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Active Questions

Im a black woman and I want to date a white man, but Im nervous....
Dating, Race, Religion & Politics / 2:43 PM - Wednesday May 05, 2010

Im a black woman and I want to date a white man, but Im nervous....

Please no racist comments... I live in a new area that is predominantly white. I've run into many men that I am definitely attracted to but I guess I am so hung up on the race thing and scared of rejection I have no idea how to act around them. I guess my question is how can I show that Im open to dating outside my race and how can I tell if they are open to it??? It shouldnt be this weird but I just dont want to look like an idiot for trying to flirt with a guy who isnt open.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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You approach white men the same way you would approach someone of your own race. Keep in mind that we are more weight conscious, not at all assuming that you are heavy, I am just saying.

- Response by int24h, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Alternative Medicine

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Just ask, "Have you ever dated a black woman?"

If his answer sounds negative in some way, you can always play the 'friend card' and say, "I was just asking, because a friend of mine is coming to visit, and was asking if I thought there were any white guys that would go on a date with her while she was here."
This could also help determine, not only if he would date a black woman, but if he is attracted to you as well.

- Response by andrewj5267, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Miami, Teaching

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Guys are remarkably alike, white or black and the racial barriers I grew up with are largely gone, thankfully. I would bet that you will know very quickly whether or not someone is interested in you and what guys to pursue and vice versa so go for it.

- Response by sexytony617, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Boston, Consulting

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Pretend he's black. Do what you'd do if he were a BLACK guy you were interested in.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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First, simply talking to and sharing interests with someone is one indicator of interest to date. Flirting with them is a bold indicator to dating. Us guys can be a little dense or slow sometimes so you'll have to be a little bold. Maybe even to the point of you asking him out. Just be yourself and smile. Most guys will welcome a girl approaching them. If he turns you down, most likely because he already has a girlfriend. Wouldn't you want to know that sooner than later and note waste all time and effort on a guy who is not available? Be bold, be yourself, go talk to him and ask him just like you would some other black man. Good luck.

- Response by cosmicdog0, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Denver, Science / Engineering

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Relax and be yourself..... If he's "open" and he likes what he sees, he'll take the bait soon enough.
I dated a woman of "black derivation" several times. What attracted me was how well spoken and intelligent she presented herself. Apparently that was a sham. She was like that around me and at school/work. On the fourth or fifth date, we met up with a bunch of her friends and she became someone TOTALLY different. I didn't find that side of her the least bit attractive.
I can't stress enough, be who you are and don't be "the facade" you think they want to see.

- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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Color is a judgement in my opinion....a stereotype. I have dated men of both races and fell for the men that they are. I see past the color and see them for them and that is what makes it work. I often get reminded when we are in public the racism of people who stare. I love my man, his blackness, his personality, the way he loves Hell what everyone else thinks...he makes me fell great. If you can find that in a white man so be it...enjoy it honey!

- Response by beckynerl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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just be your self and maybe see if he's like to go for a bike ride with you, or out to lunch, and if he says yes then he's probably interested.
none of us like rejection, but even if he says no thanks, it doesn't mean it has anything to do with our colors, you know?
I would go for it or you'll never know.
good luck and don't worry :)

- Response by allie112, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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You say "hey baby, do you like chocolate?" and then wink

...kiddin, never do that

If there's a white guy I find attractive I just flirt with him like I would with a black guy. If he's receptive then I've got my answer as to whether or not he finds me attractive/possibly open to interacial dating and we go from there...being relaxed, feminine and confident works with men of all colors

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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What area? You are exactly what I have been looking for.

- Response by shanegalang, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Transportation

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just talk to them they will hit on u if they are interested

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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I think race should not be an issue and if you are feeling weird about it, it would come out in a relationship. I would try hanging out with men from different races on a friendship basis until you feel more comfortable and who knows something could develop- it always happens when you least expect it but don't put pressure on it, it will just make things awkward

- Response by newlife72, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Philadelphia, Who Cares?

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just be yourself, talk to them - if they are friendly back then they will be open to you,. If they are polite but brush you off then they are not. - ask them what sort of people have they dated and see if they have dated nuts, bitches or dirt bags or and angel. how they describe old romances is a good tip to stay or go!! good luck

- Response by ruffian, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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Hi! Okay so I'm also African American and very open to White guys. My experience has been that it does take a bit more nudging white guys to let them know it's a green light. Personally, I don't "make advances" on ANY man- no matter what. But White guys tend to need to know that you are open to them, if that means smiling a bit longer, making cutesy eye contact, etc. Don't be too direct. Also, keep in mind that it really depends on the guy and his background. Not be be stereotypical, but certain guys are more (culturally) open than others, i.e. slavic men tend not to be too into Black women (and the rare times that they are it isn't for a relationship, if you know what I mean). Ditto for Turks. Young Southern/Midwestern guys are a mixed bag- many are very curious. But of those, many are only looking for sex and not relationships. Generally, guys from California are not into Black women- unless we have the Kerry Washington/Tyra Banks look. New Englanders are generally not interested, but it's not an entirely lost cause. Maybe it's because I'm from Miami, but lots of Jewish guys are open to Black women, as are Canadians, Brits, and the French. Again, this is just based on my personal experiences.

Talk to him, to get a feel for his background and proceed with caution. In my experience, guys who bring up the race thing early on are the ones looking for a "walk on the wild side"...let them go. You don't want that. If the two of you can have conversation without race being addressed up front, he may be a potential.

Lastly, if you feel insecure about it- think about why that is. If you have gone to school or have been socialized around White people, it shouldn't be a big deal and you likely will have the same interests and shared experiences. If you are mostly surrounded by other Black people, he may simply not have anything to relate to you about. If that is the case, perhaps consider broadening your social experiences to help alleviate the awkwardness. And don't go in with any preconceived notions, just as you would expect that he not.

Hope this helps! Feel free to private message me!

- Response by kamilah, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Houston, Political / Government

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Just be yourself and act as you normally would around a man you are interested in. These white guys are people, not another species, and I'm sure some of them would be willing to date you.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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I can't speak for others, but I am with a black woman, and I'm white. But to me, hot is hot, regardless of race. I think most men feel the same way, but I suppose it depends on the area you live in.

On the other hand, I think all racial preferences are bogus...and I mean that whether you are crossing over or staying with "your own kind." It sounds like you are going for the white guys because they predominate in your area, so I guess that's fine then. But don't rule out anyone else.

Why don't you put up a personal ad and express your preference. Then you will avoid the humiliation of rejection. Or go to a local place where singles congregate and see if you strike up a conversation. You should probably go with a friend.

- Response by tomtomcat, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, New York, Teaching

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I know you said nothing racist, but what about humor? Look, we don't bite, well most of us don't. Most of us are just normal dudes. Go in fearless and start talking, it's a safe bet if they don't talk due to skin color, they are not worth the time. Good luck!

- Response by strongbow, A Jock, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You approach the situation in the same way you would approach it if the guy was White, Hispanic, French, whatever...just because you might be of two different 'colors' doesn't mean that it is any different when it comes to dating...if you like the guy, ask him out for coffee or something and see if he's never know until you actually do it, and you might actually find that you love it...:)

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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I am over 50 and wasted my life only looking at the pretty ladies of color and was afraid to ask..until 5 yrs ago and now I see a few black ladies thanks to one that had enough courage to reach out to me..she is my best lover ever..and a lady that knew what she wanted and said helped me..just talk to the guys you are interested in and a little flirting will bring a response..
it better to be rejected than to wast a lifetime wanting to love someone... wish I were enjoy my new friend..

- Response by jamesh555, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65

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