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Why are people so phony?
Career / 9:41 PM - Wednesday February 24, 2010

Why are people so phony?

A few years ago, I was in a very competitive, Ivy league law school, with lots of type A personalities. My classmates were very culturally insensitive (I'm Indian), and I didn't have any friends in my class. I had lots of friends outside of school, but I hardly got to see them because I was always busy studying. It made things worse that no one in my law school class wanted to socialize with me. It was really hard because I'm a very friendly person. I would always try to be nice, but people brushed me off. Anyways, I ended up deciding that the Ivy law school was not for me and I transferred to a state school. I'm happy I transferred b/c the experience was great. My new classmates were friendly and I ended up graduating with honors and I now practice law.
I should also mention that I when I transferred schools, I didn't tell anyone in my class. Alot of it was because I was embarrassed and I didn't think anyone would really care. And not surprisingly, when I transferred schools, NOT ONE classmate from my old law school tried to contact me, to even see if I was alive. Mind you, the entire class had my email and phone #. To this day, I haven't spoken to any of the people from that Ivy law school.
Well, recently I was at a function the other night for one of my clients. And a classmate from my old Ivy school happened to be there. She comes over to me and starts chatting with me like we were old friends. She starts asking me all these personal questions about my life, etc. She even wanted to get to gether for lunch. Honestly, I couldn't help but feel weird and a bit annoyed, but I hid my emotion. I gave her my email address (not my phone #) and said we'd be in touch. I have no intention of having lunch with her. A few years ago, this person acted as if she could've cared less if I was dead, but now she wants to hand out!? Please!

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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is it possible that many of those people felt similar to you? overwhelmed by the intensity of the competition and they weren't really there to make friends but to make connections and compete. I bet most people didn't even noticed that you left school because they were too busy with their nose to the grindstone.

In the business world I stay open and friendly to everyone and forgive most slights. There may be like 3 people professionally that I would not have anything to do with that but it wouldn't be because of a perceived snub.

I say forgive and have lunch with her if she contacts you.

- Response by meowmeowww, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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I think it does sound like it was phony. That being said, though, maybe she is now in a place where she is lonely in life--though it isn't your obligation to be there for her. As for the the yucking it up with you, though, it is a turn off. People do tend to remember things better than they were, especially if it puts that person in a better light, but it sounds like she was just trying to dig up information on you to tell other people. I think the email thing was a good move. You can decided based on her email, which may or may not come, if you actually want to ever talk to her again. Who knows... maybe she changed. Or maybe she is trying to scope out her competition.

- Response by undecidedfuture1, A Creative, Female, 36-45

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Yes, this sort of thing happens sometimes, I think that some people pretend to be close friends when they never were. You did it all right giving her your e-mail but not your phone number. She´ll understand you could be in contact but not too personal. Besides you were kind but a little distant that was O.K. There´s no point in telling her about the past, she wouldn´t understand.

- Response by farawayfan, Female, 56-65, Buenos Aires, Teaching

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people are phony in places where it matters to them: jobs, Ivy league schools, etc...
public schools, like you said is more different due to less competition..

- Response by kaosun, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Boston

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Those students were behaving in the way they had learned from their parents and friends. I feel equal sorrow and contempt for them and for all the opportunities they were missing in their ivory towers.
However, do you think you may have missed an opportunity to correct the balance a little? You could have said something like 'I was treated badly by you and all our classmates back then but if you have seen the error of your ways I won't hold that against you if you genuinely want to befriend me now' She would then have had the choice of a) tacitly dmitting she was wrong and accepting your offer or b) proving that your original opinion of them was right. Either way you would have won! And advanced the cause of human co-operation. Best wishes Gregjoy

- Response by gregjoy, Female, 66 or older, Birmingham, Self-Employed

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