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Active Questions

Why are men afraid to have children?
Married Life / 2:47 PM - Thursday April 15, 2010

why are men afraid to have children?

Not all, but most, including myself. Please elaborate.

- Asked by thecorrectanswer, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Toronto

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My guess is because children become your anchor. You're no longer free to be ultimately selfish and carefree... spending as you'd like, traveling as you'd like, doing anything on a whim. Even men who are financially secure have to adjust their profiles when a child comes along (new things to think about and plan for). Couple that with the knowledge that you will be responsible for the health and welfare of a HUMAN LIFE and yeah, many hesitate because of that immense responsibility and grounding force.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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i think it's just because the guy isn't ready for commintment, or it's the fact that he is going to be a parent which means he will need to "grow up". Most guys (not all) i know aren't ready to be responsible. my opinion =)

- Response by thatgirl86, A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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You're a man, you tell us why you hesitate.

- Response by rexy67, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I think because it is scary shit to have kids and it is the biggest commitment in life. also since women are usually the nurturers, they have more desire to go down that path. men don't have that pull, so they are more scared. but I think everyone is scared

- Response by fondacox, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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It's normal to be a bit scared ... women are too at first sometimes. But if you know you're having a child with the right partner, can afford to support a child financially and emotionally .. it makes a big difference.

When it's the right time for you to have a child, you'll feel differently. But, if you're too scared .. don't have one. Better to wait until you're more sure it's the right thing for you.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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Real simple. We are lazy.

Why don't we pick our laundry up or put the toilet seat down? Because we are lazy. We know how much work a kid is so you better suprise us with one becase we are rarely ever gonna get all excited about alot more work at home. Y'know we go to work all day and more work at home. (Yes ladies I hear ya, please don't message me about this).

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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There's an old saying in the sport of fishing that goes, "frightened fish can't be caught." The same is also true with men who are afraid to have children. But when it comes to spooked bachelors, the blame should be equally shared. Sometimes it's the man who don't want to have kids. Other times it's the woman who inadvertently repels.

I think the thought of producing a small, fragile creature which will be dependant upon them for their every need, want and desire for, in the worst case, their entire lives just makes them panic.

Bottom line: Some men (and women) are scared that they aren't capable of taking on and dealing with the responsibilities involved in having kids.

- Response by sugarlump, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I think it's because of the responsibility babies/children bring about. Even if a relationship is bad, once you get a woman pregnant you feel forever responsible for caring for and protecting not only the baby but her as well. Then there is the sense of being obligated to care for another person for the entire rest of your life that is overwhelming. Don't feel bad, Mother's feel this way too, even if some aren't willing to admit to it. Parenthood is scary no matter how prepared you think you are for it.

- Response by houseworkmakesyaugly, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

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Simple. When you have a kid. You lose half of your life and double your duties.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 29-35

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Because men are full of self-esteem. They'll take beer over baby food any day!

- Response by thundermist04167, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Because kids are a pain in the ass! They're not cute nor sweet; they're annoying and require a lot of time and money to raise. I'd say the men who don't want kids are afraid after a baby comes, their sex life will greatly diminish and they won't be able to do what they want when they want.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?

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As a man I KNOW my choices and actions have an effect on the people around me, that's nothing new.
So being responsible for my decisions (As others suggest) has nothing to do with it.

As a man I have always had responsibilities outside of my life and have always had people depending on me. Probably always will. So having a new face that depends on me has nothing to do with it either.(Others suggest this too.)

I work all the time, with ever growing new tasks, someone always seems to need something. So being "lazy" or afraid of work. isn't the reason.

I am not nor have I ever been selfish, self-centered or self serving, I've always though of others and those around me in my "circle" of influence first, as a man I have the role of "protector" and that has been my duty sense adulthood. So selfishness has nothing to do with it.

I believe I am fully capable of raising and rearing a child into adulthood, hell I do that with adults as it is now.

All these answers about selfishness,fear of responsibility,laziness and other negative crap are all bull-sh*t plain and simple.

As a man I am more than capable of handling parenthood, my own track record proves that I could and FAR FAR more.

The simple truth is...

I just don't feel like it at the moment.

