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Why does my husband never i mean never ever do romantic things for me?
Married Life / 12:38 PM - Wednesday June 02, 2010

why does my husband never i mean never ever do romantic things for me?

Me and my husband have been married for almost 5 yrs and we are both young, I'm 22 he's 21 he never buys me flowers , candy I like or take me anywhere special or suprise me even on holidays he just gets me a card .....He comes home from work and sits on the couch and does nothing but if his friends want to go out he jumps at the oppurtunity to go but wont do anything with me or our son together. Is it time to say that maybe he doesnt want to be here and as hard as it is move on or will there be a time he might grow up its very frustrating and sad i feel like he doesnt care anymore the way he used to. i have even told him blatanly that i miss all the romantic stuff and he flips saying well maybe you should find someone who will do it for you and gets mad.

- Asked by A Cool Mom, Female, 22-25, Medical / Dental

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Do you think maybe you were too young when you got married?

Why don't you try leading by example instead of complaining and pouting?

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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Community Rating: Community Star

Ok, let me get this right, he was 16 and you where 17, and now you want him to be romantic? Romance is something one learns, not just a term. It is not genetic, it is a learned trait. Was he being romantic when you married him while in most states you were both considered children? Now, if you read my answer correctly, you will give me a star, if you don't read it for what it is meant, I will expect a jerk.

- Response by phoenixbandit, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Columbus, Law Enforcement

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I'm not sure why you expect maturity from someone who is just a boy.

That being said, he married you and you have a child together.

If you want to him to grow up, you're going to have to lower your expectations, and back off to give him a chance. Nagging never matured any man.

In the meantime, if you want romance, give yourself some. Buy yourself some flowers, a bottle of wine and a rom-com, and have a nice evening in.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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if he never did this b4 then he probably wont do it now. if he used to do it then he probably feels its unnessary now since you guys are married. maybe plan an interesting trip with him that might spice things up

- Response by couchie666, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

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Being so young when starting a relationship prevents you from growing up in certain ways. Maybe sowing oats or learning things from different relationships (romance). I would suggest counsiling if you can get him to go, or try some new hobbies of you own and let him wonder what your up to. Maybe he will come around and start paying more attention to you. I hope so for you and your sons sake. Good luck

- Response by fas2005, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Science / Engineering

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Honey....it's time for you to move on with your son....find your happiness while you are still young. Don't stay in a relationship where you are this miserable. If he won't work on making the "us" better than you need to make a decision and move on to the positives. Raise your son to know how to treat a woman with respect and love.

- Response by lasttrueromantic, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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ok, first of all... if he is not doing anything with you and your son as a family then thats the bigger problem.. and of course especially at such a young age he should still know how to romance you or take you out once in a while.. some guys never grow up, but you shouldn't have to settle for that excuse.. you need to talk with him and find out if he still wants to be with you, if not you should move on from now cause it will only get worse.. you and your son deserve someone better!

- Response by jojo914, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Sounds like romance in your life has flown out the window.

Either suck it up and find other things to do, creative things, or if you feel you have nothing in common whatsoever, call it quits and give yourself a star for at least trying.

Think it over and see if you can catch his interest again.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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He might grow up. But, I have to ask, "Why did he marry you?" At these young ages and in such a short amount of time, for him to be this complacent and clueless is sad. What did he used to do concerning romance before you got married? Why did this stop? It appears that you need to be able to communicate with him about how you're feeling. But, not all men are candy, flowers, and candlelight dinners, when it comes to romance. He probably thinks all he has to do is remember. Hence, the card. As far as his friends go. I hate to say it, but he's showing interest and attention where he truly wants to. Which again, make me wonder why he got married. Because, while he should have friends and enjoy them.

He is married. His priority should be his wife, his boys have to take a back seat. He's neglecting you and you don't seem to be communicating how you're feeling to him. The thing is, you might do this and he take it as nagging. You have to realize what it is you are wanting from this marriage. If you're not getting it, and this man doesn't feel the need to change his ways, it's not him that shouldn't want to be there, it's you. Life is short. And, you're too young to go through this throughout the rest of your marriage. If he wasn't ready to get married, he shouldn't have made that commitment. Things might change. But, they also have the same chance of getting worse. You have to decide how long and in what way you two can try to save your marriage, if it continues hurting you as it is. Good luck.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Did you ever think of doing something romantic for him. I mean the way you put it, he works and comes home to a woman who just waits for him to pay her bills. Maybe you could make the effort also. You say no where where you are doing anything romatic yourself. Maybe that line about you finding someone else was a jab atthe lack of romance you show him. Men usually drop the romance stuff when they see it gets them no where. You have probably not done anything in so long to make him feel appriciated, so he has no reason to be romantic towards you.

