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I can't depend on anyone and I'm tired of people using me!
Friendship / 12:50 PM - Tuesday March 30, 2010

I can't depend on anyone and I'm tired of people using me!

I can't depend on anyone and I'm tired of people using me! When is it going to end?

Right now I am really angry at the abuse that I've put up with and knowing that I deserve better.

I'm curious. How do others deal?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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ignore them try to get away from it and try to make friends i can depend on

- Response by mindgames, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Student

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This is really simple.

A lot of people in this world are not reliable, and a lot of times, words and actions don't match up. Mentally prepare yourself that if you have high standards on this, most people won't meet them.

Then, as you go along, set boundaries so that you live a balanced life and don't end up feeling so torn apart by the demands on you.

- "I've been working all week, I'm just going to take a night to myself tonight and catch up on sleep."

- "I'm not going to be able to plan that party, I have other obligations."

- "I've put yoga or massage or working out or whatever into my schedule, and I treat it like an appointment... and if people ask for my time, I tell them I have an appointment."

So then, you don't end up feeling used, and you don't feel the need to get revenge through passive aggressive abuse at those people who've let you down.

This would be like, if you work with someone and you don't think they do enough, but you pretend to cooperate with them while complaining about them to management and HR.

Or if you are dating someone, and "he should know" what you wanted, so, to pay him back, you're going to withhold affection or whatever.

Don't let it get to the point where you start lashing out with passive aggressiveness.

Stand on clear boundaries from the start. Be flexible within reason but not to the point where you're exhausted and depressed.

Most friends and partners and co-workers would rather that you be happy and enjoyable to work with.

So don't work quite as hard and preserve your own needs. If you disappoint a few people sometimes, so what? It's better than ending up hating them right?

I hope this made sense and helped out.

Take care.

- Response by wp2007, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

People will "use" you only as long as you allow it. Sometimes we want everyone to like us and do things we would really rather not do just to please them or not make waves.

You do deserve better. When you don't want to do something for someone, just tell them the reason. It's OK to say "No"!

If you can't depend on the people in your life, then you don't need them around you. Surround yourself with people you can trust and rely on ... life is too short to continue to give and never receive!

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

Rating Received:

I live my life in the HERE & Right Now.
What's been in the past, is LEFT THERE!

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Learned that "No" is a complete sentence, and I do not owe anyone anything.

I have one last "boundary violating" relationship to conclude and then with the support of those that understand this part of me, I will work very hard to not enter into another off-balance relationship...

- Response by siouxzen, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

It will end hun when U stop giving all the time to ppl who are taking advantage of u. U are allowing them to use u. The behaviour will not change until U start saying NO.
Learn to say NO more than Yes. Is very powerful tool and great for self esteme also..It is ok to say NO
If I was being abused by anyone who asked for my help depending on the situation and was constantly using and abusing me I would not give or assist them again.
U do deserve better and it all starts with U. Read some self esteme books . Visit a nearby library . Read a few books digest and practice the suggested behaviour changes. Remeber it all starts with U . and no means no and is ok to say NO.

- Response by berri, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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