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Active Questions

What is appropriate between co-workers of the opposite sex if one of them (or both) is taken?
Career / 8:52 AM - Sunday May 23, 2010

What is appropriate between co-workers of the opposite sex if one of them (or both) is taken?

Is it OK to have lunch together? Taking walks together? Commuting together? Having a drink or two? Talking about personal stuff and flirting a little? Suggestive jokes? Bonding and becoming close friends? Assuming that all these things involve just the two of them and not other co-workers. Where do you draw the line?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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At the clothes line. As long as no sex is occurring it should not be a huge deal.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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After 'lunch', everything is a no-go in my book.

- Response by stillagoodguy1, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Political / Government

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Community Rating: Community Star

Do you love your spouse and how would you feel if they did all of these things with someone other than you? Thats your "line". While most of these things can be done in a group with no hurt feelings, with just the 2 of you, it most likely will lead to your divorce. I mean really... What you describe sounds like dating your SO without the sex.

- Response by rayannem86, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Hospitality

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you draw the line at the motel room door.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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as a adult make the line where ever u want it to be

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Hot sex at a local motel for lunch.

- Response by shanegalang, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Transportation

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I forgot my pencil... Gimme something to write on.

I wanna draw lines, too... It just don't seem fair!

I draw lines through rules, that don't apply to me!

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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As long as each of these "friends" S/Os know what is going on, none of it is a problem.

- Response by zibet58, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Teaching

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Would you both be perfectly comfortable meeting each other's spouses/significant others? If not, you have already crossed the line.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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Unless you are in an open-relationship with your signifficant others nothing you mentioned is appropriate.
Taking walks!!! Flirting!!! Suggestive anything!!!
Honey, you two ARE already at least dating and are on a road to a lot of trouble. If your spouse was doing the same with his co-worker where do you think the line should be drawn?

- Response by mihaelalv, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Las Vegas, Consulting

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It could be OK to have a work-related lunch -- but having a drink, or flirting is just wrong.

The best idea is probably to keep things professional and at the office.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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If my husband had lunch with a female co-worker I would fine with that as long as it was just lunch and not a three hour lunch.

Flirting, walks, drink or two, suggestive jokes, bonding, etc. No way in hell would I be ok with that nor would my husband be ok if I did something like that.

What you just suggestive above is the first steps to cheating.

- Response by curious_cat67, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55

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My B/F has many women friends including ex's. I have meet them all but one, and I only drew the line once when she refused to meet me or let me meet her husband. I treat him the way I want to be treated. I would never put myself in a situation like this and I demand the same respect from him. Because this other women had issues of us meeting, he is no longer friends with her becasue it is dis-respectful to both of us. He doesnt flirt with other women and I do not flirt with other men. Now we both will take compliments which is not flirting but then we draw the line. If people cannot respect each others significant others then it stops there! I have had lunch with men and he has had lunch with women. He has even gone out after work with a couple of his women friends for drinks. I was invited to go but couldnt. But because we love and trust each other I didnt have anything to worry about. He was more uncomfortable being there without me then I was with him going. Turst and communication is the biggest key to any relationship.

- Response by sh0114, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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I don't think there is anything wrong with it if it stays at a friendship/professional level. BE CAREFUL though, because sometimes when we get to know someone and it becomes emotionally involved--feelings for eachother develope--in that case it crosses the line and is cheating whether sex is involved or not. Sometimes it's just better to avoid these much drama and problems can come out of it.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Denver, Medical / Dental

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It requires more self-control, or else things can go much further than desired.

- Response by int24h, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Alternative Medicine

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A platonic lunch is fine.

Commuting? Sure

Drinks? NO.

Personal stuff? Depends

Flirting? NO. NO. NO. NO.

Suggestive jokes? A joke or two's OK but don't make it a habit.

Bonding and becoming close friends? Perhaps.

All and all I'd just make sure my husband or SO knows about my new friend and any plans I have with him.

- Response by TheSshhmoe, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Student

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I think the better question is, "Would you do these things with your girlfriends at work?" You probably would. Both my husband and I have work friendships with those of the opposite sex. It is not a huge deal. And many people flirt and think nothing of it so if you are both flirts with everyone, then that is no big deal as well.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Other Profession

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you shouldnt be flirting with someone else's man! that is not right. Drinks get out of control and then trouble starts.
I dont understand why you had to add the flirting and suggestive jokes? That is way out of line. how would you like to be married and find out your husband is doing all that with some woman he works with and NO other co-workers are allowed. pfttt find your own man and leave married and taken men alone.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 46-55

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If neither of you were already involved in a relationship, it might be a different story, but both of you are already in relationships so you are going into dangerous territory hanging out and flirting with the opposite sex. Nothing ever stays quite so innocent as we'd like it to.

- Response by bjm524, Female, 66 or older, Other Profession

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