- Response by 1man4commonsense, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I wouldn't say that men were 'afraid' to have children, but I would say they hesitate to have children because once they do have children, it changes their entire life and the lifestyle they have...most people believe that when a woman has a child, her entire life changes and although that's true, for some men, the same holds true too...when a baby comes into a man's life, the man no longer has the freedom to do as much as he used to because his first priority is the well-being and welfare/care of the baby...a man who helps to support a baby now has to take into consideration the amount of money he has to put aside for the baby; he has to think about how much time he will spend with the baby; what expenses he's going to incur with the baby; whether he will have to travel to see the baby; and will have to work his schedule around times when he has the baby...some people think that the man only has to provide for a baby and that's it but for many men, they help with the childcare, the changing diapers, spending time with the baby, etc so a man can be just as affected as a I think that some men are hesitant in having children because they sometimes have to give up their 'freedom' (just as women do) and no longer have just themselves to think about when children come into the picture...just an observation I've made...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Stretch marks. Have you SEEN what those things do to a dude's waistline? Puh-LEEZE!

- Response by mmaguy, A Jock, Male, 29-35, New York, Civil Service

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Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!

- Response by rhettbuttler, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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Lack of a uterus.

- Response by beachinbeachboy, A Jock, Male, 46-55, Consulting

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wow, maybe it's different with guys your age, but every guy I'VE talked to wants to have lots of children (of course they do, they're not the ones that have to go through the trouble right). And then when I say I would never want any, they give me the "whats-wrong-with-you-a ren't-you-a-woman" look...

- Response by purplemango, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 18-21, Who Cares?

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Regardless of some of the typical female comments, it has little to do with maturity or not longer being able to be selfish, since women always accuse others, especially men of what they're guilty OF.

Men are afraid of them because we don't grow up thinking about kids our entire lives as girls generally do. To a man a child is akin to virtually having an alien life form that we know nothing about. Girls usually grow up looking to be around babies, holding other peoples kids, taking care of them, baby sitting, talking about it with their moms, other girls, reading about them and such. Where as guys usually don't give them a second thought and even when they're trying to have a kid, it's all something completely different and foreign to a man.

I liken it to asking a woman that is on a plane where all the pilots have suddenly died being asked to go up to take the controls, then land the plane in bad weather. Something totally alien to her and most people, but that kind of "holy shit, are you kidding me" kind of reaction, fear, expectation and responsibility is what guys often feel at the idea of having a child.

Women think that they're so mature because they want to get married and think about family from the time they're little girls and guys don't. That has NOTHING to do with maturity at all, but this is largely where they get the idea that women are more mature...big deal.

Women also cry at every little thing, need constant support, validation, reassurance, are afraid of everything, always come to men for help with so many things, act like little kids in their curiosities and desires etc. When men are boys, emotionally they're like a girl, needing hugs, love, affection, reassurance and are easily scared..once he his puberty, most of that starts to go away as he no longer acts as he did when he was a child.. this is rarely the case for girls in general who keep the same emotional state and bent their entire lives demonstrating once again that its' women who rarely ever mature. Women only mature faster than boys physically, hitting puberty these days at 10 and sooner at times, but mentally and emotionally they rarely grow up. Just because women desire to get married all the time doesn't equal maturity at all. They also divorce men more than 2 to 1 too. Just like a little girl, can't wait to just run away from their vows, commitments and responsibilities when it suits them.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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fear has nothing to do with it, kids just annoy the hell out of me

- Response by gilpill, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Internet / New Media

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...because most of us have a real hard time resisting the urge to cook and eat them....and c'mon, who wants to go to the 'Big House' for life, eh?

- Response by nameacarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Oostende, Self-Employed

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Men aren't afraid to have children, boys are. Real Men don't run from responsibility, they embrace it.

By running away from something that takes responsibility and maturity, you are declaring that you have neither.

- Response by A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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I just think it is a change of lifestyle and mental preparedness for some guys. As many of the other posters suggested, it is likely the fact that the guy has to go from doing things for himself and not really having accountability for any one or anything. But once that baby comes though, he has to become more accountable and be dependable in regards to where that baby is concerned. Because before in his mind he wasn't really influencing anyone and just being him. But as soon as the baby is there, he has to face the reality of what choices he makes affects someone else. And for most guys they don't really think about this when it comes down to just dating someone. As we can clearly see from the way most guys treat their gfs or wives. But when it is a kid, it is not someone you can just treat badly and not have some sort of direct accountability or easy escape from. And also the mental part comes in when they initially see the baby and realize that this situation is truly real. They have to stop playing around and realize someone is going to look up to them one day. And because of all of that, a lot of guys freak out and do get scared. But I think it is a natural reaction for both genders really. So you aren't alone by any means. Just best to make sure that if you truly don't want to have kids get that taken care of early on in life. And if you do want them make sure you are as prepared as you can be and at least agree with your partner on when you want to start trying early on too. Just to make sure you both are on the right page and not one person being unhappy about this or that not going like how they want it to.

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Columbus, Student

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