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My boyfriend doesn't want to see me unless the whole night is ours
Dating / 4:36 PM - Thursday March 11, 2010

My boyfriend doesn't want to see me unless the whole night is ours

I am just reposting this because I would appreciate further insight.

Thanks

i'm ACTUALLY thinking of breaking up over this with my boyfriend because its that frustrating.

I live 20 minutes drive away from my boyfriend. But I work near his house. On days that we hang out, I just bus to his house which takes 10 minutes. Then he picks me up near his house and we go back to his place and hang out and he drives me back home around 10:30 and then i go to bed. If im already at home, I just either bus to his house (which takes an hour) and we hang out and he drives me home.

I've been having a problem with my boyfriend not wanting to see me unless I come directly to his house after work. Sometimes I have stuff to do and I have to take the bus after work to get home but then he doesn't want to drive all the way to my house to pick me up or wait for me to take the bus because he doesn't want to drive me home after "only 3 hours". If he does, he wants to stay in my area. Unless I come right to his house after work, or unless we stay in my area, he'll want to see me another day.

Its frustrating because because of that we only see each other 2 a weeks and sundays or saturdays. He's always calculating how long its going to take to drive to see me and then he decides its not worth the drive seeing me for only 2-3 hours.

Its like that with everything we do. If I want to see a movie or something, he'll be like "Hmm..ittle take 10 minutes to get to the gym,. 40 minutes to work out, 10 minutes to drive back, by the time we're ready for the gym, we won't have time..so its not going to work"

It feel like I can't see my boyfriend randomly, its always a planned time to see him. Unless I go to his house directly after work, he says we can't do anything. I haven't seen him since SUNDAY just because we both had errands to run so of course that means that we couldnt hang out.

I feel like its reflective of his personality too because what if we have kids...life won't be planned like that. Its so annoying. By the way, he's 28, I'm 22 so its not something I can just break.

What do you think?

- Asked by A Sportif, Female, 22-25, Student

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It probably is reflective of his personality. I say that because I'm like him too. I would like to say that people get better and more relaxed about that after kids, but I have six kids, and I'm still like that with my boyfriend. He's more spontaneous like you, and I just like to plan for times when we have the whole day together. I have tried to get better at compromising too, but it's not that easy for me. Although now I will sometimes go over there for 3 hours in the evening, but it's not MY idea or ideal for me, so I see your bf's side of it better. It's a personality difference, but there are a lot worse things, believe me. I don't see it as a deal breaker at all, but if you do, it might just be one of many things about him that bother you.

- Response by abitspoiled, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Om one had, having a guy who wants to maximize his time with you sounds like a good thing. but I can see how the "all or nothing" attitude can be a downer. Is there any room for compromise? Are you at the staying-over stage yet? That might make things easier.

Look at it from his side. If it's really a one-hour drive from your place to his, that means it's a 2-hour round trip when he takes you home. If he needs more time to take you home than he gets to spend with you, I can see that this might be frustrating to him. Just out of curiosity, why are you always coming to him? Isn't there anything you can do together closer to your home?

- Response by mikehug, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Cleveland

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get a car then youll see it from his point of view...

- Response by j3s5e, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Science / Engineering

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You are his booty convenience

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Sweetheart? If he's not willing to come to you?

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

You are NOT important to him. If you weren't in his life? He wouldn't give a shit.

Really. THIS is the type of relationship you want? Where YOU do all the work?



- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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Wow, this is tough. Obviously you're putting forth the effort to ride the bus even though it can take up to an hour. My boyfriend and I live (with no traffic) 3 hours apart and we make it work. The driving isn't even an issue because we LOVE each other. How long have you been dating? If it's been awhile and he's still like this I'd say find someone else that makes you a priority.

- Response by missbee13, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Los Angeles

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