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Would you return a call if they didn't leave a message?
Dating / 2:42 PM - Saturday April 17, 2010

Would you return a call if they didn't leave a message?

I find it annoying when people call you and expect you to call them back, but they don't leave a message. Do you agree? I find that a few guys I know (guys that like me), will call me back after I have called them and left a message. But when they call back, and I happen to miss their call b/c I'm busy, they don't leave a message. They even do this when we're making plans for a get-together or date. I find it kind of weird that they don't leave a message. But they would find it rude if I didn't call them back. I don't go through my phone log of missed calls, but I do go through my voice messages to call people back. And even better, my phone plays a reminder voicemail ring tone, which alerts me to call someone if I missed their call and they left a voicemail. If the person doesn't leave a message, I don't get the alert and I may never even notice the missed call. I figure, if I'm courteous enough to cal and leave a message, why can't other people do the same? Do you think it's normal to not leave a voicemail, but expect a call back? Thoughts?

- Asked by A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35

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The new etiquette because the phone will tell you that you missed a call is to call people back from your missed call log...

- Response by siouxzen, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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I sometimes call back people I know that I see called and didn't leave a message ... that is, if I check my missed calls. It all depends if I really want to talk to them or not.

You certainly don't need to feel obligated to call back someone who doesn't leave a message. I would think if they didn't leave a message, they didn't really need to talk to you that badly and can call back if they want to.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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This is a new trend because most people know that you have to see your missed calls. Also with so many people cheating nowadays, or just dating multiple people they don't want to get you in trouble. It has become more of a norm to not leave a message.

- Response by jaygfla, A Creative, Male, 29-35, Managerial

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It's in a man's nature not to leave messages if there isn't a direct cause. They'll wait for you to call back. You'd think if it was an occasion that you're planning, they would, but too often that is not the case; they'll wait for you to call back.

If it's not of an urgent nature, I don't leave messages, either. Men are just by nature sloppier with phone messages.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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Call me backward, but I never leave a message, unless it's something urgent. But then, I also don't expect a call back. Plus, not everybody has caller ID (at least not where I live), so you can't just assume you'll be called back.

Why I don't leave a message: I prefer to talk to the person personally, especially if I don't actually need to communicate urgent info, but jsut want to chat and catch up. Why would I leave a message then? i'll jsut call again next time and hope the other person can answer.

As for calling back etc. in terms of dating, I think leaving messages is bad for dating, really. It jsut makes you available all the time (ok, the robot in your stead). Have a guy/gal call and talk in person, messages suck (because most people get offended if they're not called back asap and I might just not have the time or the mood to talk).

Please ban the answering machines! If it's urgent, they'll call back.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Student

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I've noticed this too. It's a generational thing. It seems like people a little bit older than me will call you back if you didn't leave a message, and expect the same back.

For my age group, you should only return a call if they left a message. Otherwise it's seen as kind of stalker and weird...

The age group younger than mine - guys will usually just send a text message.

- Response by misshannah911, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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I agree 100% i don't call people back if they don't leave a message. But the reason they might not leave a message is that they probably know that u don't like it & that u won't call them back,so they call u & when talk 2 them they can say that they called u but u never called them back so then it's ur fault that u guys did't talk or get 2gether!!!!!!

- Response by tbc1019, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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First, let me give you "KUDOS", Trendsetter for NOT giving high ratings to the responses. Yes, people are just giving their opinion.

Courteousness is hard to find these days & the whole "VOICE MAIL" thing can be a PITA!

Because I am curious by nature & also, I want to know just who IS calling me, many of which have no business in calling or are wrong numbers, I DO take the time to look at CID's, even when NO message is left & ESPECIALLY IF NO MESSAGE IS LEFT! I have gotten so many "telemarketing calls" & calls that I HAVE NOT OKAYED "WHEN RESEARCHING SOMETHING ON LINE, that I AGAIN POSTED ON "DO NOT CALL LIST". (It is now supposed to be "FOREVER" as of 1-2 years ago. So, if one hasn't REDONE THAT LIST, I would suggest that one does.


I almost always RETURN CALLS THAT ARE "WRONG NUMBERS" BUT IT SEEMS THAT THE PARTY MAY NOT REALIZE THAT THEIR MESSAGE DID NOT GET TO THE RIGHT PERSON". I would hope that someone would do that for me. (Can't say that I have had that happen.) It is a courteous & helpful thing to do. (IF some of you don't think that you have the time for that, then "create your own etiquette, which is selfish & shows you don't have time for other people or give a rat's a$$.)

I SO agree with you, Trendsetter. It is QUITE ANNOYING when people call you, don't leave a message & later when you say that "I haven't heard from you in a while...", & they say, "Well, I've called you several times!". Argh!

Amen to you, "If you are courteous enough to call & leave a message why can't other people do the same?". But you can see why in the responses that you got. Too many people are so "self-absorbed" that it doesn't matter that you are a caring, courteous person. They are not.

We all pay for our phones & it is our RIGHT to do whatever we want... answer, not answer, leave a message, not leave a message, whatever, but that doesn't mean that it isn't annoying or discourteous to another.

I'd say to TELL YOUR FRIENDS, BOTH MALE & FEMALE WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE FOR THEM TO DO.... but I would also caution you, as I have lost friends doing similar things. They may make fun of you for being a considerate person & expecting the same, but then are they worth your time if they don't care about your needs. They should at least be willing to discuss it with you.

There certainly are times when leaving a message "may" not be indicated, but for ME, & it sounds like for YOU, that those times are few & far between??

As for the male thing. If I was a male, I would take offense to the messages posted. lol But on the other hand, a lot of males are "like that", as are a lot of females.

I met some folks who told me that they almost never read their emails OR check their voice mail. If you want to reach them, then you WILL HAVE TO LEAVE A TEXT MESSAGE. (Some truly are very busy, popular people.) So I GOT TEXTING ADDED TO MY PLAN... & LMAO, I STILL DIDN'T HEAR BACK FROM THEM!!! (Not until I called them on it!) At the time, I didn't have text messaging AND most of my calls I make from my home phone, so cannot leave a text.

(I used to HATE texts, but I now see a reason for them, as most phone calls end up very long, when all one needed to say was something simple, like, "I am running 15 minutes late"... or "I can't make it."... or "I am so busy, no time to talk, but wanted you to know that I was thinking about you. Will call when I have some free time.", etc.

And these days of "LEAVE A VOICE MESSAGE", I HATE! Because I call when I CAN talk & I may have several important calls to make during that same time period & I either have to wait for a return call, (which often doesn't come for a day or more, grrrrrr) or I make another call & they "blip" in & I miss their call, because IF THE OTHER PERSON TAKES THE TIME TO TALK WITH ME, I think it is DISCOURTEOUS TO ASK THEM TO BE PUT ON HOLD FOR THE 1ST CALL THAT DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR ME! (Of course, there are exceptions, especially when it comes to business, but it is still annoying as many are SET UP FOR THAT, never intending to answer a call when it comes in!

So, I don't know you, but this is one of my triggers & I wanted to share with you. Excuse the next comment, but "Screw the "NEW" etiquette" & whoever posted that, show me the reference for that!

Trendsetter, ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED, knowing that others may not agree, but at least they know how you feel. Ask for what they need, too.

- Response by drdintn, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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