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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simple, he doesn't love you. How can you possibly know what love feels like at 17?

where were your parents through this? why did they not intervene. This is obviously not love, maybe on your end, but definitely not his. Pretty sure he wishes he was seeing other people, or maybe he already is. I'd look into that if I were you.

good luck.

- Response by thecorrectanswer, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Toronto

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Read Juandontbeg's answer carefully, and then read it again. He has a very good point. You don't say whether you work outside the home, but if you don't, what is your husband coming home to? If it's not to a clean house, a good meal and a wife who put some effort into her appearance, of course he's not going to be motivated to do anything with you. Romance is a 2-way street.

Also, make sure you get out of the house without him or your son once in a while. You need to have a life outside of your family, or your husband will be bored by you. If you have interests and hobbies that give you something to talk about, it'll keep the romance going.

- Response by steff81, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Teaching

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Does he show that he cares about and loves you in other ways? It may just be that his "love language" is different from yours. Read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman to find out how you can communicate your romantic and emotional needs more effectively and be more attuned to the way he communicates his.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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i can tell you what not to do right now....DONT CHASE HIM!!!im hearing from his body language and what hes not telling you that hes just not that into you. thats a red flag when your husband wants to spend time with his friends rather than with you and your son. he DOES need to be reminded that he does have a responsibility towards his son, but DONT use him as leverage in the relationship either to get closer to yout husband or to manipulate him. another thing NOT to do is to start looking around, thinking that the grass just might be greener on the other side, and the nrxt thing you know youre having an extramarital affair. regardless of how bad hings might be in your mind YOURE STILL MARRIED TO HIM!!! and whatever you do, DONT start telling your personal business to some other man you might say is "just a friend." thats how alot of affairs get started. as i said. YOURE STILL MARRIED TO YOUR HUSBAND. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING!!! PERIOD!!!!

there is hope here, by the fact that youre married to him. God can and will take this marriage and restore it, if BOTH OF YOU
are willing to put HIM in the center of the picture. this starts with YOU. what HE does is out of your hands. the first thing YOU need to do, is turn your life and marriage over to Him, quit complaining, and start praying. men have a way of tuning their partners out when they feel unappreciated by loveed ones. im aware that he needs to see his duty to family extends beyond just bringing home a paycheck, but thats for God to deal with in him. do you really want your husband back? like i said, dont chase him. and dont start thinking by doing all the right things, thatll bring him around either. neither nagging or placating is ever going to make him love you,

give God a try here. you have nothing to lose.

God bless, lisa

- Response by u2joshuadesireu, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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he has you where he wants you and does not think he has to be romantic as he was b4.
I tried to be romantic to my (EX) wife and I was rebuffed. That was 20 years ago!

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Getting a boy right out of high school, and yourself being an immature girl playing house was not a great idea. You both haven't grown up yet. His being with the boys reminds him of a simplier time when he was free. Sadly, the longer you stay married, the worse it will be. Please don't have any [more] children. If possible, get an annulment, and charge this up to immaturity. Develop yourself in the next 5 to 10 years. Get a college degree, a great job, and start taking care of yourself. This is not a marriage. It's a long sleep over, and now the other kid wants to go home. There's no blame, just lessons learned.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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Sad to say, it sounds like the love has died in your marriage. He sounds like he misses the life he had when he was single. Maybe you should think about moving on? It's a tough decision, but he sounds intransigent, and I doubt he is ever going to change.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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I just had a woman leave me (for the third and final time) because she said I didn't have habits like leaving her notes or flowers or tell her enough how beautiful she was or say I love you enough. I had reservations two weeks away at a beautiful lodge on the tallest mountain in the state, I stayed with her 24/7 during three recent surgeries and gave ALL of my strength to being there for her at the expense of myself. There was a long list of places I took her, activities I shared, many times I told her I loved her and thought she was pretty but it was never enough.

Telling her and showing her I loved her more would have made no difference because more is a quantity that can never be arrived at. Getting what you earn is a real quantity that can be arrived at and women who have no sense of that are not relationship material.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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@Juandontbeg and stef881 maybe she does work as well full time or maybe she is a full time mum, which believe me looking after a toddler is very hard work, demanding and draining. It can also be very stressful and don't forget if she does look after her son full time she doesn't get paid for it either. She's doing a job too in looking after their son and bringing him up. So she should get recognition and appreciation for that as well. Not just her husband because he's the one bringing in the money. She may contribute to the family income too as well as doing everything else when all he does is work. From the sounds of it he doesn't even help with looking after his son by spending no time with him. Fathers should want to help look after their children and spend quality bonding time with them and husbands/partners should want to spend time with their wives/partners and enjoy the time spent together. If not there is definitely something wrong!

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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That would mean that he was ONLY 16 and you were ONLY 17 when you got married????? Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy...... Sorry to hear it. I hold out little hope for your marriage but wish you well and commend you for the effort to do the right thing in the face of such a catastrophic error. :(

- Response by undercoverguy, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Retired

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