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Will a guy initiate contact more if a girl does not?
Dating / 1:36 PM - Saturday April 17, 2010

Will a guy initiate contact more if a girl does not?

I have decided to back down to initiating contact with a guy that im dating. He does call or text, but I always have to ask to meet him. He does meet but cant always as he is very busy with personal family things. Is this the right thing to do?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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"Busy with very personal family things" is code for he's just not that into you. Either that, or he's secretly married or dating someone else. Guys go for what they want, and if he isn't going for you, it's his way of showing you he's only lukewarm about you - if even that. Good luck to you, but I'd move on. You'll never have security as long as you're seeing this guy because as long as you're initiating the contact, you can never be sure if he's as into the relationship as you are. Stop contacting him and find someone else.

- Response by bellajayde1, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, San Jose, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

I would back down too. If he really wants to see you, he'll call. You certainly don't want to have to call him all the time.

He could have another girlfriend or maybe he's just not good about calling. Let him make the next move.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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There is nothing wrong with initiating any form of communication or dates with a guy. However, the guy MUST exhibit that he is interested enough to do the same. There are many people that are busy and have personal things they are doing, that can still maintain a healthy relationship where they can initiate calling, go out on dates, and develop the relationship. He has to be interested enough to plan if he's busy. I cannot maintain interest in a guy that is not willing to make the necessary sacrifices that I make to develop a relationship. Usually, when you have a guy that gives this type of excuse, they are really seeing other women too. They just have to fit you in, and if you're the one that's initiating, that's even better. Now, they really don't have to think about you. But, I guarantee those other women that they are truly interested in more, probably aren't the ones initiating everything.

Shyness is no excuse either. If a man is interested in you, and you've shown that you're interested, there is no reason to continue allowing shyness to keep you from initiating anything. Adults should know what's needed to continue developing a relationship and maintain interest, and definitely should know that no one is going to want to do all of the work in keeping things going. And, to be honest, I've never met a man or woman that was truly interested in another person, who didn't make damn sure that person knew it. Because, they knew if they didn't someone else certainly would. Seriously, this type of thing doesn't mean they have no interest at all. But, it could be an indication that they simply aren't interested "enough." I'd allow this man to show me he's interested, while I continue to leave my options open. If he didn't initiate anything and we drifted, so be it. I'm a grown woman, not a teenager with a crush. There is no way I'm going to run after some guy that doesn't know the needs of the woman he's "supposedly" interested in. If you're truly interested you should be learning something about the woman you're dating. And, not showing them any attention or response unless they seek it, just isn't cool.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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some guys just don't know how to plan, that don't mean anything I know I'm one of them

- Response by tytbo, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Indianapolis, Who Cares?

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The girls that I date that I like a lot never have to initiate anything. Unless he is a super-shy person he probably isn't really into you, or he has a girlfriend.

- Response by jaygfla, A Creative, Male, 29-35, Managerial

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Yes back down and see what happensGet busy too,with your favourite things ,things and friends you really love.Dont sit waiting for him.If he wants to see you he will ask you.
See other men too,it will do you good.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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