Back to Home

Active Questions

My mother hates me, always has. I have no idea why, it's been since I was 7 or 8, as far as I recall
Family & Parenting / 12:38 AM - Tuesday March 02, 2010

My mother hates me, always has. I have no idea why, it's been since I was 7 or 8, as far as I recall

I've tried for years to tell her of the mean things she says and does. When that didn't work, I spent 3 years taking her verbal and emotional abuse, hoping my silence and tolerance would soften her. No luck. I've tried talking about it, she makes fun of it and pretends I'm making it all up. I really want to give up on this and just accept that my mother doesn't love me. Any ideas?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

Read more about the Rating System


Step back. You have tried. You have to wait for her to come around, if she does. As much as it hurts, you have to accept that she isn't ready to see what she has done. And, until she does, nothing you do will get through to her... unfortunately. I wouldn't say that she doesn't love you, though. I think she is blinded or afraid to admit what she has done, and I hope she sees the error of her ways before it is too late for you two to have some type of real relationship.

- Response by undecidedfuture1, A Creative, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

In such a situation you might want to try getting away and keeping away from her until see notices your absence and avoidance of her and starts to question it. It's then that you will most likely get some workable communication. Until then you are both too close to each other for her to listen.

- Response by canajun, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Vancouver, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


thats hard!my father doesnt love me and I havent spoken to him in years.I accepted it because i was depressed, i still love my father so so much and that will never go away, but i know he does not love me i dont deni it or try and im better off!good luck !!


- Response by bintee, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Calgary, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Check out narcisscism,borderline personality disorder etc...

Yeah my mom was a piece of work too... Sometime you get closure in realizing this isn't normal and is some kinda
mental disorder.... It isn't normal or maybe exact but it goes along ways in understanding the un-understandable... I hope this gives you some peace ..it has me.

- Response by lady4u, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Cincinnati, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


OUr parents were raised differently than us, stricter, and all that. They were used to more yelling, and even hitting as they grew up. There is something called tough love. You htink your mOm does not love you, but SHE REALLY DOES IN WAYS THAT YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND. I assume you do not live with her. Believe me, my parents used to yell, and be mean, but it was what they were raised with back in those days. They express their love in so many other ways. It's a differnet generation and a different era . Example: My Godfather yells at my Godmother , but she is used to it.... they are from that generation when it was oK to yell, etc. And if we hear that tone, we think it is abuse, mean, or he doesn't love her, but he does, and has been with her for over fifty years. My grandparents bickered all the time for 63 years. It is their manner; it's hard for us to justify, but a lot of the older generation were raised to believe that yelling and being mean was communicating. Times are different now...

- Response by travelchic, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


Is it possible shes taking revenge out on you meant for your dad? I'm assuming your dad isn't in the picture, and she either really loved him and blames you for him not being there, or she's taking hard feelings for him out on you. I don't think it has anything to do with you at all. Or could it be you were born "at a bad time"? Again, not your fault at all. It's all your mom's issues, not yours. She has to fix it.

- Response by twocents47, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


you have been taking emotional abuse you need to get some family counseling for yourself. If at any point she agrees to go with you that would be great. Whatever reason she is doing this its not your fault. Someone who acts this way is doing it because of something inside them, not because of you.
If it was your fault she would ask you for change or for you do to do something differnet when you come to her, instead of making fun of you.


- Response by lovesgoldens, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Ya get a friend you dont need to deal with that stuff im the first to admit i wish my mom rot in hell everyday i cant stand that TRICK hahaha

- Response by 21young, A Rebel, Male, 22-25

Rating Received:


well if she hurts u this much then avoid her for a while it will give her sometime to think about things who knows maybe she'll miss u. and dont feel bad not every woman is made to be a mother maybe thats just ur moms case

- Response by mindgames, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Student

Rating Received:


Consider this: was she left at some point in her early life? If she feels deserted by love, she may be shielding herself from getting too near what can give her the most pain she imagines. How is she in other love relationships, parents, siblings, your immediate famiy. There may be scars unrevealed.

It never stops hurting. I know. I was adopted and after the "new" wore off, she was not too crazy about me. I think there should be a period of counciling that goes with adoptions. Throughout her life, she made it plain to me that I was just not what she thought I should be.
It is not easy, but you have to realize your own worth. You have special qualities that set you apart as special and loveable. KNOW who you are in your God's eyes and in the eyes of others who love you. There you find comfort, and can rise above her negativity toward you. Perhaps in time she will reveal her feelings, but now, you have to focus off those she expresses. If you believe the negatitivy, your life will be affected by her. Choose not to allow her to spill into the joy in your life. They say we "allow" ourselves to believe what those who matter most to us say. Make a concerted effort to feel loved by others and to trust them to be the ones who know you and matter in your heart. Be respectful of her, but you do not have to be overly present in her life. When you are with her try to think of her as a person who has an emotional illness and cannot help but be harsh. My prayers are for you to find peace inside yourself.

- Response by LynziArnold, Female, 56-65, Retired

Rating Received:


i know how you feel god has help me alot go to him it really help one day to come she would need you and her feelings would be hurt because of your kindness in helping her she wouldnt be able to look at you but god would give you great blessing for that so stay strong in him god bless


- Response by simoneseed75, Female, 29-35, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


I feel the exact same way. I thought I was all alone!!! I can't believe there are other just like me. I spent my entire childhood walking on egg shells with my mom. I was happy if she was happy. I prayed for those moments, because she would quickly fly off the handle when she was angry. Everyone in our neighborhood made fun of me because their parents thought she was crazy. Even though I knew it was true, I would burst into tears and defend her. These days, I lay in bed at night and dream of ways to end my life because I desperately want to imagine her telling my grave that she really loved me, but didn't know how to show it...

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:


I feel the exact same way. I thought I was all alone!!! I can't believe there are other just like me. I spent my entire childhood walking on egg shells with my mom. I was happy if she was happy. I prayed for those moments, because she would quickly fly off the handle when she was angry. The other kids in our neighborhood made fun of me because their parents thought she was crazy. Even though I knew it was true, I would burst into tears and defend her. These days, I lay in bed at night and dream of ways to end my life because I desperately want to imagine her telling my grave that she really loved me, but didn't know how to show it...

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:


hate is something i will not understand. If you feel like that then it would be better to just call it peace and visit her on a time basis.

- Response by darkflyer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Accept the fact that she is very limited in parenting skills.Some times People have a strange way of showing love.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received: