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Active Questions

Do you think you could live in a separate house from your husband /wife and be happier?
Married Life / 11:30 AM - Wednesday April 14, 2010

do you think you could live in a separate house from your husband /wife and be happier?

we discussed this my husband says no.i say that if we had keys to each others houses and could come and go as we pleased,stay together as long as we wanted,and do things as a married couple just in separate homes,so when we felt like going and spending some time alone we could do that too i think i could.whats your opinion?

Update: April 14, 2010.
just for the record ive been married 24 years and yes we have lived together the whole time,for better or for worse.never left him or lived apart! just found this to be an interesting topic!

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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IMO that's the only way I would ever consider getting married! I personally need alot of "space" and alone time. But even if I didn't - it's a fact that familiarity breeds contempt. I don't care what anyone says - when you are in each others' faces constantly, you become annoying to each other. There is no mystery left, and that's when boredom sets in. I would never live with an S/O. This way you're actually excited to see each other when you get together.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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No, I wouldnt want to live in a seperate house from my hubby. what would be the point of being married then???

- Response by youngfuddyduddy, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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That's reverting back to dating. Why would you want to do that? Included in marriage is the ability to live together. You can't live apart and still expect to have the closeness. It's working backwards.

- Response by wudaddy, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Law Enforcement

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I think that is the only intelligent way to conduct a long term relationship, if finances are workable....

- Response by selectivegirlsdna, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Montreal, Managerial

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I am all for it. It's the reverse of shacking up.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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whats the point in being married if you dont live together, share space, cohabitat, share expenses etc?

if i wanted to date date....

how can you do things as a married couple if you live separate lives?

- Response by galdeen, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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I personally know many couples who have exclusvie committed relationships with each other but decide to maintain separate residences.

My oldest sister is in this category. Her and her honey have been together for more than fifteen years now. But she likes to sleep in her own bed each night and he likes to sleep in his own bed each night.

My situation is we split our time between our North house and our South house. Most nights we are together at one or the other house.

I don't think it really matters as long as it works for both people in the relationship.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Even better: Live in separate houses, lead separate lives, including sex. Then the only thing missing would be a divorce decree.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Financial / Banking

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That makes a lot of sense.

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Marriage in my opinion is when two people become one!!

- Response by hands, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Hong Kong, Who Cares?

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I understand where you are coming from and yes this would be nice...but what was the point in getting married if you didn't want to be together?

- Response by lasttrueromantic, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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good question, and yes, this would reduce the divorce rate substantially. I know it seems difficult to comprehend, but even when dating a relationship is better when you spend less time with that person, so why is this any different?

marriage just means you are going to be faithful to that person, and nothing more.

- Response by thecorrectanswer, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Toronto

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all of the perks, none of the work. Sign me up. lol

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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No, I think you should live together if you are married, that is all part of the journey. I do however think there are several things you can do to keep the peace, and still have your own time while living under the same roof. I think having seperate batherooms is a MUST! That will avoid a lot of fights and knowing that just because you live in the same house you don't have to do everything together. The rest will come with knowing the person, knowing when to push and went to backoff for awhile, but in the end it is amazing to have them close.

- Response by findyourjoy121, Female, 29-35

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I've heard that couples that do this are usually swingers.

I would think that people who don't live together and they're married don't have a very healthy relationship. Part of being married is sharing a life and HOME together. Maybe there is other underlying issues.

But hey, whatever works, right?? If this works for you and your husband all power to ya.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Denver, Medical / Dental

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I think I could.I just can't live with any one.I like being by my self.I just can't sleep with someone.Don't know why,just that way.But I love it!

- Response by god49, Female, 46-55

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Why not just try separate beds first....IJS

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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I think it could be ok if you could live near eachother and afford it. I do agree that familiarity breeds contempt and the excitement goes too. I saw a program once where a married couple shared one house that was cut into two apartments. That worked well.Define rules, boundaries and the reasons for it and you should be fine.

- Response by friendofkarma, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Everyone has an answer, but there is no is always "whatever works." I knew a couple years ago (a guy I used to work with, and we have lost touch) who were married and lived apart. He told me that every time they lived together, they were both up a tree, but now that they were living separately, they got along great, and still spent 3-4 nights a week in the same bed.

He was a playwright and drama teacher who needed quiet time in order to be able to write.

- Response by tomtomcat, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, New York, Teaching

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I think every couple is different and should come to a compromise that both can live with and if that means having to live apart, but be married, then I say that's an option...just because they are married, doesn't mean they have to live together but it is what a lot of couples 'choose' to's what works and what makes the marriage better that should be the main concern...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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I think it's funny that so many people think living together and sharring expenses is the culmination of being married. Seriously? I would consider this is a very realistic option if I ever decided to get married again. Living together changes the relationship. Period. People start taking things/people for granted when they are too available. When this happens expectations grow and disapointments follow. Why do we as a society feel the need to treat spouses like personal property?

- Response by chal08, A Rebel, Male, 29-35

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