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Why do women chase men who treat them like dogs?
Dating / 5:18 AM - Sunday March 07, 2010

Why do women chase men who treat them like dogs?

I've dated some really great women. I was raised that you treat a woman with love and respect. But what boggles my mind is these great women leave me for some guy who is either physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive... and then come crying to me about how bad he treats them. It's frustrating because I treated them with honesty and respect and yet, they volunteer themselves for the "bad boy" who treats them as if they mean nothing. Can somebody enlighten me on why this happens?

- Asked by dgamermapes, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35

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Some girls just love drama in their lives, these guys probably start out as being nice but the more the girl gets involved with them the harder it is to leave so they turn to the nice stable guy like yourself for a shoulder to cry on and to temporarily relieve their grief and then they go back to being abused again. It's a dumb cycle for seriously dumb doormat girls so think yourself lucky you aren't involved with one and in reality most of these girls will want a guy like you down the track after they've grown up mentally.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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Most women have this thinking that they can turn devils into angels. Some of them succeed but most are just becoming the victims.

They need to be treated like crap first before they can realize the worth of good guys like you.

All women deserve someone like you but you don't deserve all of them so choose the right one who truly deserves you.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 22-25

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It comes from being insecure in general and not thinking they're entitled to be happy or respected.

I've never figured out why so many women just love the "bad boys"! They leave me cold. I always liked sensitive, quiet guys and married one. Life is so much nicer .. no huge ego or macho stuff!

Until people respect themselves, they just don't think they deserve it from anyone else.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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The tendency that any given woman has to do that is an inverse measure of her self-esteem. There is the fake reason and there is the real reason.

Fake Reason: "He's so strong!" They tell themselves they are in the process of catching an alpha male. His negativity is taken as proof of his alpha status.

Real Reason: His negativity reminds her of her mother's negativity, which is how she got low self-esteem in the first place. This is why the syndrome is such a good way of judging mental health.

Seeking to recreate the conditions of a bad childhood and have them come out right this time is what I call the Retraumatization Syndrome. Getting the unhealthy feelings that come with this mixed up with healthy feelings of wanting to catch an alpha male is what I call Intergrade Trap. In any event, though some men say just become a Jerk and enjoy the harem that inevitably results from that, I say put the blame where it belongs, on the women, not on yourself, and try to find a woman who is not screwed up. The older the set you are dealing with, the more difficult it becomes. As I wrote yesterday, the expression "All the good ones are taken" applies just as much to men as to women. Beyond about age 25, it can be like two needles finding each other in a haystack.

- Response by unluckyloveatfirstsighter, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Honestly, who knows. It's stupid. I like nice guys. From what I can see is because some women, enjoy the chase, they like drama. Bad boys ACT like they're picky, so girls like to try and get them to like them. They fall for his "bad ass" image, his "confidance", they like that he seems strong and sure of himself. They find nice guys, boring, too sweet, too nice, no back bone, etc. Women always say that with nice guys there's no "spark" but there just isn't a spark, because she's too busy chasing unworthy jerks and she doesn't see the bigger picture. Nice guys don't finish last for long sweet heart. :) We're at that age, stay nice.

- Response by rosieezy, A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, San Francisco, Student

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ok 1st I feel like we don't know they are going to be like that guys dont have tags on them I would love to met a great guy who will love me and treat me like a woman should be treated. The question you should ask these girls that you dated is y did they leave you?

- Response by southernbell83, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Atlanta, Science / Engineering

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It's a huge ego boost to be the "one" woman who can "change" the bad boy into a nice guy.

Every woman wants to feel special.
They almost always fail to change the bad boy because they don't realize that men never really change.

Mature women realize there are better ways to feel special.

- Response by chessplayer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Administrative

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Most women know they should be with a nice, secure guy...but women act upon feelings more so than logic. So they go for the guy who excites them rather than the guy they know in their minds is the better choice in the long term.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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Beats me... I go for the good guys..

