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Active Questions

Why do guys always fall for me right away and then completely change their minds a few days later?
Dating / 8:10 PM - Thursday April 08, 2010

why do guys always fall for me right away and then completely change their minds a few days later?

I never have a problem getting people to fall for me but then after the first few days they seem to lose interest and fade away. I don't understand. Is it because I start to worry after the first or second date that they won't like me anymore that this always comes true?

- Asked by An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Sacramento

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And here we have every girl's fear realized.

Men are attracted to two big things: a chase, and a challenge. So, first scenario: you are confident. When you're with friends, when the guy meets you, you are in control, smooth, witty, all those great things. The guy sees you as a challenge and a worthy catch. But if your independence crumbles once they ask you out, that could make them lose interest. This may be the case if you really worry after the first or second date-it could be a self fulfilling prophecy.

Of course, there's always the scenario where you're a bit too easy, giving a guy everything he wants on the first date. Take comfort if this is true-it means the guy was a sleazeball anyway!

Either way, the solution is confidence. Don't lose sight of yourself just because some new guy is interested. If he likes you initially, make sure you're still you come date three. Don't get caught up in worrying about him! Remember, in the dating world, guys worry too! It's normal. The guy will want a great relationship too, so don't fret that you're not meeting his standards. A relationship involves two people-so make sure you're holding true to your half of that! If you melt away after a few dates, there will be no one left to have a relationship with! So stay strong and independent babe!

- Response by femmefatale89, A Player, Female, 26-28, Student

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Community Rating: Community Star could be your personality!

- Response by honeywillowsback, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Edmonton

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It's because the chase is fun.

When you say they fall for you....are they just attacted to you or are they professing their love for you?

Do you sleep with them right away? If so, that would makes sense that they leave. They've got what they wanted. That's not saying that all men only want sex but if you have sex right away and they did like you, they're probably wondering how many guys you've slept with that quickly which would be a turn off.

Try taking things a little slower next time.

If you're not sleeping with them, then it's just not a good connection and it's better that they end it.

- Response by bermudababy, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Student

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You are attractive enough to attract men but if you can't keep them it is definately your personality. Do you talk about ex's? if so, don't! Are you negative? Are you too serious? Guys really are attracted to fun loving people that are positive and make them feel good. Don't discuss ANY problems when first meeting a guy. You gotta keep things positive. Why don't you ask your best friends for their honest truth or you could ask your last date--Can you tell me what I did that made you turn away? Be honest and maybe an ex will give you some insight.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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Don't act needy. You may be attractive and even have a great personality BUT "neediness" is a big turn off. It is not your mind making things happening it is your behavior.
There are great books out there by Christian Carter, they are very helpful. Good luck!

- Response by batgirl, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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