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I've been talking to a guy I met online for months
Sex & Intimacy / 12:37 AM - Saturday April 10, 2010

I've been talking to a guy I met online for months

And we're going to meet up this weekend (in a public place... I'm going to check in with my friends periodically, etc)

We've talked about sex a lot and likes and dislikes, etc.

My questions is, I know if you meet a guy and have sex right away that the relationship usually goes no where. Is it the same if you've known each other online for a while?

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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While you should be cautious and aware, I tend to go into meeting someone assuming they are good people, and not preparing myself for the worst case scenario. Don't let some of the other answers worry you too much.

You can get to know someone fairly well online. You cannot predict chemistry, but you can ascertain whether you are compatible in many important areas.

While it's true that there are some seriously disturbed creeps online, there are many well balanced, interesting people as well.

Just do what feels right. Sometimes it does feel right on the first date...other times it doesn't. You will know whether you should or not. Trust your instincts.

- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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The ONLY difference is that since he doesn't know you at all, he could have STDs that he doesn't care if you CATCH.

Don't be stupid! You first meet only to get aquainted. You do not share your body with a stranger. Yes, HE IS A STRANGER!

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Technical

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Community Rating: Community Star

The guys on here will tell you to go for it (part of the man code...to help another guy get some) but listen to the experienced women. It rarely turns into a relationship if you do it. Most men will think that you sleep with everyone on the first date and will put you into the one-nighter or FWB tract.

Just get to know him as you would someone you're truly meeting for the first time because you are. Good luck

- Response by destinyseeker, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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How many months? You're being pretty intelligent by meeting in a public place. But, still be safe and aware of your surroundings and this guy's personality and the vibe he gives off. If something doesn't seem quite right, don't ignore that sense. There are great people you meet online that truly are the person they've communicated to you that they are. And, then you have many that are creeps that are lying and intend to meet what they believe are desperate, easy prey, to toy with their mind, and develop a sexual relationship with. Then, when you return home, you notice the calls, emails, texts, and facebook communication has decreased. What concerns me is how fast these online get to know you meetings always quickly move to sex talk. Are the majority of your conversations about other interesting things about you two that you share, or do the conversations mostly refer to sex? If you've met someone online, why not try to get to know something else to be interested in. Anyone can have sex, that's not something it takes time to get to know. But, most of the time, when someone talks about meeting someone online, they've already invested emotions in them based upon a profile, pictures, and talk. While I'm not against trusting that a person could be telling the truth. I do think you should always reserve developing emotional attachments or stimulating sexual desires with someone you haven't met yet.

Because, it's almost like the first meeting is anxiety about sex, not truly meeting the person you've supposedly been learning about or are truly interested in. The excitement should be in meeting each other and experiencing the great people you both are interested in. Not, in hey, we've been talking about sex and getting hot and horny, I can't wait to get to see you; we can have a great time and then have some great sex. Then, you leave "hoping" that he'll continue being interested in you. Or, get on here a week later asking, if you had sex too soon? I just don't understand why is there never any really great things expressed about the person, other than we've talked about sex, and the insinuation that sex is going to be expected? I know, you're an adult. If you want to have sex on the first date or meeting, fine. But, those situations where the relationship turns out the way you want after doing so, are the exceptions, not the rule. He could be a great guy. But, the interest has turned into discussions and anticipation relating to sex? Don't get me wrong. You do want to be sexually compatible. But, I just think upon meeting someone, there is so much more to be interested in being compatible on. But, this is always the top priority. And, I think that's a mistake. IMO

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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I would say yes. First, you are smart for doing the public place thing. However, that said, you may not end up liking each other in person... and you really should give it some time, unless there is some animalistic attraction you can't deny. As well as you think you know someone online, real life can be very different. I would tell him in advance that you would feel more comfortable getting to know him without that added pressure/wondering for your first meeting. If he really likes you, he will wait. And he will probably respect you more in the long run for it. It is also good to let him know what to expect in advance, especially for a first time meeting with someone you haven't met in person yet.

- Response by undecidedfuture1, A Creative, Female, 36-45

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c-star again to randyl, kept it short and straight to the point, please listen to her, as you were smart enough to meet in a public place, be just as smart not to have sex with him...

- Response by mburgos, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Who Cares?

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You maybe meeting with a sex offender. Be very careful.

- Response by int24h, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Alternative Medicine

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I think that's just a stereotype. OK, you sleep with a guy on the first date, you're probably destined to have just a one-nighter and nothing more. You date him 3-4 times, then you are starting to build something with him, some genuine interest in each other.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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Nah, it all depends on the guy. Some guys won't call you back after first-date sex, some guys will. My husband did! That's part of the reason he's my husband. ;)

- Response by helayna, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Yes. I think it is. Even though talking online makes you feel like you have known him longer and you might feel more comfortable being around them... keep in mind, that you really don't know the real person. You only know what they have told you.(which may or may not be the truth)Remember, internet time isn't real face to face get to know you time. Real relationships are built on getting to know the real person face to face. If you have sex on the first date, it is still the first date. It doesn't make a difference if you have been talking to him a while before or not.(online or in person) Having sex on the first date usually leads to a just sex relationship, so if you want a real relationship with him, hold off on the sex.

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

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No it still makes you an easy mark at best, at worst a slut. I'm not against one night stands or first date sex, I'm against having sex with someone you know nothing about. He could have been lying to you the entire time and have an STD or worse that he's not telling you about because he wants sex. If your conversations have ONLY been about sex, then he's not meeting you to get to know you, he's meeting you to have sex with you (or because he's hoping to have sex). Take some time, get to know him, spend some more time in public with him. Have a conversation about something other than sex. If there's sexual chemistry, trust me, it can wait a date or two--at least until you know he's not some lying cheating conniving bastard only looking for a quick lay.

- Response by lioness21, A Player, Female, 29-35, Consulting

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Like all have said be careful and meet in public.
I would say its not the same because this fellow online is still a stranger that you haven't met in person. Yes, you have exchanged conversation online etc...and have shared intimate personal stuff like sex. Which, I would say most people wouldn't do right away if they had met in person first.
The thing with net is that its easier to expose oneself because the person isn't real.
So the first thing I see in your question is that you have shared intimate stuff this guy without even meeting him.
So, don't be surprised if the guy is only interested in Sex, and just that.
Good luck.

- Response by jaws, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Sacramento, Who Cares?

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