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My husband keeps trying to go down on me etc. while I'm nursing/baby is in the room but can't see us
Sex & Intimacy / 7:01 AM - Monday June 07, 2010

My husband keeps trying to go down on me etc. while I'm nursing/baby is in the room but can't see us

It makes me really uncomfortable, even if the baby can't see us he's awake or nursing for God's sake!

I tell my husband no, but he's getting upset and thinks I'm unreasonable. He's going on a sulking spree that I'm "rejecting him, care more about the baby and I won't give him sex when he wants it".

I don't know how to get it through to him that I'm not rejecting him, it's just that it really creeps me out to think of the baby seeing or otherwise detecting us getting it on. It just doesn't seem right, not at 1 year, and I worry that if I give in it could be bad for the baby.

The problem is that my baby still nurses to sleep, and my husband wants to sleep too and he's too impatient. I tell him to just wait 15 minutes, when the baby is asleep we can put him in his crib and do whatever he wants. He sincerely takes it as rejection though and his feelings get hurt, then he either keeps trying to go down on me or put my hand on him until he gets pissy in frustration when I refuse. I'm happy to do it after the baby is asleep, by then half the time he is already sulking or asleep when I try, then the next day complains that I don't give him enough sex.

I'm starting to get really pissed at him. I say no, but he just keeps trying.

I can't help but just feel like he's insensitive and selfish to not understand that it can't be healthy for a baby to see, or detect even if he can't see, so he has to just wait!

What can I do to make my husband understand?

Update: June 07, 2010.
Sorry, typo there... while he goes down on me... I don't really think he has a fetish, except possibly always seeing my boobs or me half naked, but it's more that he's just impatient and wants to go to bed after, and is a bit selfish. He doesn't see how the "multitasking" isn't good for me or baby. I think I need to lay down the law and just tell him no more excessive advances when baby is literally attached to the boob,then he'll know ahead of time and won't feel rejected. My God, if he really wants to get laid, he can stay up another 15-20 minutes!

Update: June 07, 2010.
Guys, he is literally trying to fuck me while the baby is still attached to my breast! Innevitably if I do let him go down on him, he tries to then hop up and have sex. It's not like the baby can really be that oblivious to mom rocking around-nor is it really enjoyable for me to stay completely still and worry that baby will notice it while he's nursing in my arms and snuggling away. Sorry, something creepy about baby hugging me while daddy is trying to fuck me! Ok, maybe I am prudish, but the baby sucking on my breast while I'm simultaneously have my husband's cock in my hand just seems wrong! I guess maybe I am prudish, I'm just afraid that if I don't draw the line on this, it's going to be bad for the baby. He already understands enough to try to copy us in other things.

Update: June 07, 2010.
He's trying to go down on me, have sex silently/without moving or get a hand job while I'm nursing! Seriously, he wants me to lovingly nurse my baby, then with my free hand reach back and give him a handjob without moving much so the baby doesn't see/notice! In the past, when the little guy was really little, I had let him wiggle under the covers, totally unseen, to do some stuff while I stayed perfectly still (not enjoyable for me though, too much distraction), but even for that I think the little guy is too big to be around. I have always refused to give him a handjob then too, just because the thought of touching his cock while my baby is nursing is just disturbing. I don't know, maybe I'm uptight, but I just don't want to traumatize the poor kid.

Update: June 07, 2010.
Men just become stupid and selfish sometimes when it comes to their penises. If he continues to try, as uncomfortable as it is, I'm going to just have to take my son to the couch to nurse him.

- Asked by milla, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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As hard as it is for him, He does have to understand specially since is his child who you guys are talking about.

- Response by darkflyer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I'm going to be contrary to the other answers already posted. I suspect, first off, there is something irresistably sexually attractive to him about you nursing HIS baby. For a lot of men, it's a powerfully masculine feeling to know you had a part in creating another human being, and by giving him that gift, you automatically become hugely hotter.

And second off, even if your baby notices, even at a year old, he's not going to have a clue what's going on, won't care, and *I promise* won't be traumatized. Think about it: do you remember anything prior to about three years old? Your kid won't either. So you've still got a little time, and I'm sure your kid will be done nursing by then. Further, the same hormone that is involved in orgasm is the same one that causes milk let down and production. Yours is a uniquely modern American prudism. It lots of other cultures and countries, even our own not that long ago, families share one room domiciles, even sometimes beds. I guarantee you those couples are still having sex (or none would ever have more than one kid), and their kids are turning out just fine.

My advice, try it once or twice and see if your kid even notices. If he stops nursing or starts crying at any point in the process, you can quit the sexual activity and take care of your baby. Start with something small, like a hand job. Do it under the covers if you have to. Similar for letting your husband go down on you. Have him crawl under the covers to do it. Talk to your husband and let him know the conditions before hand - that any activity has to occur under covers and must cease immediately if the baby is disturbed. Hopefully this will help head off some of his frustration if you push him away.

If, AFTER trying, you're still too skeeved out to consider sexual activity when your baby is in the room, start seducing your husband in the mornings or the afternoons. This way the next time he complains that you never have sex with him, you can say, "but honey, we had sex four hours ago." You do still want to have sex with him, right?

