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Active Questions

The scenario: A 40-year-old woman and a 24-year-old man...
Dating / 5:02 PM - Tuesday April 13, 2010

The scenario: A 40-year-old woman and a 24-year-old man...

...if you were the man, wouldn't you feel weird bringing a woman who would almost be your mom to hang out with your friends? Don't you think you would think "ew" in a few years when she started getting wrinkles and "ugh" when she didn't want to go as much as she used to? What about her impending health problems? And her kids....who are only 5 years younger than you, lol?

...if you were the woman, wouldn't you feel weird hanging out with the friends of a man who could be your son and his friends, some of which probably know YOUR older teenaged kids, lol?

How would this ever work?

Update: April 13, 2010.
I while it lasts. I'm looking for something permanent, as in until I die, lol, so we'll see. I've dated 10 years younger before; it lasted a year, and he never wanted to hang out with my friends, called me old all the time, belittled, embarrassed and made me subservient all the time, and it was just a disaster, so here comes someone even younger (I'm 38 and get mistaken for a high school student sometimes), so I'm leary, so I'll have to think about it. I know I shouldn't make someone else "pay" for another's mistakes, but I'm thinking younger guys eventually want kids, and mine are almost out of the house, and I actually made sure I wouldn't have anymore. Thanks everyone!

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Baltimore, Fashion

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it "works" when two people simply do NOT CARE about convention or social expectations. it "works" when two people have a shared bond that does NOT INCLUDE pleasing others, living up to dumbed-down expecations, or the prejudice of agism. 'cougars' exist. 'cradle robbers' exist. they do not see themselves in negative terms, including those very labels that are used by people to pidgeon hole them. 'older' and 'younger' is not measured by months and years, but is dissolved by a comfort zone and a gracious accommodation, one human being to another.

"ew" is not a label or descriptive of anything other than cultural myopia and petulant prejudice.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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Hell, I have no idea how women in their 20's put up with 40 year old men!

- Response by A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

At my extremely advanced age, I absolutely know that NONE of my friends have any power over any decision I make in MY LIFE!
If I were the 24 yo and she was 40..........I may NOT want to be with my friends anyway. OR hers for that matter. WE may need to cultivate a few "NEW" ones for ourselves.
STOP worrying what others is too short.....go live your life. Have a few really great years, and only go around once in this life. Stop worrying......JUST DO IT!

(according to my math statistics, 24 goes INTO 40 more often than the other way round...wink,wink)

- Response by 7879386, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65

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It can work ...Demi Moore and Elizabeth Taylor are moving examples...
For me, that age is too young...I do have my dignity, but, but, but ...if someone directs me to the fountain of youth...I might do him!

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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It may not work long term, but it can fun while it lasts.

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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its all about what level his mind is at and the rest will fall into place if its meant to be.

- Response by unbreakablesilence, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Student

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More likely than hanging out with friends they would only be spending time in bed.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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you're thinking too much into this. Just enjoy the moment.

- Response by girlpower08, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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OK it's obvious that you are anticipating some really weird interaction that will make you uncomfortable. So you are making a list of those things and trying to get all of us to agree with your worst insecurities. Is that the case?

If it is let me just tell you that you have an unbelievably limited point of view and you are fairly arrogant about it. You think that you know what everyone else thinks about you. You think you have it all figured out but the reality is that you are just projecting. You are just putting it on other people and blaming them because you cannot get over your own insecurities. It's just easier to imagine that it was them not you right?

PAAAAAAAAALEASE! As soon as you can find someone who can admit that all your insecurities are true and valid I will be happy to agree with you. Now go out and ask your bf and his friends if they feel that way. I believe the saying goes "Those who mind don;t matter and those that matter won't mind." Yeah...

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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With the way you are viewing it likely it will not work. A relationship between people with large age differences has enough problems dealing with the outside world picking it apprt for faults. If the people in the relationship are thinking negatively, it won't work.

It can work depending on each persons maturity. I would suspect the man knows you are going to get wrinkles. That's what happens when we get older. He will too (just a little later than you). Perhaps he celebrates all that happens to us (him included) as we get older and he doesn't mind. It comes with the territory. Maybe he is not as big a party animal as you think and looks forward to staying home more. or if he continues to want to go out an you stay home, will you and/or he be okay with that.

I think feeling weird about the age thing depends on whether he acts like a man or a boy. Sure it can be kind of weird. But some people are mature beyond their years. If that's the case with him then go for it. I think you all just have to be really honest about your fears. Have an open discussion about those things and you will quickly figure out whether this could make it or it's not worth trying.

Lots of younger men are looking for mature older women. I say just be careful that he is bringing something to the table that will add to your future growth together. Not just a young stallion, looking to be taken care of.

- Response by brownskinladyclt, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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stop this now. what two people do together who are of legal age and not adjudged incompetent is their own bizness. let go of this.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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Me aged 38 at last count, wife aged 46. As long as you both look after yourselves it can work. (We've been married 13 years and counting)

- Response by A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Leeds, Who Cares?

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This reminds me of my [married] mother. She had a "side piece" who is a year older than me. I'm 21. She will be 40 this year. Was thinking of getting a reversal on her tubes [which are cut, tied and burned] so she could give him a child. She broke it off with him this weekend actually.

- Response by rosalynmarie, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Student

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