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Do you feel sorry for people in their 40s or 50s who don't have children?
Family & Parenting / 2:41 PM - Sunday March 21, 2010

Do you feel sorry for people in their 40s or 50s who don't have children?

It's very sad to see them alone with no one to care for them. It gets sadder when they hit 60 and 70.

- Asked by A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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I feel even more sorry for their parents. The parents went to all the work of raising children, and the children did not continue the family. Life is a debt to your parents that you pay by passing life forward. I am sorry for the parents when the children reneged on their debt of life.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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NO because there are many people who don't want and never had children. And just because you have children doesn't mean that they will be there for you when your older. They may live in another state. Die. or just not be in contact with their families. Having children doesn't gaurentee someone will be there when your older and there are tons of people in nursing homes that have children who do not come to visit them.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I wanted to have no kids and ended up having one. When I see people my age and older who have kids I actually envy them. having a mother with alzheimers I know that if I get it I will be a burden to my child. I hate that. I think that they have nobody to take them only says that they will be a burden to nobody. That doesn't mean they don't have people to take care of them or love them. I simply means that they have nobody who is legally obligated to look after their personal and financial affairs.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Home Maker

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No. If they couldn't have children naturally, there are plenty to adopt or foster. If they could and decided not to for other reasons, that's their choice. Many older people have children that don't give them the time of day when they aren't in need of help, let alone when they are in nursing homes. And, there are many parents that have been killed by their children. So, having children doesn't equate to loyalty, love, or being taken care of when you're old. My uncle had children who were no where to be found when he had cancer.

But, his nieces and great nieces, along with a brother were there for him, even after he passed to take care of the funeral arrangements. My mother has 5 children and only two show her attention and love on a continuous basis. Having children is a gift and a blessing. But, it doesn't mean you have to end up alone. There are friends and family that can be there for you that you did not give birth to. There are so many elderly people who have children who do nothing but make sure their bills are paid and wait for the insurance money or inheritance when they die. So, it really is about people helping people. I know people that volunteer and have taken care of elderly people and they were no kin to them at all. But, the love, attention, and care, would have you believe they were a family member.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Not everyone wants the same things in life. But if they wanted them and were unable to have them...yes, that is quite sad.

- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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No.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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No. More often than not, they made the choice not to have children. Of course, there are some who cannot.

- Response by king313, An Engaged Guy, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Who Cares?

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No.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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No, not at all. perhaps they chose to be childless and made other provisions for help, when the time comes. or close to their nieces and nephews.

often, the kids do NOT help out anyway. well, they do place them in nursing homes and forget to go visit, etc. after the estate is robbed, of course. some ppl plan their lives w/out kids. they could have adopted if unable to bear children.

- Response by dreamspinner, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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Hell no.

I don't feel sorry for them... it's not like they didn't know... they had their whole life to get screwed up in a variety of bad relationships.... and chose to "pass on the drama" in lieu of peace and prosperity in old age.

So don't pity them... if anything admire them... There's no way I could have gone through life without atleast one child somewhere... I don't know how anyone could do it

Sometimes I wish I was childless

- Response by skycop, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Consulting

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Everyone has a reason for you to feel sorry for them...so I direct my sadness to a child that is abused or unwanted.

- Response by nowornever, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Financial / Banking

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No not at all, they chose not to have kids. furthermore anyone that has kids just so there is someone to look after them when they get old are having kids for all the wrong reasons!

You can employ carers these days.

If I choose to have kids I wouldn't let them look after me when I'm older I would tell them to go and live their lives without having to feel burdened by me.

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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No. They made their choice in whether to have children but most people I know that fall into this area, are happy people since they do have FAMILY members who are caring people.

- Response by itsjustme4sure, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35

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Well...I don't that that wanting to have someone take care of us as we get older is a good reason to have children.
I will tell you what I DO find sad...I am friends with a family who lives in Texas. There were 4 children, and only one of them is left in Texas. One went to Virginia, one to Pennsylvania...etc...Th e one who stayed behind has become the full-time caregiver to their mom, who is now 90. It has become a full-time job. None of the other kids pitch in because "well, YOU'RE the one who is right there." She is very resentful now, but would rather not put the mom in a home. THAT is a sad situation.

- Response by awsum1, A Life of the Party, Male, Who Cares?, Chicago

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No I don't feel sorry for them. Some people are perfectly happy never having children.

I have a son and would never expect him to care for me anyway. He has his own life and it's my responsibility to provide for myself -- wherever possible.

Children can enhance your life for sure .. but having kids is not for everyone.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65

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It depends on what they chose for their life. My best friend didn't have kids, her choice and she was happy with it.
For those unable, they have the choice to adopt or do foster care or even be apart of a nephew or niece's life.
It's all in how they want to look at childless life.

- Response by devorahwest, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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Nope, I don't. As it was their choice not to have kids and also their choice to live their lives however actively or not so actively as they choose. I'm sure they have made arrangements with whomever or whatever facility to take care of them when they can't do so any longer. So as long as they are doing what feels best and right for them, who am I to care or feel sorry for them?

And yea, not all kids take care of their parents when they get older. I have seen this more than enough times with my aunt and uncle in regards to taking care of my grandmother. I mean my aunt lived with my grandmother before she passed and stole from her constantly and treated her like crap. My uncle also would try and find ways to take money from her too. So not all kids would be so honored to take care of elderly parents.

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Columbus, Student

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No, I don't feel sorry for them. They are expensive burdens. They won't be taking care of their parents when they age, either. Believe me they won't!

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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If they WANTED to have children but, for whatever reason, could not. . .then yes I feel sorry for them.

But I know quite a few people who decided not to have kids and are enjoying full, active lives. Many of them are able to volunteer in their community, others simply have the freedom to travel or try new things. They are vibrant, fun, cultured people with friends who share common interests and passions. Some of them were able to retire early because they didn't have to spend it on the various expenses that go along with raising children.

Of course. . .I'm also childfree by choice, so I don't feel sorry for people who have also chosen not to have kids.

- Response by saucywench, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Other Profession

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If you think that having kids is some kind of guarantee that you'll be cared for in your old age, you have *obviously* never visited an "old folks home." There are millions of old people who have children...and *maybe* those children drop by on Christmas or Mother's Day. Otherwise, they are not visited by anyone, and they are cared for by the nursing staff. My mother worked in a nursing home and she couldn't believe how few children came to visit their elderly parents. Some residents had kids who *never* came.

I'm over 50, never had kids because I never wanted kids and I don't regret it for one moment. Many of my friends have children who are now grown up, and my friends are STILL caring for them PLUS their kids' kids. I don't envy them at all - I feel sorry for *them* because they will be caring for their inept kids (and grandkids!) until they die, and they will never be free to enjoy life.

No one should have children for ANY reason except that they WANT children. My parents knew that their "family line" would end with my (also childless) sister, and myself. They couldn't care less. Nobody in my family is arrogant enough to think that the universe can't get along without our family's DNA in it. Life went on just fine BEFORE our "family name" came along, and it'll do just fine after it's died out.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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No some people do not want children and having them is absolutely no guarantee they will take care of you.

- Response by acdc_chick4ever, A Guy Critical, Female, Who Cares?

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I feel more sorry for children who were unwanted by their parents, or who had abusive parents.

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. heck, some people can't even take care of a pet or a plant, let alone a child. the reality is that kids are a blessing but also a huge responsibility.

there are crack addicts who have children, men who have children with several different women (none of them in a marriage) and child abusers having children.

I think if you are a responsible, mature person and want children - then God bless you, have them. If you are not... then don't. Having a child just so you have someone to take care of you when you are old... nope. doesn't make sense to me.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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yeah specially if you personally know how much theyre trying to have a children... i suggest to adopt instead its similar lot of kids abandoned by their biological parents they need your help sincerely.

- Response by tornanddevastated, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Technical

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Not particularly. Whatever choices a person makes in their life, I simply wish them happiness. As long as you have happy people no one has to worry about being alone because there'll always be someone there and willing to share the love.

