This will stick with her for the rest of her life. There may be times when she "forgets", but for the most part, she'll know when her "due date" is near year after year, and year after year, she'll think, "My child would be one year old today. My child would be starting school this year. My child would be in high school.." Again, this will be with her for life.
The best thing you can do is be supportive, but additionally, don't forget this. Don't let her be the only one mouring the life that never happened. Allow her to talk. If you guys are together a year from now, and you notice that she's not herself around the anniversary of the abortion or around the anniversary of what would have been the birthdate of your aborted child, say something TO HER, "Hey, a year ago we went through this...a lot has happened in a year, huh?"
She's not going to feel depression for a little while. She's going to feel depression off and on for LIFE. AND don't think, however many years from now, when she does give birth to her next child, she'll have moved on and won't be thinking about this aborted child...she will.
Right now, her body is having to adjust BACK to it's non-pregnant state, and that can be really horrible physically - she could experience post-partum depression type symptoms because her body is doing the same thing it would have if she had actually given birth. So, be patient. Be understanding. It make take months for her body to get back to normal. It may take much longer for her spirit to heal.
Just like a woman who gave birth, your GF cannot have sex until her body has healed. Respect that and don't pressure her for sex. While you're not having sex, talk about the birth control options you have and decide which plan to use so this doesn't happen again.
Women talk...and the talking is more "processing" than anything...so, just listen when she talks. Don't say anything. Don't interrupt. Just ACTIVELY listen - turn the tv off, turn your cell phone off, hold her close, look at her as she speaks, nod, and do not try to "fix" and do not "interrupt" and do not act like what you're feeling is anything as intense and what she's feeling (because women bond with that child the MOMENT they get a postive pregnancy test - men don't). And she may have to talk about this again and again and again, and each time, you need to just take the time to actively listen. You may be tired of hearing it, and you may feel that talking about it again isn't going to change what happened, but women need to "process", so all that's require of you is to listen, so listen. If you do that, you're helping her emotionally and psychologically.
- Response by kiki812
, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Artist / Musician / Writer