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Active Questions

Would you rather someone was rude to your face, or rude behind your back?
Jokes, Polls & Anything Else / 3:37 PM - Saturday May 29, 2010

Would you rather someone was rude to your face, or rude behind your back?

Do you tend to get in someone's face, or talk shit about them behind their back?

- Asked by anie01, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Teaching

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I cannot stand anyone who invades my personal space. It's one of my "worst possible things that could happen." It may be on the top of the list.

I avoid being nasty to anyone in the real world, actually, and I hate confrontations. If I have to finally drop the curtain, so to speak, I do it in the most subtle way possible. I go out of my way to avoid situations in which there will be any confrontation.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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people should have the "courage to confront" whether it be rude, or not. I think tact has to play a role in any confrontation. You have to know how to treat people...period. If you don't like something... tell them, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.

- Response by cracko14, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

if there's something to be said that is going to ruffle feathers, it's far better to say it (write it) directly to the person. impact is everything. when in a confrontational situation, you confront.

"talking trash" is not an optimum way of conveying any message. it does happen, particularly between and amongst people who have "common cause", but it does nothing at all to reshape the issues. "in your face" communication may or may not, but it's always the first and best method of saying what has to be said.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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I generally don't care what people say about me but I would prefer the rudeness to my face. I don't tend to get in people's faces unless it is well warranted. If I have anything to say about them either to their face or not I stick to the truth and fact and leave the hyperbole for others. Generally as I rule I don't volunteer much about others unless once again is is well warranted.

- Response by canajun, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Vancouver, Self-Employed

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I hate gossip but really what people say about me behind my back is none of my business, fortunately. If I love you and you need to be, please be rude to my face.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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If I have something to say...I say it...trying to keep in mind that when one argues with an idiot, there are two idiots arguing.

And I strive not to waste my time and energy on rude people...whether they are within earshot or not is irrelevant.

- Response by drumboi2, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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<<<<<<< Would rather HELP them, but sometimes,it is NOT your call to do such things, therefore, hoping SOMEONE comes along and SHOW THEM THE WAY...I do not know WHY...BUT,BUT,BUT...I BELIEVE!!!!!!!

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I'd prefer those people that knew how to behave properly.
Idiots that cause shit, I genarally leave to themselves...

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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I'm not good at confrontation and hate drama cause I have had enough drama to last 2 life

- Response by gregslove77, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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if i have a problem with someone, i'll tell them to their face....i don't talk behind their back.....

- Response by themamu, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?

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I'm very confrontational in the sense that if I have something to say I'll say it directly to your face without hesitation. I appreciate the same consideration but rarely get it in return. lol

- Response by houseworkmakesyaugly, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

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You asked about rude and everyone is talking about confrontation. LMAO. Aren't these two different things? Let me give an example.....I started seeing someone another gal I worked with had been seeing and she was pretty green eyed about the whole day she walks up to me in the morning and commented that I looked like I'd had a rough morning or slept in my clothing. She meant to insult was rude...not a confrontation...just rude.....on another occasion however she accused me of evicting someone from group purely out of meanness. Not so....and there was indeed a confrontation about the matter with the rest of the team in attendance.

People can be rude to your face or behind your back....neither particularly necessitate a confrontation. I tend to ignore people who bait me not matter how they go about it.
I might point out someone's rudeness in asking me certain questions or making certain statements directed to me in person or in front of me. And when people gossip...I don't think that falls into the category of's a whole other issue. On occasion people have talked smack about me....depending on the damage their smack could cause dictates whether I confront them about what they are saying or not. I'm not above walking right on down to the person and directly asking them about it and laying out the consequences of continued smack talking about me.

But keep in mind GOSSIP is functional. It's intrinsic to the human condition. It's a basic way of passing crucial information about others in the group so that people avoid pitfalls of interpersonal relationships with that particular person or persons. It can be distorted but sometimes it's not.
It pays to learn how to discern which is which.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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In theory it would be great for them to say what they have to say to my face. But in reality I know I am not a really confrontational person and sometimes when people are being rude to your face they aren't tactful, they just throw out their feelings and get overly dramatic about things and make a big scene. Which I totally can't stand when some people are like this at all. So I would rather hear someone say something behind my back and then when I am able to pull them to the side, I'd talk to them about it. But I will not be all out confronting any one in any random place just because they have something rude to say about me. I mean if that were the case I would be the one causing the scene every single time and just making myself look crazy. Which I don't need happening either, lol. And besides all that, when someone is saying something behind your back you don't know if they really said it and if it was a one time thing or built up feelings they have had for a while now. So have to be able to confirm if what was said actually came from the other person and what the real issues are behind their rudeness. Once all that is determined, still good to pull someone aside and work the stuff out privately. Open confrontation is just providing a show for people they aren't even involved and sometimes doesn't even solve anything as the other person knows they are getting attention and things are less about the rude comments and more about how many folks are watching or taking their side.

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Columbus, Student

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i'd want to hear what they had to say to my face if it is something that affects how they feel about is fair to me so that I can decide if i want to be bothered with them. we all have things about ourselves that we either can not change, don't want to change, or don't even think about..let me know if you don't think much of me so that I can decide if whatever it is about myself is worthy of explanation or if i just need to keep it moving...

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, St.Louis, Financial / Banking

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If you have a problem with me, be mature enough to say it to my face than behind my back.

- Response by elizabethmom05, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Retail

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I'd rather them be rude to my face so I know them for what they are.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I have no problem with what someone says behind my back, as long as they have ballzz to say the same to my face. When it comes to this, to me its much more important WHO is saying it than WHAT is being said.

- Response by mihaelalv, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Las Vegas, Consulting

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It really depends on whether they were being rude because they are just assholes or because I said/did something to them in return and if that happened, I would want them to tell me to my face...I neither talk about people behind their back or get up in their face but try to calmly and collectedly try to let them know when they are being rude or offending me because I think that the only way to learn certain things is to be told when/if you are doing them...and I hope that people would be just as courteous to me when/if I were being rude or offensive to them...:)

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Rude to my face.
If I was a bitch to them, they can tell me. Not some random person who could probably care less.

- Response by OMG-ITS-TORI, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, Los Angeles, Fashion

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