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How do i keep neighbor kids from coming over all the time?
Family & Parenting / 12:45 PM - Thursday April 08, 2010

how do i keep neighbor kids from coming over all the time?

i just moved into a trailer park and i have 3 kids ages 9,5 and 3. my oldest is the reason that all these kids keep trying to come over to play. my oldest is a boy and this little boy thats in kindergarten keeps coming over to play video games with him and stuff. then the little boy's cousins that are 2 little girls ages 9 and 5 keep following him over there to play with my kids too, not to mention another little girl thats 7 that also follows the crowd. and heaven forbid when they have friends or cousins tagging along with them. its like right when i pull up everyday after work they all run to my car and start walking in with me. its so frustrating cuz i cant even keep a clean house because i'm always busy watching everyone else's kids. i realize they are just kids and i hate to be rude to them so what do i do? i've tried telling my son to tell them he cant play and stuff and all that does is makes him angry and cry. they all want to run around with those kids everyday when we get home and i'm just so overwhelmed. what do i have to do to run them all off and get some privacy? they come at all hours of the day AND night!! someone help please!!

Update: April 08, 2010.
thanks you guys!!!!!

Update: April 08, 2010.
ok, thanks for all your responses. the thing is that i HAVE set boundaries and even told the kids nicely "sweetie they cant play right now". in turn the same kids will beg me and beg me after i've told them that (one little boy in particular) and his mom is always calling me wanting to know why i made her son cry. i tell her that i told him nicely that my son couldnt play right now and then she will ask me if he is in trouble or something and i just tell her yes so that i dont have to come out and say "no, my son's not in trouble, i just dont want your bratty kid around." her son is so sensitive but yet a complete brat when he is in my home. im actually tired of the parents of these children trying to call me or text me to ask me why i sent their children home!! its getting so annoying and uncomfortable for me there. i dont want to make enemies with these people but they have no class or no sense of cooth. they just let their kids come over whenever and dont care about my privacy and get mad or give dirty looks or mumble stuff about me when they pass by just because i send their kids home sometimes!!! what can i do to keep the parents happy after i send their kid home! i just dont like being used!

- Asked by lilmisscheery, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, San Antonio, Who Cares?

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Get your kids in the car and away from grand central, leave the others behind. Take them to a beach or park or out to eat.

- Response by wandatrick91, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?

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YOU are the parent. Stop letting kids rule your roost, including your own Son. If kids had their way, they would enevr go to school, play video games at all hours, and never eat anything that was good for them....

You need to set boundaries with your own kids 1st--perhaps they need to get out and play outside as much or more so than do the viedo games. They need to know what you expect of them and have rules set. Breaking the rules means no friends over AT ALL, or perhaps no video games.

But you also have to set boundaries with all the other kids in the group. Your house is NOT play central, and they will come over WHEN INVITED. That means that YOU have the final say, NOT your Son. He has to learn that things are earned, but expected, and good behavior is what gets you fun and playtime. Crying and being angry are ways of acting out to get what he wants. But you need to stand firm.

No one should be allowed in your house when you do not want them there....and maybe some time away from all the other kids is what yours need to be able to do some things around the house with their MOM.

The worst thing you could do is set rules and then break them. It then means you are no longer in control....and the kids will know it!

- Response by iowaczechartist, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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Tell them to go play in the Yard! lock the door like my mom use to do. You don't have to watch the other kids, but I would rather have my kid in MY yard then someplace I don't know where he is.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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Take away your son's video games and tell him that you gave them to his friend. After he pummels his friend senseless, just go "ha ha, just kidding" and give him back his video games. And if that doesn't work, do it again next week.

- Response by istillhatescrennames, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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I would set limits kids at all while you are away and I would advise you to talk to the kids parents.
Give the kids of yours chores to do that need to be done and make sure they do their homework first and then let them go outside and play.

- Response by lionhearted32219, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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perhaps set clear times that the kids can come and visit and make a rule ,only a certain number at a time and they have to have a plan. You will get the screaming and hollering but
you are being fair to them and making space for yourself.

I have two daughters and experienced similar.I had difficulty with the financial also because they would go threw lots of fruit , show up hurt and neglected and sometimes the parents put weird things on me. I did not know how to deal , I just kept spending lots of money for fruit, and did things like
de-lice kids at times and just really things the parents should do and had way more money to do but we happy to put stuff of on me.

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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I agree with Iowa. Set some Boundaries. Plus I'd go find their Parents. They are likely just happy to be rid of them but I'd find their Parents, get to know them and if they are cool, let your 9yr old go their homes sometimes so that they get to share in hosting play dates. If they aren't cool, tell them to keep their children at home except for Tuesdays and Fridays or something like that. You choose a boundary.

