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Why does he hold me close all night after making love that but insists we are just friends
Sex & Intimacy / 6:13 PM - Thursday February 18, 2010

Why does he hold me close all night after making love that but insists we are just friends

After a friend initiated sex the first time and held me so close that night that I had trouble getting comfortable, he insisted we were just friends. Fast forward 6 months and the same thing, he initiated the love making, afterwards he snuggles and holds me all night long, but insists he's not looking for a relationship and that we're just friends. I don't get it, I've had relationships where the guy just rolls over after making love, but this holding me all night has me baffled.

- Asked by kristabelle71161, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55

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You ARE friends.

Friends who fuck.

And to make matters worse?

He only wants to fuck you when he's desperately LONELY.

(thus the "holding all night" that disappears with the sun)

He uses you for the guaranteed orgasms and the human comfort and you LET HIM.

Sheesh.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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Community Rating: Community Star

He likes to cuddle.
Doesn't like relationships.
What's to get?

- Response by npink22, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28

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Its possible he misses cuddling and intimacy. So for a night that your with him, he takes advantage of having someone close to cuddle with.

- Response by curiouscat67, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55

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It sounds like he just enjoys cuddling. If you enjoy having sex with him and cuddling that's great.

If you want more and he just wants to be friends with sex and cuddling maybe better to stop before you get hurt.

Cuddling doesn't sound bad to me at all:)

- Response by lasuz, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Administrative

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Stop being baffled by the "snuggling." Just understand what he's has made plain and clear to you, "WE ARE JUST FRIENDS." Don't go by what you think about the things he says or does. Because, it's obvious they don't mean the same thing to him. What you need to be baffled by, is why you're still having sex with a man that initiates sex with you, snuggles, and then makes sure you know nothing has changed.

Ask yourself, what do you expect to come from this friends with benefits agreement? If you want a real committed and exclusive romantic relationship with this guy; please accept the reality of this situation. That's not what you have. So, move on and stop allowing yourself to be the person he comes to for HIS needs. Because, you don't have to settle for the type of relationship HE wants. You accept the relationship you want and know you actually have. Then, you don't end up baffled every 6 months.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Hunny, you can't call it "making love" when you're not in a relationship b/c that's probably part of what's confusing you. The cuddling is because he likes cuddling. It has nothing to do with you, unfortunately. It doesn't matter who he's doing it with, he likes to cuddle after. If it's making it hard for you to keep thinking of the two of you as just friends, tell him. Either he'll admit he has feelings for you (if hes insisting you're just friends, it's a long shot) or he'll say, "ok, no cuddling then, next time".

- Response by goodgirlgonewild, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Home Maker

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Maybe he feels bad cause he knows he's only using you so he holds you tight to make up for it and make you feel loved. That's what I get from it.

- Response by wandatrick91, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?

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I don't think you should read too much into it. He told you you were just friends, so that's almost certainly what he thinks (guys being tediously literal). Why would he say that if he wanted more?

I like cuddling up behind women before we go to sleep even if it's only a one night stand. In a weird way it's even more intimate than the sex. It doesn't necessarily mean I love her or view her as a long term prospect. I like the women I have sex with, or I wouldn't have sex with them, so I like going to sleep with my arms round her and my face nuzzled in between her head and shoulders so I can smell her skin and hair. It's cool. But it doesn't mean I want to marry her.

On the other hand, it doesn't mean I don't either.

Play it by ear. What you do out of bed together is more of an indicator of his feelings than what you do in bed together.

Btw, you should dump those guys who just roll over and go to sleep. They're the ones who are using you.

- Response by spongecake, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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