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My wife left me because of ED-how do i get her back?
Sex & Intimacy / 3:25 AM - Sunday March 14, 2010

My wife left me because of ED-how do i get her back?

After 24 years, my wife just left me for another man. I'm in my 50's and my health is creating sexual problems for me, so I feel I've failed my marriage and do see her motivation for finding other men. But she has left me just when I need her most and it seems nothing I can say matters to her anymore. If you have any insights on my situation, I'd love to hear them cause right now it seems impossible and senseless just to go on.....

- Asked by A Creative, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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If you think that your wife left you because of ED, I say that you are barking up the wrong tree. As to thinking that you failed in your marriage, I believe is playing the victim. You have identified so much with your victim role that your wife can't see you any other way and she just can't stand seeing you self-denigrate yourself anymore. She may still love you with all her heart, but until you start showing up for her again as the man she married instead of the victim you've become, it is senseless to go on. Don't suffer in silence and don't look to your wife for help on this. Get support elsewhere.

- Response by wiserman, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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You didn't fail your marriage. Your wife did. "in sickness and in health until death do us part" remember? She left you when you needed her support the most and for a reason that wasn't necessary. There are other ways to pleasure a woman in bed and besides, there are specialists who can help you get better. I am so sorry this happened to you.

I am fairly sure she will regret leaving you eventually. But the best thing you can do right now is to move on with your life. If you seem happy and upbeat you will look more desirable in her eyes and other women's eyes. Get a new hobby. Maybe even try to make her jealous. Start working out if you don't already and buy some new nice clothes. And go see a specialist about possible treatments.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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Wow, that sucks. I live with my g/f and it is like a marriage...she would probably love for me to have that problem...she is not all that interested in sex, but nevertheless, she is pretty accommodating. She just thinks I am overesexed for wanting it 3 times a week.

There are two ways to look at this...

She is a bitch for not standing by your side when you need her most...and trying to help you work through this problem, or...

She felt you had this problem and didn't do everything you could to address it. For example, did you make sure she got off, even if you couldn't? Or did your ED cause you (or the both of you) to just give up on sex? Did you seek counseling together, or did you just go about your business and act like it was no big deal. Were your health issues of your own making (you gained weight and sat on your ass) or was it something more catastrophic, like cancer?

All of these variables make it hard to know how to advise you. If you still talk to her, ask her if she is in love with this guy. If she says yes, then move on and address your health issues immediately. Get counseling to deal with your depression and get on medication if you need it.

If she says no, tell her this was a wake-up call and you promise to work on your problem. If I were you, I wouldn't, for now, demand that she give up her lover...or ask her to move back...although it must really stick in your craw. Get the help you need and tell her you want to keep the lines of communication opened.

- Response by tomtomcat, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, New York, Teaching

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reminding about the great things that you two have done. And how far you have came. Why would she spoil it?

- Response by darkflyer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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So sorry to hear that. If your health improves, maybe your ED can improve. Do not despair ! Start getting healthier !

- Response by travelchic, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I can't help with advice about your wife, I have no experience I am sorry that you are having troubles, I do believe though that there is something deeper going on, at your age a women who loved you and had no grievances would not leave you for that.

However I watched a medical documentary about ED and it is linked to heart issues what they are now also calling (male menopause) I would go and see a specialist if you have not already done so.

I wish you the best and hope you find resolution.

- Response by robyn76, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I feel like I should say something about all this so here is goes. I'm 30 yrs old and thinking of leaving my husband because of ED, or should I say because he won't do nothing about it. He's 43 and hasn't gone to the doctor and acts completely asexual. He has always had a low sex drive, I feel like I have tried everything to make him interested in me. I have lost weight because he told me it was my weight once and I am now thinner than I was when we got married. I have literally masterbated infront of him thinking he might want to lend a helping hand- only to have him look at me weird and turn over. Every time I bring up the idea of him going to get help he gets mad and acts like I'm selfish. We have been married for 6 years and I dont have any kids because when he does have sex with me he never has an orgasm. He goes down on me occasionally but it's just because I have complained about needing to be touched for so long- how sexy right.... I'm tired of just having a roommate I want a husband and a family, and I refuse to let him make me a cheater. I am very vulnerable because I am starved for affection and he made me this way. I will leave him before wasting anymore of my life with someone soooo selfish.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, San Francisco, Managerial

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