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Am I justified in feeling hurt and angry when my boyfriend criticizes my cooking?
Dating / 9:23 PM - Wednesday April 14, 2010

Am I justified in feeling hurt and angry when my boyfriend criticizes my cooking?

I am a chef student and cooking is important to me. I put a lot of care and effort into cooking things for my boyfriend that I think he will enjoy.

He is very picky and close-minded about food. He often looks disgusted or won't even try food I've put a lot of effort into. I don't want him to like everything I cook, I just want him to appreciate it. He wants me to continue cooking for him, but I feel hurt and angry at his reactions. I have told him my feelings and asked him to be honest, but less rude. He said he doesn't have to eat anything he doesn't like. I just want him to be APPRECIATIVE.

I have thought about not cooking for him anymore, but this is depriving me of something I love. I want to cook for the person I love and I want it to be appreciated.

I am worried that maybe I am just being too sensitive or maybe I am not justified in feeling this way, but it truly hurts me.

Update: April 14, 2010.
I do make an effort to cook things I think he will enjoy, but he stills finds fault. I feel like I can't make him happy or express my love through my cooking no matter how hard I try. This is important to me. I understand him not liking something, but I still want him to APPRECIATE it because I've put a lot into it and it means a lot to me.

Update: April 14, 2010.
I can take criticism from my instructors or employers. This isn't about critism, it is about expressing care and love, and being rejected. I welcome criticism. I just want the care I take to be appreciated. I realize there is a different between LIKING a meal and APPRECIATING it.

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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He is LUCKY that u cook for him, some of us woman have microwave as our best friend...
And yes ur right, he doesnt have to like it, but he can be some what appreciative, bout the fact that u took time to make him food, and that ur practicing with him rather than someone else...
Like: hey i dont like it, cuz i dont like mushrooms, but thanks for trying/makin this meal for me... idk something along those lines...
He needs to be supportive...
And they say customers are always right, but we all know that aint true lol, and he aint ur customer he is ur potential life mate... so consider your options and see what is best for u sweety... If it was customer tellin u someting is wrong wit ur food than u could re-evaluate what ur doin but thats a different story cuz everyone has different tastes... u just keep it up and graduate... make ur mama proud lol

Good Luck

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Seattle

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"I want to cook for the person I love and I want it to be appreciated."

Unfortunately, we can't always get what we want. You cannot FORCE him to appreciate your cooking. I agree, he could be less rude, but you can't FORCE him to be. Either continue cooking for the love of doing it and ignore his rudeness or stop cooking for him.


- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Community Rating: Community Star

This is kind of a tricky situation.

I can understand that you want to cook for the man you love, and that you want him to enjoy and appreciate your efforts. But the fact that you're studying to become a chef means two things: you will care more than usual about your meals being negatively critiqued, and you probably are cooking meals which are a bit outside of what your boyfriend is accustomed to eating.

In your words, you said "He is very picky and close-minded about food". So keep that in mind. This is who he is. So it doesn't mean that he's trying to hurt your feelings, although this is what's ultimately happening regardless.

The way I see it, you have two choices here. You can either continue to cook new and unusual meals for your picky and close-minded boyfriend and have your feelings hurt in the process. Or, you can cook the things he already enjoys for him, and try out your newer creations on someone else. :)

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Internet / New Media

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Sounds as if you speak different love languages. I also think he sounds insensitive, unsupportive, and self-centered. I seriously would re-think this relationship.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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great idea... only cook what he already likes. dont practice your real cooking skills on him. have a day once a week every other week where he has to fend for himself while you have friends over to practice on.

win/win. he gets what he likes to eat you get to cook for ppl who appreciate new things.

- Response by galdeen, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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I'm kinda thinking that if he doesn't appreciate your cooking then he probably doesn't or won't in the future appreciate other things that you do. Already you are starting to feel resentful and hurt. If talking to him doesn't change things, then maybe its time to seriously re-evaluate this relationship. Good luck.

- Response by dolphingirl44, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Veterinary

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You are justified. I do the same thing for my boyfriend, though I'm certainly not a chef student, and he criticizes my food. Have you told him that what he says hurts your feelings and makes you want to stop cooking for him?
It sounds like you can't cook for him and get him to appreciate what you're cooking even if it's not perfect/the way he wants it to be. I'd say stop cooking for him, and share your talents with those who appreciate them. He may miss your cooking after a while, he may not.
If you don't want to stop cooking for him, you can ask him to help you or cook the food the way he wants to. He can then see what you have to go through in making the food, and if he doesn't like the food when it's done, it's his own fault.
I hope this helps.

- Response by awne868, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Chicago, Student

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... just read this post to him and tell him how you feel and what you need... be very direct... good luck and I am sure you are cooking some good stuff... he is luckier than he realizes I can tell you... keep at it and just keep talking to him... good luck..

- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Managerial

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Real men don't eat quiche, or other gourmet food. Make HIGH QUALITY man food for him and he will love it. But don't try to feed him fancy gourmet dishes. A good chef knows her customers.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Yes you are justified, you say he looks disgusted, well that is extremely hurtful and unkind, I wouldn't cook for him at all anymore, as you quite rightly say, there's a big difference between liking and appreciation. If this is his attitude when you lovingly cook for him then surely this should be a pointer in your relationship? He seems to be taking you for granted as quite clearly he is not appreciative - we all like eating, its one of life's pleasures, he could at least show some enthusiasm and care for your feelings? Hmmm.. are you sure you want this to go anywhere?

- Response by heatherjune123, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, London, Who Cares?

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Cook for yourself and let him do the same.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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