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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The women who go for bad boys are highly insecure and have no self respect. They also don't know what they want. It is so pathetic. I used to rip on the bad boys. I always treated the good guys with respect. Especially when they get in your situation. I tell them to let them go. If they come back make them beg you back because you should stand up for yourself and show yourself respect.Once that is done, that's when they want you back.

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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i think because woman feel they can change these men making them into their prince charming.

- Response by tleeb, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Dallas, Other Profession

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Not all women are the same. and by the way,as a lot of people say that love is blind. Maybe that's why this kind of things happen.

- Response by dzeusmitch, A Player, Female, 26-28, Hospitality

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A woman doe snot just choose a man based on how he treats her- this would imply that anyone who is prepared to be nice to a woman will get whoever he chooses. A llot of women find the idea of "bad boys" dangerous, they like the unpredictability and excitement that they can offer, they are also more of a challenge and if a woman will sometimes like the idea of "taming" him. Also it feels more special if someone difficult chooses you because they are usually so unavailable etc.

Not saying it makes sense, but in my opinion that's the reason!

- Response by sarah2828, A Life of the Party, Female, 29-35, London

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I find women who do this are generally insecure, and have low self-esteem. Anyone who repects themselves enough doesn't waste their time and effort chasing men who are jerks. Some women on the other hand are not looking for anything serious--therefore they are more inclined to chase men who aren't serious (relationship wise) as well.

I'm sure you are a nice guy, you will find the right one someday. Nice guys may finish last but are usually the ones to win. The "jerks" will someday find themselves old and alone.

- Response by colady, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Denver, Medical / Dental

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because we enjoy the challenge of getting a thug to cry on our shoulders.we like to think that underneath the that thick layer of ruff skin their a soft loving individual thats mature enough to talk about things and handle situations without physical mental verbal abuse. and we can change them when its really us that needs to change

- Response by unbreakablesilence, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Student

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I think a lot of guys that are abusive in any way are initially suave at the beginning. I had an experience with a guy who put on the macho act and was cheeky. It's all really part of the attraction but it's never long term, then once he got what he wanted I found out he bad mouthed me and trashed talked me - but I thought he was great at the beginning! Don't allow for any girl who dumped you for another guy to come back to you and complain. I've learnt my lesson and I never did complain since it's part of the experience. Move on and find a girl who appreciates what she has or what she can find without having it slap her in the face.

- Response by kierst2please, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Student

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As someone who formerly went for "bad boys", I guess it was because I found them more exciting and daring, as opposed to the Mr. Nice Guy types, who seemed boring and dull by comparison. However, when it came time to find someone to settle down with, I definitely didn't want one of those bad boys. There is nothing exciting about somebody who mistreats you, cheats on you or physically/verbally abuses you.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Because some women are complete doormats.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Toronto, Who Cares?

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My problem was he was a nice guy all the years I knew him, then we met in Aug of last year and he was going through something from a woman he loved before we started hanging out. He says I chased him, but it was always him wanting me. So I think the guys who are mean, rude, and treat us the good women as door mats as you say,, to make themselves feel better, to cover up what they really feel. I am sure I am wrong, but is what I want to chalk it up as.

- Response by dulceevitar, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Personally I think it's because alot of women don't know what they want. They think they can change these guys and mold them into this perfect guy. But the truth is there is no perfect guy or girl for that matter. We all mess up, lose a job, a car, or whatever. But women tend to look down on a man if he's struggling, because they worry if he can support them. So basically what a man must do is show that he can meet all of his girlfriend or wife's needs. Also I think it's a growing up thing with women, because I noticed that when I talk to women who are over 35, they tend to want a man that takes care of them, basically a "good guy". But women who are say 18-35 really don't relize that the man they want is the " good guy" so they go for the guy with the money, car, whatever, and don't relize the guy just wants a booty call, and don't really care about them. It's sad but it seems like us men have to date 40 year olds in order to find a women who knows what she wants! God I hope a woman proves me wrong on this! But yeah it's basically cuz she dont know what she wants.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Houston, Who Cares?

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