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How much about your past should you reveal?
Dating / 5:48 PM - Sunday March 28, 2010

How much about your past should you reveal?

I'm dating this amazing guy and I see a definite future with him. I am a very honest person, so I tend to tell him everything - sometimes too much i think :P .
I went through a bad stage in my life for about 8 months where I did some stuff I now regret. I feel like my boyfriend should know about it, but at the same time I dont want to scare him off. It wasn't anything horrible - just a LOT of partying and as a result a few one night stands.
Should I tell him? Does he really have to know everything about me? Any advice?

Update: March 31, 2010.
thanks to all who responded. to some of you - calling me a slut and immature - you have no idea what i have been through. you're being judgmental and extremely mean. im sure you've made mistakes in your life or regretted things you've done.

Update: March 28, 2010.
heres the thing though - my friends keep bringing things up. like how hard i can party, how i can out drink anyone, how i can always pick up guys at the bar. those close to me know i only did it as a way of escaping my issues and that it's not who i am. i just dont know how to explain it to my boyfriend..

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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I guess that's who you are. I mean, you aren't someone who would do stuff like that everyday, but when you need an escape, you did that, which makes it likely that the next time you seek an escape, you might do that again. Is it wrong? I guess not. Is it uncommon, and something to look down upon? Again, I don't think so.

People change, and they grow up. You did too. There is nothing wrong in letting him know about your past, as well as the growth that has come along with that. If you'd rather wait until later to talk to him about that, then do that. If you friends keep brining up stuff about you that is no longer true, then you can tell your BF privately that as he gets to know you more, he will learn more about your past that will put things in context, but he just needs to understand that you also used to go to sleep with your Barbie doll, and if a friend makes a reference to that, it doesn't mean you continue to prefer your Barbie to be your bed-mate :) Also, have a chat with your friends who bring this stuff up - they probably think that they are building up your image as a 'cool' person who is very desirable and is a 'player', with the implication that your BF should feel flattered that you have (for now) made him your stable mate. They probably don't realize that these comments are upsetting you.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 26-28, Seattle, Technical

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Tell him nothing. Keep the past in the past. It is done and learn from your mistakes. Your past is not something you need to bring into your future relationship because it is in the now and in the future... You can do nothing to change your past, but you can do everything to create your future. Make it the best possible given your mistakes and forgive yourself... you are.. after all... only human.

- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Managerial

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Community Rating: Community Star

No.
A place for women is at home not at the clubs.
Tell him and he might dump you.

- Response by kaosun, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Boston

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"those close to me know i only did it as a way of escaping my issues"

that's not supporting your argument, it shows lack of mature judgement. In other words, an argument in favor of dumping you.

A wise and strong person doesn't run away from problems.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 29-35

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He only needs to know that you love him and are committing to just him. Beyond that it's completely up to you what you think he needs to know about your past.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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he doesn't *need* to know everything about your past. he needs to know only what the future is likely to hold.

if you are together for the long haul, you'll probably end up telling him about this anyway. question is - when? it doens't have to be right away. wait until you are ready - wait until you are sure that your relationship is ready to share each others dark secrets.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 26-28, Seattle, Technical

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if you feel that you want him to know about this, i think you should tell him. i were in the same position a few months ago, and told him everything.. and he freaked out, but i gave him some time to think about it and told him to take it or leave it. your past is a part of who you are, and if he doesnt accept it, hes mabye not right for you anyway.

- Response by lovebeforebreakfast13, A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25, Student

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tell him the truth about whatever he may ask you. explain to him about what he asks about. don't just blurt out every aspect of your past. he probably has one too. if you become close enough to accept each other as you are, pasts and all, then you may be able to discuss both your pasts in an adult and understanding way.

- Response by divadancer2, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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I wouldn't want to know all the people my significant other has slept with. They don't need to know every little detail about your life.

- Response by jvans23, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Regina, Student

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If it comes up, be honest with him. Tell him the truth. Otherwise, if the question doesn't come up, let the past be the past. if he expects you to be that brutally honest with him, he should expect to be the same in return.

- Response by keithmusic, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Civil Service

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