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I'm not the father........ Or am I?
Married Life / 9:37 PM - Friday April 09, 2010

I'm not the father........ Or am I?

Well to start off I've been married for 7 years but I've known for ten. Before I met my wife, "amelia" I was friends with another girl by the name of "Brenda" It was platonic for while until one day we had sex. She was my first though. it was only one time After this I met "Amelia" who is my wife now.
When me and her started dating, "Brenda" stopped talking talking to me and haven't seen her since, until two days ago. We ran into each other while I was grocery shopping we chatted for a little while but what kinda got me was that her son,which is nine years old actually had some of my features. Unfortunately she doesnt know who the father is. I didn't think about it until I did the math. I had sex with her a few months before wife and i met. His birthday is around our anniversary . Which means that there's a possibility that I could be the father of her child. Do I tell my wife? And if I do, how do I tell her?

- Asked by Male, 26-28

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If I were you, I would talk to "Brenda" about it just to make sure it's truly a possibility. If it is, you should definitely opt for a paternity test. If the test comes back and he IS your son, you'll need to have a conversation with your wife of course.

The tricky thing is whether or not to bring it up with your wife BEFORE a test. What if the test comes back negative and things were stirred up in your marriage for nothing? Then again, how would she feel if you waited so long to tell her there was even a question if he IS your son? I don't know your wife so I can't tell you what the best thing is for sure, but that's what you need to consider. You know your wife, you know better than the rest of us how she'll react.

- Response by lizarella, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25

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You sit her down and just tell her. It was before her time and the truth in this case will prevail. Please don't let her find out another way.

- Response by tweets4u2, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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Tell her, but explain that you were with the other woman before you met her.
If you think that you could be the dad, you should get dna tests, and if you are the dad, step up to the plate.

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Make sure Before you tell your wife.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Law Enforcement

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if i was you I would tell her that there was a possibility and then do what you have to do too find out if it is your kid or not but be prepared that she may freak out and you just have too accept that

- Response by biddie, A Married Girl, Female, 22-25, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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If you are sure enough that you cannot let it rest, then you should first TELL YOU WIFE. Never go behind her back about something this serious.

Keep in mind that Brenda doesn't want to know who the father is.

If you decide that you MUST find out, then tell your wife, THEN contact Brenda and tell her you desire a paternity test.

I would ask you to consider carefully if you are willing to start something that you will be forced to finish. It will change your life FOREVER if it is found to be what you suspect.

I would consider everything, including your present marriage and how this could affect THAT. Only you know those answers.

- Response by randyl, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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I would suggest you go see Maury Povich...he may say YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! or You ARE THE FATHER! He does dna testing on his show.LOL.Seriously talk to Brenda and ask her if he is yours and tell her you would like a paternity test. Good LUCK!

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45

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So you've been married since you were between the ages of 15-18 and possibly fathered a child between 13-16? Anyway if you've been married 7 years you should be open enough with your wife to tell her anything and she should most likely understand since you said it was before you met her. Don't say the child is yours or most likely yours until you know for sure though and you both should be able to talk things through especially if the child ends up being yours.

- Response by staceym2112, A Cool Mom, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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Ask Brenda for a DNA test.. then tell your wife that you love her
very much but and dont want to keep secrets and say what you said here..
Tell her you would have kept it to yourself but would feel like a liar and that you want
her.. your wife to always trust you... secrets kill marriages

- Response by nbtt, A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Body Work

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Before I said anything to your wife I would request that the girl get a paternity test done. That way you will know for sure, and if the child is not yours there is no need to unnecessarily inform your wife. If the child turns out to be yours, just tell your wife it was a girl you knew before her and this is the first you were aware you are the father. If you follow through with this be prepared to pay child support if the girl applies for it though.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Houston, Other Profession

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I would tell your wife exactly the same way you just told all of us. Matter of fact, before you confront the other woman, talk to your wife. You did noting wrong here. But if you are the father, and you can prove that with a DNA test, then you have another chapter to write. Will you take responsibility for his/her care? Will you pay support to this woman for caring for your child (if its your child)? Will you pay for your childs college education? I think the responsible thing to do is to talk to your wife first. Tell her about your concerns and make a decision together about what to do. Then go talk to Brenda. Take a DNA test and accept the responsibility of being a father. Your wife might be disappointed at first, but a human life is a beautiful thing - regardless of whether it was planned or not. Good luck.

- Response by jefemaster, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Newark, Financial / Banking

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