Back to Home

Active Questions

Any other introverts around here? How do you deal with judgmental people?
Jokes, Polls & Anything Else / 6:30 PM - Friday March 05, 2010

Any other introverts around here? How do you deal with judgmental people?

As an introvert how do you deal with extroverts or somebody who just doesn't understand how we are. People that think we are weird and should be more like them? It really wears on me. I choose to spend a lot of my time being productive. When I am not working, I like to read books on psychology, self-help books, etc. I make time in my day to workout and watch a movie that I really like and listen to my ipod, or study to help further my career as a personal trainer. When I am alone doing this I am most at peace. People are so judgmental and demanding and it's hard to stay true to myself and be confident about who I am when I am surrounded by such negativity.

People who are supposed to be close to me put me down. When I don't want to do something they want to do they make comments like "All you do is sit at home and watch tv all day". "You don't do anything all day but sit in your room, I actually do stuff". Whats funny is that most of the "stuff" these people do are pointless activities that aren't productive for them at all. They just confuse activity with achievement. They don't realize I have learned so much more than them just by "sitting in my room all day".

It makes me feel like some of my friends and family don't respect me as a person. Not to mention they are just wrong. I do go out with friends quite regularly, more so than I would even like due to the pressure of friends wanting to "hang out" all the time. I have romantic relationships with women, and have no problem with it at all. I just get tired of people being so judgmental and sometimes it really makes me feel bad even though I don't show it. I don't know how to respond when they say these things because I don't want confrontation and I don't like to show when people make me feel bad.

- Asked by towwffc, A Career Man, Male, 22-25, Chicago

Read more about the Rating System


There are two purposes to their comments. One is to goose you into doing what they want, because they want your company. So, you smile and tell them to enjoy. The second is to validate to themselves that what they are doing is okay. People who behave like you present a challenge to their own self concept as to whether they're doing the right thing. By implying that you are not, they are soothing themselves, saving themselves form internal debate and conflict. For these, you give them the assurance that they're doing the right thing. Again, you tell them to enjoy, give them a smile, and do it sincerely. When you know their subconscious (and natural) motivation, you can always shrug off words like those with a smile. You just have to give them the reinforcement that they need that what each of you are doing is the right thing for you, that your own solitary activities are not for everyone.

- Response by stoney07, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

Once I turned 30? I quit GIVING a dman what others thought about me. And I wasn't shy about telling them so.

Pretty much left me alone after that. Being an introvert, I don't have a lot of friends - real friends, CLOSE friends - so it's not an issue, the "wanting me to be like them" thing. The people I allow into my life now UNDERSTAND me and accept me or they don't stay around long.


You really cannot avoid confrontation if you want to be left alone.

But the good thing is this: You'll only have to say it ONE TIME.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

Rating Received:


Just say "And what is so wrong with me preferring to spend my time alone? Do I judge you for wanting to spend your time with others?"

I can't guarantee it will work, or make you feel better..

I know that it got people to stop bugging me about it when I was younger.

- Response by whoanowchild, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


You will always have people that judge you throughout your life. If you are happy doing what you do, that is all that really matters. I am a very quiet person around people I don't know, but once you get to know me I'm outspoken, funny and am great to talk to. I take time to observe and take everything in before I really let my guard down w/ people and open myself up. While I'm doing what I call "observing", they take it as I'm a stuck up bitch that acts like I'm better than everyone else, lol. The reason I've found this out is b/c many of my really good friends have admitted to me that this is what they thought before "breaking down my wall". I've learned that only I know what makes me feel comfortable and happy in my life, and if that means that there will be people that don't understand me, than that is only THEIR problem... not mine. As long as I'm a respectful person in life (which I always am), they should have no reason to complain... and if they do, they obviously have nothing better to do with their time. Just keep being the person you feel comfortable as, afterall that is what makes you unique from the rest of the world.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

Rating Received:


Tell them to STFU

Life's too short to give a shit about what others think of you

- Response by mantis, A Creative, Male, 18-21

Rating Received:


You said your friends judge you but you just did the same thing...You said they do pointless stuff that you don't like. You don't like their stuff and they don't like what you do. So why are you friends??? Find some people that you have more in common with if you think these people are wrong, as you said.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

Rating Received: