Active Questions
| Sex & Intimacy / 1:03 AM - Monday March 15, 2010 |
My husband calls me names like stupid, dumb, ugly and a bad mom. He criticizes me constantly.nothing I do is ever good enough to please him or his family. When he visits his folks, he only wants to take the kids while I stay at home. We have mostly pictures of just him with the kids. I am always the one having to take the pictures.
- Asked by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45 |
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File for divorce as soon as you can.
- Response by iowaczechartist, A Thinker, Female, 36-45
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oh girl don't u know what verbal abuse is? a man or woman does not have to b physcial with their signifcant other in order to b abusive. u need to b done w/ this whole realationship because its not good for the kids to b seeing. his ass needs to get a job and provide for his family & if u sit there and tolerate it and continue the realationship u are the one who is looking stupid. (sorry to say). i say that because i can guarantee people u know around u know probably knows ur realationship is not going to last. my friend went through the same thing & her man eventually got physical w/ her in front of her kids. U r the mom u are suppose to protect them from harm. What an ass**** he is.
- Response by 619jude, A Thinker, Female, 26-28
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You've got to talk to him and talk directly and clearly as you do here. He must be more respectful of you. He sounds like he is very angry at something and perhaps he is projecting his own pain onto you because deep down he knows you are carrying the load and that it should have been and should be his job to do so. He is most likely feeling very, very inadequate and is emotionally not able to understand or otherwise process the feelings he is having. Most likely he knows he is not doing right by you and sadly the cucle is that you become the outlet for his pain because he is emotionally involved and invested with you. There is good news if you can discuss this and find better outlets as he could be feeling like his world is unraveling and he may feel so powerless that he is lashing out. We are only humans after all and all of us, ALL of us have faults and hidden insecurities.... I can only encourage you to talk to him and open up a good dialogue so that you again become a team... it is going to take a lot of work and effort and it is NOT going to be easy, but if you do it you could have what so many of us so desperately try to find... a worthwhile satisfying marriage... if you come at this with love, caring, compassion, understanding, support and nurturing then you can overcome this together... he MUST be a partner in this process and must understand his part played in it... counseling can help.. but you have to drop any notions of hate and come at this with a whole new perspective and attitude. You must use positive words and drop the words like loser... by even suggesting that word you have jeopardized your marriage, your family, and your childrens security and childhoods... there is more at stake here than what meets the eye.... try as hard as you can to overcome the horror of allowing your marriage to fall apart... as much as it is hard to understand.. you are enabling it to happen by your very attitude... you must try to come at this with a sense of renewal and vigor and be determined to make it work... if you can BOTH recommit and pledge to this, then you will make it... it is more important for your children than you know and if you give it a chance, a good healthy relationship and fulfilling marriage can come out the other end of it all... but you have to commit to making it better... it takes two and you MUST stop labeling each other... you can start and set the example... he is lost like many men are these days and he has lost his identity as a man because he is either unable to find work that is encouraging or he is defeated inside and can't.... how would you want someone to treat your son? Would you want to come at this with caring or hatred... I wish you the best...
- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed
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Sweetie you need to get out and you need to get out now. You deserve better and so do your children. You will never get that marriage to work. I am sorry to be frank with you but someone had to be frank with me for me to open my eyes. I thought I could change him, I saw the good and was sure we could make it work. It only got worse. I am remarried to someone who would never treat me like this. Your are not stupid and you deserve to be happy. If you cannot do it alone, go to a local church. Get some help. You need to get strong and I promise it will be much easier after you get out.
- Response by seashiner, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?
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... this assumes that he is not a drug user, abuser, having an affair, or is suffering from alcoholism.... I was assuming that deep down he is a nice enough fellow.... working from giving the benefit of the doubt...
- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed
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do you want things to change ??
- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?
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thats not nice of him to call you such names...
- Response by pradeep4us, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Medical / Dental
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you need to get some help with this because you have way too much going on to handle it by your self.
- Response by allie112, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?
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good job im proud of u for having the guts to kick them out
- Response by mindgames, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Student
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Good for you. I hope your hubby (or ex?) learns a lesson.
- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative
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