

I never met anyone that told me, they fell in love BECAUSE they had sex with someone. Or that, they fell in love WHILE having sex with someone.

The love comes before the sex.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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I happen to feel that getting sexually involved strengthens the emotional relationship. The two can help enhance each other, and the sexual aspect can grow as the emotional one does. They both work together, not as feuding, separate aspects.

If a girl can't share deep emotions, it's not because of the sex-it's just because of who she is. Personally, I take the emotional part far slower than the physical. I can't commit emotionally with a guy for a while, and I recently found a guy who works along the timeline that I do-which made things easier. It's about functionality, personality, and communication. Eventually you'll land a girl who works on the same terms you do-but for now you just have to keep searching for that girl who wants the same balance that you do!

- Response by femmefatale89, A Player, Female, 26-28, Student

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just go with the flow. In your age range, you would screw a bush if it moved or a snake if someone held its head. The attachment/emotions will come when the testosterone levels out, hormones quit raging and pre-sex is as good as the sex itself and afterward, your willing to hug and talk and not make up reasons to get out of there. It will come, dont rush it.

- Response by mtusa007, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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Selecting a decent and mature girl is the first step and if u r messing with girls that r giving up sex with no emotional attachment then that may be your whole problem. However, I have a feeling that when u start to fall for a girl that u sort of spill your guts telling a girl too much too soon. U have to hold back a little and make them work for your emotions and this will drive them nuts. If u tell them too much too soon then that will blow the flame out before it starts while if u make them work for it then that will build a strong flame. Rarely do two ppl fall for the other at the same pace so courtship is all about cat and mouse and building a flame.

- Response by aron77, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Kansas City, Celebrity

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Chill out. What's your hurry? It'll happen.

- Response by newyorkjoe, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Lawyer

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Dude, quit over-thinking this. Girls your age have no interest in a man's thoughts and feelings. Fnck them silly and move to the next.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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