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I am not sure what to do. How many dates should you go on before having sex?
Sex & Intimacy / 11:22 PM - Friday April 09, 2010

I am not sure what to do. How many dates should you go on before having sex?

I have recently reentered the dating scene after a divorce. I had one guy that I had gone out with 6 dates. When we had sex, he said the feelings weren't there and broke it off.

If the guy shows an interest for sex and the feelings aren't strong, does the sex jeopardize the possibility of a relationship? Websites say the guy likes the chase so you should wait. How long should I wait? Until there are strong feelings?

- Asked by marypleasure67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Other Profession

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First, that guy was a jerk. If your dates were spread over several weeks, he had time to figure out if the "feelings were there." It sounds like he just wanted to get the sex part.

As for when to have sex, don't go by websites. You have to go with your gut and what feels right to YOU. If he really likes you, he will be willing to wait until you are comfortable. So, wait for the feelings... it will be worth it.

- Response by undecidedfuture1, A Creative, Female, 36-45

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Frankly, I would continue to take it slow.
And I think it is often true, that once you have sex, the intimate feelings are removed.

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Yes, you wait until THERE ARE SPECIAL FEELINGS. And, if that never happens, then sex should not happen either.

If you feel nothing, you can bet HE doesn't either. So, why go to bed with him? If he never cared, it makes sense he would leave after finally SCORING. That is the goal afterall.

It is up to YOU to hold yourself in high regard and not give away something that you hold sacred.

The ease with which you GIVE it will be the VALUE that he places upon it.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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Depends for everyone but a few days ago I was watching the Tyra Show and Ludacris was on there answering the same question. In his words he said it depends on where he takes you on the first date if some where fancy and pricey 2 weeks if some where like wendys then you should make him wait at least 2 months. Waiting longer also helps show if they're sticking around for you or the sex.

- Response by staceym2112, A Cool Mom, Female, 26-28, Medical / Dental

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Even though I think you should not jump int to early within the first 2 months but that guy was a dumb ass, no one needs to have sex to figure out if the emotional feelings is there.

I personally think the longer you wait is the more thrill when you get there. So, you wait for your own satisfaction not for him. If a guy say make bad judgment on you then so does he, it takes 2 to make that mistake. Go out and have fun again, at least you still have the ability to choose the next guy. Choose him wisely and make him wait for you

Peace~

- Response by azianchemistry, A Player, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Who Cares?

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OMG, I love this Question and it is so so important. I have learned this lesson myself and not too long ago. I knew it, because I had heard it, but now I realy know its true.
I heard years ago that 'If a man asks you to sleep with him right away, then he is not interested in getting to know who you are'. It so made sense at the time.
Then a few months back, I found myself in just that kind of situation and put up with the passes (hey, it felt great to have a man makeing me feel that good with just a touch), but it only took a month before he was stepping back and was already hot on the heals of another female.
I could not blame him totally. He and I both knew that the feelings were just not there. I was not responding to him sexually. He said he was a 'red blooded man'...I thought that meant that he liked sex...I now think he just meant that the wanted to be able to run around like a dog after a bone...or in this case a 'squirrel after nut'.
However I have to admit that it just wasn't happening.
So this just goes to proove what I have always known...that if you are not friends with the person first...feeling that closeness or comfort with that person, then no, sex is not going to be as good as it should be.
The best relationships/sexual relationships I have ever had all were with men that I was realy close to in the first place. Then the touch is so much better.
And yes, I thinkthat it does jeopardize the possiblity of a good relationship.
Because then the relationship is based more on the sexual aspect than on the friendship.
I have been confused by a relationship with a man that I dated only once (but knew for months before), the sex was awesome though, but it just didn't work out. He was so self absorbed. I was confused at first because it was good, but the more I thought it out, the more I realzied that it was never going to go any where...this was as good as it was going to get.
So wait until you really feel that there is some serious chemistry. That he isn't going to dump you after the first roll. Several months is good, if you can wait that long.
He'll either stick around because he is interested or he'll move on. If he moves on, he wasn't worth it anyway.

- Response by sisterme, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Norfolk, Other Profession

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It's really up to you. For a man, having sex is a vital part of starting a relationship. Women want to know they have strong feelings for the guy before they sleep with him. I usually advise women that if you're not ready for some physical intimacy by, say, the 4th date, that's a red flag for a guy, unless you both have decided you just want to be friends. Guys are sensitive about being strung along by women who just enjoy being wined and dined. In other words, if you're not feeling it by 5th date or so, you should reevaluate if this guy is worth pursuing.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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It's really up to you. For a man, having sex is a vital part of starting a relationship. Women want to know they have strong feelings for the guy before they sleep with him. I usually advise women that if you're not ready for some physical intimacy by, say, the 4th date, that's a red flag for a guy, unless you both have decided you just want to be friends. Guys are sensitive about being strung along by women who just enjoy being wined and dined. In other words, if you're not feeling it by 5th date or so, you should reevaluate if this guy is worth pursuing.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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Rushing into sex in a weak relationship is recipe to kill whatever you have going on. Wait for a year, but be sure you can deliver when it happens. Some women will delay having sex for a long time to simply be a disappointment when they actually give in. If possible, wait until marriage.

- Response by int24h, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Alternative Medicine

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I have had sex on the first date and some never. I go with my feelings. If it feels right and I want it, I do it. No set formula. Wish I could say every time was good and right, but it wasn't, but overall I trust my own feelings.

Don't forget some guys are just jerks. Can't shy from it though and trust yourself. Dating can really suck

- Response by nitely1, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28

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