They have to respect your rules and if they don't keep up with their kids, let them know you are not going to be responsible for their kids and they'll all be playing outside of your home, not in it. The kids probably just like your home better because it's stuff to do.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Why don't you designate a certain time that the neighborhood children can come over and play? If your son gets angry and cries, then explain to him that when he acts that way, you are not going to give him permission to play at all. Do you allow your children to go to the other children's homes to play? When the children come over, sit down and talk to them and tell them they have to "ask" if its okay to come in and play at your house. Where are the parents of these children and have you talked to them to inform them that your children are only allowed to play and have friends come over at certain times? Get on the same page with them and work something out with the parents. The kids are small and all they want to do is play and have a good time. You should know already the privacy is very limited when you have 3 small children. You need to get some rules in play without getting stressed out and feeling like you are being rude and having to run the children off.

- Response by 3wiltedroses, A Player, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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When they are all in your house, call them to attention and lay out your rules.

1. I know you kids get excited to see each other but when I get home, do not rush to my car or follow me into my home. Please wait for an invitation to come over and play.

2. When you do come over to play, I expect you to leave things the way you found them and clean up after yourselves. If you can't clean up after yourself you won't be able to come over anymore.

3. This is not a playhouse and you can not come and go as you please or knock on my door at any time of day or night. Do not knock before _____ A.M. or after ______P.M.

In a separate conversation with just your children:

1. You must ask me for permission before inviting friends over.

2. Your friends will not be here everyday all day. You can play outside and at their houses too.

3. When I say "no" there is no discussion about it. If you feel upset, that's fine but you will respect what I say and do as you're told or there will be consequences.

Talk with the other neighborhood parents about the rules you have, find out their rules and work together so you're all on the same page.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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i thought setting a limit of how many friend can come over per day or at once was a good idea. it's not a frat party.

- Response by youngandsweet, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Retail

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Number 1... become the parent and take control of your 9 yr old. Let him know, in no uncertain terms, his crying tantrums are not going to get him anywhere but sent to his room alone. Then, simply tell the kiddys when you pull up to go home that your kids cant play right now.

A very simple "No sweetie, they can't play right now" will get you very far toward your quiet time. You have to be firm and set the limits and not let the kids rule you.

- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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First, understand it is YOUR house, you reserve the right to limit household guests. Perhaps talk to the parents and let them know you don't mind them coming over, but not all the time. Perhaps they can let your son go to their house as well. Sit down and talk to your son, and let him know having friends is important, but the constant traffic needs to be limited. Try having him earn play time. Try setting certain days for friends. Bottom line is it is your decision, not his.

- Response by lk2mvit, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I had the same problem, what I did was this:

I went to the parents and informed them that on my work days and school days I would not be accepting visits or play dates from other kids regardless of who they are. On week ends I would only be accepting kids over from 1-3 pm (you can set your own time. at 3 everyone goes home and before 1 everyone goes home no if and or buts. I also informed them of what my house rules are for everyone and that I expected their kids to follow them. If they brake my rules they will not be welcomed in my home till they can follow it.

At first some parents got upset, but when they realized I meant business, they made sure their kids played by my rules when at my place.

Your house is your safe haven, no one can tell you how to run it. Set the boundaries for your sake and the well being of your home. Your household will be greatful for it and you will get the rest you need.

hope this tip helps.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, San Antonio

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Setting rules is a tough thing that needs to be done. I would make them very simple and also compromise with you son. Let him enjoy playing while he can.. they grow up so fast and then they don't want to be at your house and you will want these days back.. Trust me! Say that on Tuesday and Thursday the kids can come over to play after dinner... say that if the weather is nice there are no video games or indoor play. Give them acceptable activities. Tell them if they do not wait til after dinner, then they cannot come over that day. Don't worry about the other parents... its sounds as if they may be using you as a baby sitter and you don't need friends like that. Put your foot down, but also make it fun for your children.

- Response by seashiner, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Are you a mom? Or a doormat? Why are you trying to pawn off YOUR responsibility as a parent, on your son? It's NOT his job to tell these kids not to come over - it's YOURS.

When these kids come over and you don't want them there, say "Kids, go home." And then shoo them out the door. If they won't leave, call their parents and tell them they need to come and remove their children or you'll have the cops do it. Then tell the parents to keep their children away from your home until you invite them over.

I don't understand how people can produce children and then act like they are ONE of them, instead of their parent.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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