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Does sex REALLY always "complicate" things????
Sex & Intimacy / 11:28 AM - Wednesday March 10, 2010

Does sex REALLY always "complicate" things????

It's been my experience that SEX is NEVER to blame for complicating a relationship or potential relationship, but more likely the emotional or mental immaturity of the person with which I'm HAVING the sex.... if they're hot but still dumb, rude, selfish or otherwise incapable of carrying on a mature relationship, I can STILL enjoy the sex with them, but just choose then, not to get really attached to them, emotionally....

If I already KNOW they're not going to be "the one", then I don't bother.... but I still take whatever I CAN get from it, in the hope that maybe something I say or do MIGHT help change their direction, somehow...

Update: March 10, 2010.
Great answers from (most) everyone... a couple misunderstood the response and thought I was a proponent of "using someone for sex", which is false and I'm sorry you guys chose to inject THAT drama into it.... I was saying, that if you have an attraction and the both of you want the sex with each other, BUT you can already see that it's not gonna' be a lifelong commitment, then what's so bad about enjoying said sex and whatever time you can share together, hope for the best, and this way, you don't get let down so much!!!

- Asked by bytor, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

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You know generally I would agree with that, but right now I'm in a situation where it does seem that sex is complicating things. I have this female friend, a single mom, and she basically suggested we become fuckbuddies. She's not interested in me as a potential stepdad for her kid, but she has sexual needs that need satisfying and she likes me as a friend and so sex with me would somewhat satisfy those needs, certainly more than a BOB would.

So I agreed, but I am now losing interest. Its too routine - because of her kid we always do the same thing, we always end up at her house, we always have sex at the same time, always in her bed just before going to sleep, always the same way, and she's not into oral. She tends to fall asleep early because she has to get up early to take care of her kid, so we have no morning sex, no lie in bed all day sex.

She's a very nice person, and a great mom to her kid. But I'm not getting what I need out of this, and so I'm trying to extricate myself from the situation. And even though she's certainly capable of a mature relationship, it obviously hurts her that I am distancing myself, and thats understandable, rejection always hurts. So I hope it doesn't affect our friendship, but sex sure has complicated things...

- Response by xerxes, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Washington, DC, Lawyer

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I call B.S. The only reason YOU think the sex doesn't complicate things is because you're getting what you want out of the "relationship." In other words, I'd agree with you if you were open and said "you know, you're mentally immature, but how about we just have sex?" Then, the woman has the full information and also won't have sex with you. Or, vice versa, if a woman says OPENLY "I think you're ugly but I'm a gold-digger," then fine.

The problem is people like you take "what you can get from it" and the other person is not realizing that's what your motivation is. And that's low-class.

- Response by istillhatescrennames, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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to be honest, from my point of view, sex does complicate things. for me, it created feelings that weren't there and doubts that came crawling. It still plays with my emotions and confuses me. It might sound immature, but people who hold back on sex usually are immature about it.

- Response by angel666, A Creative, Female, 26-28, New York, Student

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Sex doesn't complicate anything. Sex with the wrong person, which you won't know on the first date, is the main problem. :/

Women have sex too soon not because they just 'have to have it and he's so hot' but because they hope to forge an emotional bond fast and they pretend him wanting sex with them is the sign that he wants the same thing. They have friends that will reassure them of such.

Men have sex soon because they want the physical release and the new conquest. He may know from the start that she's not the person he can see himself in a relationship with and since it's early and hasn't been mentioned he has no qualms to mention it. He just gets what he wants, hopes she has a good time and that's that. However, if he feels there is potential, he'll actually wait a little bit (a LITTLE) to have sex with her. If he likes her as he gets to know her, he'll continue to boink her and seek to enter into a relationship soon. Doesn't matter if it's one week or Five Months when sex happens.

Therein lies the problem: Two different motives. Waiting shouldn't happen because its 'too soon' from a matter of days/weeks/months perspective. It should happen because you need to know SOMETHING about the character and motives and intent of the person you plan to sleep with. That way there's no surprises or misunderstandings later.

Now if only Women would stop playing games that hide their own motives and then fooling themselves about what they see BEFORE sex... :/


- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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the more you wait, the more exciting it is and the more you get to know a person, the better.
wait until the timing is perfect, you will know when.


- Response by allie112, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I was going to post an answer until I read Thottienc's response. She is dead on couldn't have said it any better.

- Response by redbone, A Career Man, Male, 56-65, Food Service

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I can think of some pretty complicated positions!!!

- Response by seasons4, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking

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Sex really messed up my potential relationship.I just started really dating this cool guy I really liked him alot and he seemed 2 like me 2.He told me that he wasn't all about sex.He gave me my 1st real kiss,Im 19 this happened like 2 months ago and I really started 2 like him even more.He invited me 2 his house for a movie date.I was very excited and we watched movies and made out and I was shocked when he pulled out his penis.Me being curious I touched it and when his parents left we made out more and went up 2 his room...nothing really happened cuz he didnt have protection but he suggested I give him oral and I refused.The next time I saw him we made out of course but we drove round the corner and he was beggin me 4 oral again and after 15 minutes of me thinking should I do this its way 2 early but I suggested that he do me since he said I was scary and overeacting...I gave him oral next and I hated it!I figured since I did that I might as well go on and have sex so we went 2 his place...I lost my virginity that night.The next day he didnt call so I waited like all day feelin like shyt so I texted him 2 see what was up and he acted like I was gettin on his nerves well thats how he made me feel.We still ended up having sex 3 more time I loved the sex but thats all we seemed 2 do or talk about.I forgot why I even liked him I wanted a relationship all he wanted was sex and esp oral he wanted me 2 give him that all the time and he never once asked 2 give it 2 me.I asked him what he wanted and all he would say was he didn't know and after the 4th time of sex which I didn't enjoy at all I realized that he is not 4 me and I haven't told him its over yet but I am soon...I miss the way things were b4 we even had sex and those memories make me cry sometimes cuz thats when it was good but I will be ok:(

- Response by myeshatree91, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Chicago, Student

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Um, because YOU would like to enjoy sex with someone and waste her time when SHE thinks sex means something, it doesn't follow that she should have any respect for you after the fact.

Because some woman fails to respect men who use women for sex, it hardly follows that SHE'S the one who's "immature" and all that.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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