- Response by 23rosess, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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Community Rating: Community Star

You need to be more in control of how you allow your husband to treat you.

We all have our "needs" and urges, but sometimes we have to be mature enough to be able to control them and wait until a more appropriate or more mutually enjoyable time to express them.

You two really need to talk about this.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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Your man either finds you totally irresistable when you are nursing or he feels you're giving too much attention to the little guy. I can see the men here don't understand why you can't have sex while you're nursing. I think it is totally ridiculous that he expects you to "multi-task" when you are nursing, giving him a hand job or him giving you oral. What about your sexual needs? You still feel sexually attracted to him right? I know when I was nursing, I didn't feel at all sexually attracted to him and I actually nursed in another room, not in our bed because he didn't want the baby sleeping in our room. It might be better if you nursed elsewhere like in the baby's room or on the sofa. Tell him that you need that time to get the baby to sleep, perhaps put the baby to bed earlier or have sex with your man in the morning before the baby wakes up or when the baby is napping. I know it isn't easy when you're trying to juggle work and family life.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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First of All, at 13 months, you need to stick a bottle in the babies mouth and keep it moving. He/She is too damn old to be Breastfeeding. Shame on YOU!!! (yes, i have 3 kids) Second, Loosen up a little DAMN, a 13 month has no clue as to what is going on..Period!!!

Lastly, Fuck your husband cause he WANTS SOME PUSSY!!!!!!!! HE WANTS YOUR PUSSY!!!!

Would you rather have him worry the shit out of you while you "nurse a grown baby" or would you rather him get frustrated to the point he goes out and screw someone else?

- Response by handsomedetroitguy, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Political / Government

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He sounds mentally unstable and should seek professional help. Sick.

- Response by shanegalang, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Transportation

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You're such a goof ball. Ball of nerves goof ball.

Earth to Nerveball! Most married with kids have sex with the kid in the bed. You scoot them down by your feet so they don't get bonked but you still know where they are.
And we also have sex while our wives are pregnant. Right up till they deliver.

You do realize a second child will be along shortly right?

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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Really this is a perspective issue for you both.

You see things differently than him. Personally I like open mindsets and a fun heart towards anything sexual. It benefits you two down the line.

However, I can easily understand your point too. I would assume having a baby on me might not make me to touch my wife.

Let him know and feel like you want to F his brains out a lot but usually when you think of it you are not nursing. Or just let the baby nurse on him a bit and see how he feels.

|| DK ||

- Response by ddkk, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Philadelphia, Political / Government

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- Response by shelea55, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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This is creepy and he sounds like a big baby. He cannot wait 30 minutes or so for you to finish nursing the kid?

Nursing a baby might look easy but it is exhausting on a woman's body...I have been there.

- Response by scooper, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Who Cares?

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sounds like hubby has a fetish of some sort! I don't see how you could enjoy sex while breast feeding a baby at the same time...too distracting! You are correct, tell hubby to either wait or jack off, his choice.

- Response by hearmenow, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Other Profession

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your husband is a pig and a pervert and he has no respect for you or your feelings.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Your husband's problem is that he is extremely jealous of the baby, and all the attention that he/she gets from your wife. Yes, he is being very unreasonable about this. What's that expression? "Just say no." He's being silly about this.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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what I learned in college Child Psychology is that Memory does not form until age THREE.
a baby will NOT REMEMBER anything for LIFE until after age 3.

This baby is gonna forget everything.

get eaten out! jeez.

sounds like You're being a PRUDE. no real offense, but, really?

- Response by discotrash, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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I can totally understand what you are going through because my ex did the same thing with my son and he continually 'complained' that I was spending more time with our son than I was with him...he didn't do this with our daughter and I was surprised that he would do it with our son and I later found out that he was 'jealous' of the attention that our son was getting and that's why he would try to have sex with me or go down on me while I was nursing...maybe your husband doesn't realize that he is exhibiting signs of jealousy or is being unreasonable because he believes that he is entitled because you are his wife...maybe what you should try is to talk to him openly and honestly about how it makes you feel and listen to his side about why he feels he 'needs' to have you when you're doing this, you may both find ways to 'enjoy' each other and won't feel like he is 'forcing' you to love him and he will feel better about the fact that you still love him and desire him...I'm so sorry you are going through this and I can understand the frustration you feel because it may not seem like a lot to others but when you go through it, it can make you feel like just a piece of meat and can cause a lot of intimacy problems in your relationship...good luck and hope things work out for you...:)

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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I am coming from the complete opposite opinion as most but I can definitely say that having sex in front of your 1 year old will not affect him at all. I breast feed my 6 month old and occassionally my 18 month and 3 year old. My husband loves to go down on me while I am breast feeding even the 3 year old who just thinks that Daddy is kissing me down there instead of on the lips. I don't feel uncomfortable mounting my husband on top when just the 18 month old is around but when the 3 year old is around, I do try to keep a closed door while he naps. My 3 year old knows where babies come from and couldn't care less when he sees my husband's penis in the bathtub. It's all about being natural and realize that your husband probably just gets so turned on he can't help himself. I've breast fed my 18 month old while crouched over him with my butt in the air over a big pile of pillows while my husband enjoyed me doggy style and the 18 month old didn't have a clue what was going on.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Columbus

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