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My boyfriend is always "too tired" to have sex. I'm starting to wonder if it's me.
Sex & Intimacy / 5:59 PM - Sunday March 28, 2010

My boyfriend is always "too tired" to have sex. I'm starting to wonder if it's me.

We started dating alittle over a year ago. At first, our relationship was all about sex. Since then, I've lost weight and he's gained some. Maybe he's just insecure now, i don't know. All his friends tell me I'm hot but I feel really unattractive when my boyfriend never wants to have sex. And, when we do it's not very good and he always tells me how tired he is afterwards. What the hell is going on????!

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Sounds like to me it was mostly about sex rather than love, A lot of marriages end up like like the situation you just described...You make it sound like it's a 'chore' for him rather than true intimacy...

- Response by billpayer, A Career Man, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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He could be depressed, or anxious. "Too tired" is often a way of saying, "I'm more tired than I'm excited by you". My gf said this for a year, and also kept reassuring me that she found me attractive. She didn't lie, but she clearly didn't find me attractive enough to get over her chronic tiredness and do me. So that's probably how things are - either he has some sickness, or he is no long into you.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 26-28, Seattle, Technical

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He's lost the "new" from the sexual part of the relationship. He has grown "old" of what had been anew, thus he wishes for something to reignite what is lost.

- Response by richard77, A Creative, Male, Who Cares?

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if that is his natural drive you either stay with him and do with out or up grade.

life is too short for me to do with out so in that instance i would up grade for a woman that was more sexually compatible

- Response by superbussell, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Detroit, Artist / Musician / Writer

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It is hard to say, there could be many reasons why he is 'too tired' to have sex and most of them may have nothing to do with you.

That said there is the possibility that he was more attracted to your figure when you were larger, this does not mean you are unattractive, just that his preference may be for larger women.

Perhaps he is just stressed out by other things that have nothing to do with you.

There is no way of knowing without asking him.

Ultimately your self worth should be independent of his desire for you, or what others say of you. Perhaps the lack of sex is simply symptomatic of other things that are not going right in your relationship?

When his friends say you are hot, I am sure that you turn around and remind them who you are dating, right ;)

- Response by nevenera, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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wow um i have most def been in your situatuon before and it happened about a year into our relationship too i am no longer with him because he cheated on me and to this day i believe he had been all along. think hard about if its a possiable chance he could be cheating on you and confront him about why he never wants to have sex. being tired is a bull shit reason most men are down for sex anytime. just ask a guy friend and he'll tell you that. i'm sure its not anything your doing though he probably has his own issues. best advice i can give is sit down and have a talk with him about your feelings and be honest. if he cares enough for you then he will change if not move on

- Response by athenawearsboots, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Rochester, Retail

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