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Why are so many women weak and stuck-on-stupid when it comes to men?
Dating / 3:01 PM - Wednesday March 24, 2010

Why are so many women weak and stuck-on-stupid when it comes to men?

Where are the Strong/HIGH-SELF-ESTEEM WOMEN?

Does she even exist with the exception of myself and maybe two others that I know. As I read through some of the posts, not only on this site, but other sites that I am a member, I often witness that WOMEN regardless of looks, race and age have very LOW SELF-ESTEEM. They will do ANYTHING to keep a man who is NO GOOD to them or for them, as well as TOLERATE HIS CRAP, as if it is the NORM to be treated that way. Some of the issues are very obvious, to let go and keep it moving, but many women sit right there as if they can't take charge of there lives and move on. For the most part, Men ARE NOT weak for women. A woman got one time to hurt or disrespect him and HE IS OUT (and I applaude men for this). So why are women so weak for men? I am a woman, and I can't figure this out. I haven't EVER had a problem leaving a man alone and/or NOT letting him back in once he hurt me in any type of way (and yes I have been in love). So, why can't so many women let go, is self-esteem the only factor?

Update: March 24, 2010.
I thank everyone who responded. All responses thus far have been GOOD/EXCELLENT. However, I didn't realize that I could only give 3 STAR rewards for one question-as many of you deserved a STAR, but I was only allowed to give +2 after my 3 Stars were used. For those of you who got a +1, it wasn't that your responses wasn't Good/Excellent, I just wanted more. May God Bless and Keep all of you and again Thank you. Tijadarling.

- Asked by tijadarling, A Creative, Female, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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It's the fear of being alone.

I think this comes from the society's perception of single women in general. They are seen as desperate, emotionally unstable, incomplete without a guy, etc. No one ever thinks highly of single women even if she is successful; people will always comment on the lack of her love life, e.g. Jennifer Aniston. But that's definitely not the case for single men. Double standard again.

Many women therefore get into a relationship and feel like she's 'achieved' something. So, when a guy starts treating her badly, she'll cling on to him, because he (or their relationship) is her goal, achievement or purpose.

Ever noticed that all some women talk about is their BF, relationship/marriage or love life? Yap, for many many women, the thought of being alone or ending up alone at the age of 40 or whatever scares the hell out of them that they end up compromising who they are and their values without even realizing it.

And of course, many women have low self-esteem issues, as you said, so they just do not realize they deserve better.

- Response by cool7, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Self-esteem always comes from somewhere. And it is usaully shaped since you have been a child, so a lof of influence is comming from your parents, the way your father (as a man) let you relate to himself and the way you used to relate yourself to him. This is actually my situation I can say, and this is what I am just learning now. My father was never emotionally available and I remember trying my best to make him give me some attention, which would reward me and give me a feeling of SELF-WORTH. So women like that learn to validate themselfs through relationships, and keep repeating the pattern from the past until they are conciously aware of that and then have the power to change it. So yes, it comes to self-esteem, it comes down to self awareness and recognising what is behind my way of relating to others.
I belive you might have been lucky then, having a happy and healthy childhood, healthy relationship with your parents. Some unfortunately are not that lucky, and I guess the situation would be getting even worse as the amount of divorces and relationship issues are increasing so much. So the number of people comming from disfunctional families is rasing...
I guess we need to all start looking after ourself first, before we can really learn to love others.

- Response by basiaf27, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, London

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I think alot of it has to do with the fact that women judge themselves and each other on the basis of their relationships. Much more so than men. A 35 year old man who's never been married is usually seen as a "catch" by women and often envied by other men. A 35 year old woman who's never been married is looked at like, "What's wrong with HER?"

So, lots of women, who are strong and smart and independent in every other aspect of their lives, will often view a bad relationship as being better than no relationship.

- Response by rokitman, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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That's pretty scary, I agree. I think in general people (men and women) tend to have low self-esteem. Some think that unless you're in a relationship, there's something wrong with you.

I wish people would find happiness within themselves and not hinge their self-worth on what others think of them or who they're with.

This is especially upsetting to hear from young women .. I thought things had changed since I was younger. But it looks like many young women today (with all the opportunities available to women now) -- are still obsessed with having a man in their life. AND seem to put their own feelings aside in order to keep them.



- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65

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Great post.

I think a lot of what you describe is motivated by fear...of the unknown.

Many men AND women believe that it is better to be in an abusive relationship in which one is familiar than to brave the unknown "out there" alone. I believe that is nonsense...but it DID take a while to learn. You are right in that self esteem enters into this as a matter of self-confidence...or in this case, the lack of it. I only hope that the message I've sent to my son and my daughter regarding this has been heard...and heeded.

- Response by drumboi2, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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I often wonder the same thing, and agree with you! I lose interest in a man instantly if he doesn't treat me well. Many of my friends seem to be turned on by that, and go after the guy more if he mistreats them or lacks interest in them. I don't get it at all.

- Response by abitspoiled, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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There are just as many women out here that do have self esteem and would not accept such treatment..Women have to make the change and understand men treat you the way you allow them to do so..It has to go back to childhood to accept abuse and think it is earned. The sad part is these women have to recognise this and make the changes..Sometimes they won't do it for themselves but will for their children ending the cycle. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Mat Boggs - Crack the man code and find everlasting love.

I listened to an interview with Mat Boggs and he spoke of some


natural chemistry that goes on between a man and a woman.

And one thing that I found interesting was the woman when they

are attracted to the males pherimones become addicted to the

male.. The addiction is that pain the feel when the relationship

ends even if they ended it they are experiencing that addiction

to the male and it last's for two years....He offered a lot of

information based on scientific research that explains this

"weekness in woman"



- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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In all honesty, I don't think it's just self-esteem but a woman's(or man's) belief system, values, how they were raised, how they 'want' to be seen and/or possibly how they don't want to be seen as 'failing' at something...I've done research on relationships and actually was a Marriage/Relationship counsellor and a lot of times, it had somethings to do with self-esteem but more often than not, it had to do with the person not wanting others to think they failed, the person believing that when/if they are with someone, it's better to try to work on things than walk away(kind of like trying before giving up) or because they didn't want to find out later that had they 'tried' things would have changed...I guess it's dependent on how the person is raised, what their belief systems are and what level of self-esteem they have...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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I'm divided on this. After all, I've seen plenty of attractive women who have enormous self-esteem. They let guys take them out, pay for their social life and then dump or reject them as soon as they get bored. Most girls that I know or have dated will break up with a guy if he so much as scratches his nose, and they'll reject most guys who come their way.

In this day and age, women are not dependent on men and have the freedom (for the most part) to choose their own mates. The way I see it, if a woman chooses to stay with a bad guy, it's her own choice. Maybe she wants to be abused, maybe it's something else. But low self-esteem? If you're a hot woman, you get validated all the time and can get anything you want.

- Response by lawyerdude, A Career Man, Male, 29-35, Lawyer

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A lot of that has to do with parenting in my opinion. I don't think some parents, maybe especially fathers, are empowering their daughters.

My dad has nothing but daughters and he paid attention to us all. Taught us about hard work and goal and being successful. He was there for just about every track meet, basketball, softball, and volleyball game, and every band concert and you name it! So, I don't have any ground work to be "weak" in that sort of way.

The same cannot be said of many young girls though :(

I also think each generation has certain ideals about women and family to go with the era of children.

- Response by TheSshhmoe, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Student

