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How do you end a 10 year relationship?
Dating / 12:16 AM - Wednesday May 19, 2010

How do you end a 10 year relationship?

I want to break up with my boyfriend. We live together and have been doing so for the past 7 years, been together for 10 in total.
I love the time we spend together he still makes me laugh more than anyone but over this past decade our lives have just gone down different paths. I have become more outgoing and confident and he would rather not go out. I almost see him as more of a flatmate than a boyfriend now because I end up doing so much on my own. My feelings for him have become platonic. That is what makes it so much harder, he hasn't actually done anything wrong.
He is going to be devastated and I can't stand the thought of breaking his heart. Every time I open my mouth to say it he smiles me or tells me he loves me and I chicken out.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Are you really sure ending it is the right thing to do? Have you communicated any of this to your boyfriend before now? Communication is very important. Perhaps you should try that with him and maybe see if you can revitalize your relationship before just ending it. Sometimes when a man feels comfortable with a woman and his life he tends to fall into a relaxing mode and it sounds like the case with your boyfriend.

Just be sure ending the relationship is really what you want. Because once you break this man's heart there is no going back.

- Response by mrsy1, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Right now you are living a lie. You are being very unkind to him by not telling him how you feel. You are robbing him of precious years of his life, that he could be finding a person who WOULD love him.

Tell him now, regardless of how much it hurts him. The alternative is just not acceptable.

Would you want HIM to tell YOU, if he felt this way?

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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Make no excuse tell him the plain truth, during these 10 years you have more experience, you have other interest, you just dont have that spark anymore in your relationship and you don't love him anymore as a boyfriend.

Actually it will happen anyway sooner or later if he still loves you, you will break his heart, right now you have decided to breakup with him now is the time, dont lose more of your time and his time. Get the courage and when the time comes take a deep breath and say it, now you got to be completely sure you wont back down if he tells you to reconsider, if you give him another chance and do it again it will be worse.

Be sure of what you want to do.

- Response by vitamin, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Mexico City, Financial / Banking

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Just tell him....Trust me he'll get over it

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Once feelings have become platonic I think you're on a slippery slope.

I think you've just grown apart.

What you seem to be saying, is that you love him as you would a good friend but are not in love with him, and this is why you're finding it so difficult to tell him.

He will be upset but you do have to tell him how you're feeling, you know you do. You must've been at most, 18 when you met him and there's a world of difference between then and no at 28, so its not very surprising that your feelings have changed. At 18 you didn't understand what being in love with someone meant as you probably didn't know yourself very well to be able to know your own mind.

If there is no passion in your relationship your boyfriend may be sensing something's not right anyway, people can usually tell when something is not quite as it should be.

- Response by heatherjune123, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, London, Who Cares?

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I'm with mrsy1. Why does this HAVE to lead to a break-up? Why don't you just tell him the things you just told us? A spark can be rekindled, y'know. If that's all you're lacking. But if you're a goer-outer and he's a stayer-inner, then you're both going to have to give a little. He goes out more, you stay in more. Find the balance. The fact that you're having such a hard time tells me you don't really want this to be over. You just want someone who will spend more time with you. So tell him that!! If he's the decent guy you've made him seem, he'll want you to be happy. Let him know how he can do it in concrete terms. Men like concrete.

- Response by blazinggoddess, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Phoenix, Financial / Banking

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i know it going to be hard to tell him that you want break with him but you have tell him how you feel cause you never know he might feel the same way and he just dont know how to tell you. you were young with yall got togother and now that you are grown you have change and he has not change. now you want to explore world in a different way.

- Response by hotbabygurl23, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You are asking a tattoo artist if it hurts to get a tattoo. Yes you are going to break his heart, that's how you end it. There isn't a magic way that you end a 10 yr relationship without hurting your partner. Although the sooner the better. Less time equals less pain, usually. I wish you the best in life and to your new chapter:))

- Response by Female, 36-45, Dallas

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