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How long should you date before getting engaged?
Married Life / 4:07 PM - Monday March 22, 2010

How long should you date before getting engaged?

If you are both over 40 how long should you date before getting engaged?

I specify being over 40 because we both know ourselves pretty well and have already grown up and been through a lot to make us who we are.

Update: March 22, 2010.
ok...let me ask this a different way- do you think 4 1/2 months is too soon to get engaged? Have known each other for 13 years and dated 13 years ago but now together 4 1/2 months.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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As long as it takes for both of you to know you are ready for a life long commitment.

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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Time frames stop being as important as we get older because like you indicated, we know ourselves a lot better. I think as long as you find out CORE values and Commonalities, both are happy with their lives and themselves Before you met then do it whenever you feel like it.

If one or both of you were lonely and unhappy before meeting, take your time to know that you are not working from a base of 'need' but one of want.

To me, Marriage is about coming together as one and that involves more than just Feelings. The Engagement Period is to give you time to know those other important things--the "Business Side" of things.

If you know each others "Non-Romantic Selves" such as things about Finances, Argument Styles, How you plan to handle Elder Care/Grandkid Care later, How you will combine families if you have kids, etc then again, go for it.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Getting engaged means you're emotionally and financially ready to get married and host of other things, but the biggest is definitely being emotionally ready. If you need to wait more than year to "get ready" then you're not ready to get engaged. Those couples that stay engaged for three or four year, "getting ready", I don't get. And people I've known that have stayed engaged that long, eventually broke it off.

There is no time limit..... at any age.


- Response by itellnolies, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55

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I'm not sure when do you plan on engaging to him? Good luck I hope he says YES!:)

- Response by spanky, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Cincinnati, Managerial

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id say 1 yr is a good range give or take a few months. definitely not less than 6 mths.

- Response by galdeen, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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Well I need an answer to this question from you:

Tell me absolutely everything in your life that needs to happen for you to be happy.

Tough question huh. It could take you 3 years to formulate this or 2 seconds or you might never know the answer to that question. Why? Because the answer is never simple and it always changes.

So being engaged would make you happy right? But you want to make sure that some people will not think that you being happy is the right thing? Or is it that you are afraid that all the happy giddy things you feel right now are wrong and will eventually tell you that it was a mistake?

I have only one answer for you. Be happy. Do whatever it takes to be happen and above anything else, make sure you aren't doing stupid things or thinking silly thoughts that will lead to you avoiding being happy. Trust me, this is one of the worst problems that many people have. They spend so much time in disbelief of why they are happy that they kill it. So the answer to you question is really this:

How long should you wait to be happy? A lot less then you or anyone else thinks.

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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Time frames are for children who need to get out in the world and figure out who they are. If after 40 you don't know that you don't need to marry any way. As soon as you really know you love this person or know that your life even at the worst of times will be better with them than without. Thats when you know its time to marry.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I knew I wanted to marry her after 3 dates - so personally no - but I respect her enough not to rush her before she's ready. Her last relationship wasn't the most pleasant.

- Response by lom2009, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55

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So I am going to ignore the Over 40 part so I can answer this...My fiance and I knew after 2 weeks that we were going to get married. We just KNEW each other, and could past any disagreements without much bickering. We finally got engaged in Feb, after 3.5 months, and when we get married we will have been dating for 6 months and 1 week (and only known each other 7 months). We are only 23 and 25, but boht of our parents, as well our pastors, are so happy we are going to be together, and allwondered when the announcement would come. When you know, you just know. If you are questioning it, though, you should probably wait.

BTW, I am not pregnant. The wedding is being rushed because he is going into the military! Oherwise, we would have waited a little longer...2 months to plan a wedding is too stressful! At least we will never have to do it again!

- Response by jennmav, Female, 29-35, Tampa

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Love is Love, no matter about time. I lost my favorite brother last July 31st and his wife grieved hard for over four months and then accidentally met a most wonderful man much like my brother. She was so afraid what people think so soon after my brother deceased. I told her time waits on no man--live every day to the fullest and never look back. Good Luck!! What other people think is of no importance to "YOUR" relationship.

- Response by certifiedchef, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Houston, Food Service

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