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Is he pulling away, seriously busy, or tired of me already????
Dating / 6:54 PM - Friday April 09, 2010

Is he pulling away, seriously busy, or tired of me already????

I'm very insecure in relationships, so, of course, my fears are that he's bored and tired of me-typical....

I've been dating a guy for 2 months-we recently got together this past Tuesday night and all was well. Suddenly, when I text him, asking him if he had a busy night, he says yes and he'll call me later. He doesn't call, but I don't obsess.

Yesterday, I texted him "good morning", he just says "thanks" (????). I call him in the afternoon, like I often do (note: I DON'T call and text 24/7, but he did say call anytime, he doesn't mind, but I'm careful not to overdo it), he says hello and I ask him how his day went, he said, "terrible, I'm actually in my office right now, can I call back later"-of course, he doesn't.

So, I'm making an effort NOT to text him today OR call-so far, he has NOT reached out to me at all!!!!

Have I driven him away??? I"M not exactly the Playboy model type that all men crave, but he always seemed to really like me, based on his prior actions-we also worked together WAY back when, but he was married at the time-however, there was always some sort of attraction there between us.

I finally found him through his son's account on Facebook, his son gave me his number, and we've been seeing each other ever since.

Is he bored with me??? Am I bad luck??? I know he's trying to start his business back up and has been having a rough time, so I'll give him that, but I"m very, very fearful that he's dumped me, I' mean, it's not the FIRST time a guy has done this to me!!!!!

Sigh....I give up...

- Asked by Female, 46-55

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Okay, first the fact that you admit you're insecure means you shouldn't be in a relationship at all. And self deprecation doesn't gain any sympathy from anybody, including him.

Now, if he's busy with work and it is all consuming for him as you made it sound, you're the last thing on his mind. As for the "bad luck", that comes from (when you) messing around with a man who's still married and you then are associated with the marriage and once the divorce is over, you get tossed out with the ex-wife due the association. And YOU contact him, not him contacting you.

You have to ask yourself why you are so insecure when it comes to men? Why are you so fearful of being dumped? Why do you "cling" so tightly to something that may not be in your best interest? You truly need to get some professional counseling to find out why you feel so worthless. And crying that "this isn't the first time a guy has done this to me!!!!" should tell you that you're choosing the WRONG men. Yet, the wrong men see your insecurity and weakness and exploit it to their benefit, not yours. And NO MAN can fix your issues. Only you can. So, stop with the pity party; worrying about whether this man wants you or not; and get yourself fixed before you pursue another relationship. Because once you fix yourself and believe and know that you deserve someone great, you'll get someone great. This guy is NOT him.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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Lady, you seem like a nice person to me. Don't put all your eggs in ONE basket. Diversify your interests a bit until he's HOOKED. You focus too much on this ONE guy. And he isn't completely sold yet. You shouldn't be either. You sound like an honest and loyal person, but sometimes that comes back and bites you in the butt. He sees you as a sure thing too soon. Men needs the chase and the adventure. Don't run, walk, into a relationship. Make them want it, crave it and hunt for it. Have your own thing going on. Party with your female friends. And never depend on a man for happiness. If he can ADD to your life, fantastic! But don't make him think your life depends on him calling you. Even if it does. Make NEW male friends in the meantime. And have fun! :)

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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He could be really busy and you sound really needy. And let's face it, needy people require too much work in a relationship. He may not have the time to nurture you. If you keep calling and texting you will make him feel like he doesn't have enough for a relationship at all. Don't be forceful...back off.

- Response by armystrongmama, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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I think you might have been the same poster who asked a similar question as before..either way...here is an answer that I gave last time too that either way, will address your questions.

It doesn't necessarily mean that he is no longer interested. What women don't know is that men naturally move forward and back in relationships. A man may suddenly, out of the blue, want to take a break and may stop calling you for 2-3 weeks. That's because with guys, we are not communication and talk oriented and men like to connect, then disconnect and regain some of our mental and emotional freedom and independence. This confuses women because women want to connect and stay connected all the time, they don't get that men need a lot more space than a woman does.

Even if a man says that he wants to connect all the time and does it for week or months at a time, no matter how much he loves a woman, he'll eventually need to pull back for several weeks to regain balance and refind himself.

It doesn't mean that he is no longer in love with you or want to be with you, it has NOTHING to do with you or his feelings for you at all, but women of course lump it all together and assume that it does. To him, he takes a break for a few weeks but then when he comes back the woman is pissed off, hurt, confused and gives HIM an attitude when he does come back, which he doesn't understand why. He then figures that she was NOT he person that he thought because she was never so nasty or rude to him before, but now she is so he figures that her real attitude is now coming out. Women think that he is another man playing games, but he's doing NO such thing and in fact most men are not even aware that they are doing this nor how women have perceived it and that they're now pissed off and hurt.

Sure, sometimes if a guy stops calling for a long time it may be that he is no longer interested, but if the woman gives him a huge attitude when he DOES try to come back, the she's just about guaranteeing that the relationship will be over.

So it's only been a week, which is nothing to a man who is in "Withdrawal" or "Rebalancing" mode. On the flip side, usually this occurs to a man after a few months of dating, so one month is a short time to need to take a break.

Either way, I would wait another week and see if he calls or contacts you in some way. If not, just send him a quick text message or email asking him in a casual ways..what's up, how you doing, hit me back if you still want to talk.. take care.

This way he is not pressured to talk and YOU will come across as being very secure and OK with him taking a break, which women HAVE to be because you have to understand that men do NOT want to connect or talk all the time. We are naturally independent and even when married, probably more so, a man needs to have time alone to find himself and to BE himself because men too often lose themselves in relationships and a big part of a man resents that fact. So that is why they unconsciously withdraw every 2-3 months for a couple to a few weeks at a time.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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you sound like me, how i was before. i think you should back off, i know its a lot harder to do, but do it. keep yourself busy, get a hobby, go shopping, see your friends. let him do the chasing. give him the chance to miss you!!
sure its fine to call him once in a while, theres nothing wrong with that, but you need to sort out your insecurities.

- Response by yasmin246, A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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