- Response by mortaune, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Student

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No, i'll be that person when i become that age. I'm choosing not to have children. Most children do not take care of their parents and that's a pretty selfish reason to have kids either way.
I'll simply hire someone to help take care of me if i need it.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Hell, I feel sorry for people in their 30's who don't have kids!

Not having kids is a great way to broadcast "HEY! I have no desire to dedicate my life to something greater than myself! I want my life to be about me me ME and my random whims FOREVER!!"

It's a great display of immaturity.

- Response by A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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I feel sorry for those who don't mind their own business, are condenscending, and don't own their own choices.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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No they chose that life so they have to live it.

- Response by glycerin, A Career Man, Male, 26-28, Seattle, Managerial

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Sweetheart, there is no "Guarantee" that people with children will have someone to take care of them either. Most children these days DO NOT respect or like their parents. Most parents end up in Nursing Homes anyway; and furhter more there are many PARENTS WHO OUTLIVE THEIR CHILDREN-these days. If people have children with the thought that they will have someone to take care of them...Well think again, for one, that's the wrong reason to have children and for two - the children who are out living their parents Don't care of them anyway - THAT's what's SAD.

Take care darling.

- Response by tijadarling, A Creative, Female, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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sometimes they are the happy people around very content atleast.i know this woman who has kids but they all in their 40's closer to 50 then they are to 40 again and they have no kids so she will never have grandkids her legecy stops with them and after they are gone thats it...it will be like they never existed. atleast thats how i look at it.

- Response by unbreakablesilence, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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not especially

- Response by hh73050, Female, 56-65

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I feel sorry for anyone who has no one to care for them. Having children does not mean that someone will care for you as you get older. That depends on how good you are at parenting and taking care of the children. Children don't owe their parents anything, no one asked them if they wanted to be born.
I've never wanted children, and will probably never have any. There are more than enough people on earth as it is, overpopulation is a real problem, so why I should create even more humans to use the already stretched recourses I don't know. I'm lucky, I have friends and family that will go on caring for me as we all get older.

- Response by klaxometro, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Why feel sorry for them,it was obviously their choice not to.

- Response by eagerbeaver, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Of course not, that is ridiculous. I feel sorry for people who DO have children. It's tremendous work and responsibility, with absolutely no guarantee as to how they will turn out. I never wanted that kind of work and responsibility and children should not have to be burdened by taking care of their parents. People who think that the lives of those without children is sad, are not people I'd want to associte with. They are extremely narrow-minded. I have pets. I love animals and that takes care of any motherly instinct I might have. I would never in a million years go back and change my life to have children. Moreover, people with children are quite annoying when they're in public coddling their misbehaved kids. No, I do not feel sorry for people who don't have children. I feel sorry for anyone who would be so simple as to ask that question.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45

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I most heartily disagee with your premise. I am not married for whatever reason. I never wanted children, not ever, ever. In fact I got a vasectomey before I was 30. I am so glad that I did. Some of my frinds with teenagers relate to me the problems that can entail. Someone caring for me in my 70's and 80's. Riiiight. By that time adult children have their own families to worry about.

- Response by gilpill, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Internet / New Media

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Often even people who have children do not have anyone to take care of them. There are no guarantees on this. If someone wanted kids and didn't have them I sympathize but I never assume they wanted kids to start with. And I don't 'feel sorry' for them.

- Response by annandfam, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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No. It's their own business.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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And I don't need "you". And I don't need "you". And I don't need "you". You're just sitting there all high and mighty in your diaper. If anything, you need me, you're a baby.

- Response by coolstud, A Life of the Party, Male, Who Cares?, Portland, Self-Employed

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People ask me how I stay young-looking, and I tell them, "NO KIDS!"

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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"Not having kids is a great way to broadcast "HEY! I have no desire to dedicate my life to something greater than myself! I want my life to be about me me ME and my random whims FOREVER!!"
It's a great display of immaturity"

Are you serious???????

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Tampa

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Didn't we were supposed to give birth to our caretakers. In my world, we do it the other way around. I have never wanted to have kids. And I have great relationships with men that do. As far as my "future" bought a kong term. Care policy and membership in the Hemlock Society.

- Response by siouxzen, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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