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Active Questions

A married man is interested in me, but we will not act on our feelings. what do i do?
Married Life / 6:26 PM - Wednesday May 12, 2010

a married man is interested in me, but we will not act on our feelings. what do i do?

i know its not right , but a friendship with a married man has come into the light as being a possible romance. His wife has cheated on him and they did separate for a while. They got back together but he tells everyone that he wasn't happy that he did. We are staying friends because we respect each other and if it be that he does leave his wife we will start something romantically. But am I wasting my time. He says he does a lot of thinking and hes not sure what to do.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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What part of "I know it's not right" confuses you?

- Response by phillisn, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

If you had a beautiful dress you wanted to wear but needed to maintain your weight till you wore it, would you eat a pound of chocolate an ounce at a time?
Why would you even keep chocolate around?

- Response by djanesmiles2, Female, 56-65, Milwaukee, Other Profession

Rating Received:

Do nothing. Leave this man alone. Just stay away from him period. Nothing good will come of it if you get involved with him.

- Response by mrsy1, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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go with your heart

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Sound to me he wants the best of both worlds. If he felt so strongly about his wife cheating and getting back to her, he would divorce her and move on with his life. My ex husband had an affair when I was totally unaware that our marriage had any problems. I met his lover and the stories he told her was so far from the truth, for example that we are busy getting divorced, and in the mean time, we still had a lovely relationship and sexlife and never even spoke about divorcing! I will never believe what a married man tell you. Mostly, they just make up stories to get what they want. Don't waste your time if he's not actually divorcing his wife!

- Response by A Creative, Female, 36-45, Cape Town, Self-Employed

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It doesn't matter what he tells you, he is a married man. It also doesn't matter that his wife cheated on him, it still doesn't concern you. Look unless and until he gets divorced--STAY THE HECK AWAY!!!!

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Denver, Medical / Dental

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You are being played. My husband did the same thing to his "friend". He is betraying his wife by leading you on. And you respect him? My husband told his "friend" that I wanted a divorce and did not treat him well. At the time he was still the love of my life. I had no idea that he was looking around. We weren't fighting, we were still having sex about 3 times a week, and making future plans. When I found out and did ask him about divorce, he was very emphatic about not wanting one. He wants to grow old with me. He totally denies any relationship with the woman and always spoke badly of her. You are wasting your time with him. Have you ever talked to his wife? How do you know that she cheated on him? When I found out what my husband was telling this woman and she found out that he was lying to her also, it was a release for both of us. You sound like you know that the best decision is to put space between you and this "friend".

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65

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As long as "he's not sure what to do?" As long as he KNOWS you're right there, waiting, waiting, waiting? He's never gonna leave her.

So yeah, you're wasting your time.

You need to tell him you're moving on in *set amount* of weeks/days if he's still "not sure what to do."

Frankly you shouldn't DATE HIM UNTIL you see the COURT DATE for the DIVORCE Proceedings. That way you KNOW he's serious and not just using you to make his wife jealous or something.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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You already know it's not right. You said so.

Stay away from this man until he's free.

- Response by buffalothighs88, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Other Profession

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It is not right. Some will probably get hurt and it could be you. I wouldnt label myself that way.

- Response by jimmymichael01, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Executive

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Remove yourselves from each others presence. You are both playing with fire. Even if he's unhappy in his marriage it is highly unlikely he'll stay with you long term if they split. Let him do it the right way- try to save the marriage..if it can't be saved, trial separation..then divorce. THEN only after the paperwork is signed maybe you can entertain getting together.

But, more than likely even after all that, he'll have moved on and want to date others. He's just hurting and unhappy right now.

- Response by annandfam, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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Imagine this man as your husband & he was in the same situation with another woman. If he acted on his feelings & desires & you found out. Would you be doing backflips? This is the worst place to be for anybody regardless of if you are alone, lonely & single. Don't come between Him & his wife. Whether you think you are or not, you are because he either has feelings for you or he just wants to get you in bed. Bad idea!

- Response by syncaset, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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