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Yes, there are alot of us women who have low self esteem. I thought that I did but, I realize that, when I look in the mirror, I like what I see. I don't think I'm "perfect" and I want to go down 2 sizes but, I don't understand why a good looking man wouldn't find me attractive. But...you know what? If they seem to find me attractive it's ONLY for "one thing" and THE ONLY MEN who seem to want an actual relationship w/ me are the ones that I, unfortunately, DO NOT find attractive in any way. (and trust me, I've never wanted "perfect pretty boys") That type of thing starts to make me feel that the only reason a man would want to be w/ me is because I was the absolute last resort. Then...(and I know you girls know what I'm talking about) you end up seeing one of the men that you were attracted to, whom wouldn't give you the time of day, w/ a woman who is NOT more attractive than you. Or you see the same man w/ a woman who is so smokin' hot that she should be in a swimsuit mag. When you go thru that over and over, you tend to wonder and think that there is obviously something wrong w/ your looks. Those men never got to know you at all so, it's not about your personality. That lack of self worth that you feel usually doesn't have to do w/ home life and parental teachings etc. It's straight from the "life lessons" that you learn from your experiences. Those feelings are not healthy but, when it seems like it's so obvious that it's like 1+1=2, well...you tend to believe it. Thankfully, it has never caused me to hold onto an abusive or malfunctioning relationship though. Holding on to those unhealthy relationships would probably be the part of this topic that can be due to what you witnessed on an every day basis at home while growing up. You see alot of moms that stayed in abusive relationships that have daughters that do the same. That also goes for the fathers who were abusive and have sons who do the same or the fathers who never stood up for themselves to the bossy wives whom have sons who do the same. When it comes to "why women want their partner to like them" well...I have to agree w/ "brighteyed". It, most of the time is alot harder for men to truly understand the giving, caring and nurturing part of a woman. Alot of the times, we want to know that we are "liked" not to boost our self worth but, to have the satisfaction of fulfilling the wants and needs of the person we love. Women want to know if there is anything that they can do better to make their loved one happy and content. Men seem to usually not care. They think of it more so like "if you don't like it, then oh well cuz I'm not changing" They think of it as more of an attack rather than realizing that both sides have to make compromises and meet in the middle for a healthy relationship. Men are more worried about their own needs and not the happiness of the woman so, they can easily leave relationships over and over again. Trust me...women aren't weaker than men, they have different priorities. Unfortunately, the priorities that women have in a relationship can tend to push their needs to the side. Women have to learn that since the men are not naturally programmed to say to the woman "hey, your doin' way too much to make me happy so, why don't WE focus on you for now" they will have to be able to assess everything and know when they themselves need to be the one whom is made happy by their "man".

- Response by carmila123, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Retail

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if these women had a brain to begin with, they would be very dangerous.

- Response by frankcrate23, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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I am a very strong, independent and kind woman. I get so discouraged trying to make female friends. They all seem so pathetic to me. They only care about having a man, and somehow seem that having one is some sort of badge of honor. They are SO very NOT interesting. I wish I could meet more interesting and worldly women for friendship, but there are hardly any out there.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I am a very strong, independent and kind woman. I get so discouraged trying to make female friends. They all seem so pathetic to me. They only care about having a man, and somehow seem that having one is some sort of badge of honor. They are SO very NOT interesting. I wish I could meet more interesting and worldly women for friendship, but there are hardly any out there.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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very clueless, obviously.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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well there are many women that think they are all that, especially with many of them nowadays that have a very high paying job. and with such an attitude problem that many of them seem to have these days, it is very hard for men like us looking to meet a good one today. just by going out, i can see how they act today. most of them at the clubs are so wasted, and are all over the place which makes it very sad. certainly very hard to meet a good woman there or anywhere today, since many of them play very hard to get and will walk away anyway. the women years ago were certainly much more educated and it was much easier meeting them, since most of them did act like ladies. many women carry to much drama when they are out, especially when they drink. it is very sad how women have changed over the years, and many of them are nothing like the women back then. my aunt and uncle are starting their 65th year together, and that just shows you how much different women were years ago.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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There are just as many weak-minded men, unfortunately. I don't get it in either gender. You have one life. Why waste it?

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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My guess would be that they're not writing asking for advice, as they don't need any. This sounds like a smartass answer, but I mean it in all seriousness.

- Response by divo, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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I don't think it's that women necessarily have low self-esteem (though yes, some do), it's that it MATTERS to us what our men think of us. If I'm with someone, I want him to honestly think I'm awesome! It's all well and good that I think of myself as awesome, but it matters to me, and I think it matters to all women, that their partners think so too. If a man puts up a front that he doesn't care what his woman thinks of him, then he either doesn't care about her or he's hiding the truth.

So I think it goes both ways in a relationship where both partners really do care for one another. We want the other person to think highly of us; of course we do. And I don't think it has to mean we have low self-esteem just because we want to hear how awesome the other person thinks we are. Hehe. That's love!

- Response by brighteyed, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Student

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