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Would a guy call & text if constantly if he only wants to be friends?
Dating / 6:01 AM - Thursday May 13, 2010

Would a guy call & text if constantly if he only wants to be friends?

Hi, I have a problem with a 'friend' of mine. We are both 24, college educated. We have been friends since we were 15, in July 2008 things began to get very intense. When I say intense I mean we had more contact, we have never kissed or had sex. We text every day, I usually get around 50 texts from him a day and at least one phone call. Phone calls last anywhere from 45mins to 5 hours. It seems like he is the one pursuing me. We don't live near each other, infact we live about a 5 hour drive. But we have been away together (alone) three times. We have been away several time with other friends. The first time I was so nervous, I was convinced he was going to make a move...it didn't happen. The second time I was even more convinced, I had just come back from work and took a red eye flight to meet him. It was weird. We ordered breakfast, we went to movies. He kept smiling at me. This last time he order a bottle of Dom Perinong, during dinner, he hugged me a few times during the weekend but never went any further than this. I feel loved and happy when I'm with him, but i can't figure out if he wants me or we are just good friends. I don't think this is a 'normal' friendship. Does he like me or is he gay? What do you think?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Also, people grow in different ways, their lives go in different directions, I think there's every chance he is thinking seriously about you. 9 years of knowing someone may seem a long time, but when you are thinking of sharing your life, things should take time, for some, longer than others. He now lives 5 hours away from you and so he can't just come over as often as he might now be wanting to, so he checks in with you every day for hours at the time! Yes, he IS pursuing you!

Just remember, I like hats, they suit me! :)

- Response by heatherjune123, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, London, Who Cares?

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Sounds like a honest, respectful guy to me who definitely has feelings for you.

- Response by msgg, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Managerial

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And to think, the Dom "Perinong" went sour over this. We may never drink champagne again.

- Response by A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45

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I think he's just a gentleman who likes and respects you. That's the best way to start out a "relationship" anyway. Friends first ... can make for a much deeper bond!

I would be happy you found someone like that! Not every guy is just interested in "making a move" on you all the time.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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Its bizzare that he never made a move all these years. You got to figure out what he really wants otherwise if you can face anything then go for the move yourself. If you love him say it to him that you are falling, you might get lucky to get a positive reply but think of the other side too...if he turns you down and says he only wants a very good friend in you, be ready for it! Not sure about gay but hey, these modern days you cant decipher whos out there lol. Nine years is a bit long to be together not knowing each others motive. He might get the signals from you but I am clueless what is stopping him.

- Response by asianlovely13, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, London, Managerial

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Whatever the cause, he is vastly emotionally unavailable to you.

There's no reason not to remain friends, but if you're looking for a boyfriend, I'd say you'd better look elsewhere.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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He's just needy. He may not have any other friends. I went thorugh this with a guy a few years ago. It's not worth the emotional drain it puts on you. Back away.

- Response by waitinggirl22, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles

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What's the rush? You've waited this long right? He's being respectful and waiting for the perfect moment. Not some ham handed meeting in the dark some night.

You need to solve this 5 hours away thing. That's the killer. I prefer 20 to 30 minutes away myself.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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I absolutely agree with mrscleaver. Because sadly its become the 'norm' for a guy to make a move very quickly, we think its not normal for someone to want to get to know us gradually so feelings have a chance to develop!

People seem to think friendship isn't so important, they say ''we're just friends'', or ''does he only want friendship?'' They 'forget' that, without a solid and beautiful friendship, you have nothing, nothing at all!

- Response by heatherjune123, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, London, Who Cares?

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